So day before Halloween of this year 2022 my daughter not knowing why I couldn't go with then to trick or treat asked her mother why she hated me?

whatever it was to get out the door for work whatever it was that's nor here or there but being male and joking as she slammed the door in my face I said oh well I guess you hate me and are man at me not meaning it at all or anything and my daughter was on her tablet so I could be having a full on conversation with her and she wouldn't hear a word I said how she heard that and applied it to the situation is beyond me so she accused me of telling my daughter thus directly and that my daughter hated her

well all this over the phone texting she then proceeded to tell me that she wanted me to see other people that she wanted me happy and she couldn't make me happy obviously because we had no sex life our relationship was just to a roommate type feel she'd work come home go to bed not talking to anyone else we used to shower together and just talk to talk obviously I was broken and between that time and now she's been hot and cold moments she wants to come home share work with me talk about guys she works with and makes comments about it and one night she said she burnt her neck and that her boss was going to tell me he gave her a hicky to me well the burn was gone in days with no mark whatsoever

that night she was out at work till 4 am when she is off at 11pm told me she worked late and then came in in someone else's pants told me she shit her pants and had to wear those well being dumb I believed everyword of it not questioning a thing well cleaning up the house I went into the room and found a pregnancy test box that was empty it was fairly new I know this cuz I clean in the room quiet often well I grabbed the trash and lo and behold there's a used pregnancy test in the bottom of the trash can I went into panic mode since we are broke up but living together and have 2 children I calmly asked her through a text if she was busy she said no and well I called her she was eating lunch and I could tell she was annoyed but I asked her is she seeing someone else she said kinda and my heart broke she then said something idk what I asked I thought we were trying to work on things and she again told me she couldn't forgive me for supposedly telling our daughter those things out right

well she at that point admitted she was kinda seeing someone else and then she hung up on me mad and pissed I called I asked her when she planned on telling me and she said calmly when she had her life figured out so I asked are you sleeping with someone she did the whole yea right when do I have time speech and everyone knows if your sleeping with someone you make time she asked why I asked so I told her I was cleaning her room and found the pregnancy test box and that I found the recently used pregnancy test in her trash we use clear bags so it wasn't hard to see anyway she got defensive and told me she got them for someone else at work sure that's believable but then I asked why she had a used pregnancy test in her trash she told me she had it in her bag and forgot to throw it out at work

I asked why would you have another girls pregnancy test hidden in your bag and them bring it home and throw it away along with the box she then got upset and said nothing is safe from me and I told her the truth that I was cleaning house knowing she is working but I don't belive that for a minute about the other girl having the test and the fact she brought it home and had the box hidden in the closet its dumb she said she bought the test for a girl at work hint these girls according to her arr all in relationships aside from her but im sure she has slept with someone else that's like her finding a condom box hidden in my car and then finding a used condom in the trash and me saying it was my buddies rubber ya know so I'm guessing she has slept with a guy had unprotected sex and was worried she was pregnant because again why bring some girls preg test home and not throw it in the trash at work and why have the box hidden in the closet

idk what im asking but I have to be stupid to think we can make things work since I know that what she has told me is a obvious lie now im not a Saint in this all I don't listen like I should have and when she was upset about things I'd turn it around as I took it she was comming at me so I made myself the victim and idk why I did that I gaslight her and that was shitty of me to do I see where I was wrong and what I needed to do to fix

I've been going to therapy I deal with severe panic disorder aka anxiety bad and I'm a wreak she didn't talk to me at all last night when she got home she talked to our daughter and told her if she's upset to tell her not to tell her she hates her well in talking with my daughter and asking why she said she hated her mom she was mad her mom works all the time and when she's not working she's sleeping or in her well our room alone

me and both kids sleep in the living room and I have taken the main role as stay at home parent only because her job has became top priority over my job eventhough my job was well established before hers but she had to work a certain shift to train and then has to work 16 hr shifts when she's told too she can say no and isn't allowed to miss work in 120 days or they terminate so idk if im holding on to a lost cause and hope that she is or has told the truth or not about everything like I said I'd have to be dumb to believe a story like that again

idk what im looking for out of this but we have been together for 8 yrs and she stood by me through all the bs from my ex wife and criminal charges that came with it too we have a home together and live together I can't move out and I can't have her just up and leave so what needs to be done am I holding on to a broken dream or hopes that this can be fixed yes if she cheated I'd be broken but idk really idk what to say or do