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Self-confidence – part 1
in Unpack the issue: self-confidence

Figure out WHAT is going on.

The first step is to look at WHAT is happening.

Stand back, look at the issue, and get all analytical for a second. Describe the issue to yourself out loud and see if you can put it into a sentence.

For example:

  • “She doesn’t want to have sex with me”.
  • “I don’t feel particularly interesting”.
  • “I feel like I’m not as intelligent as my partner”.
  • “My partner likes funny girls, and I’m not that funny”.
  • “My girlfriend is always comparing me to other guys”.

Here are a few tips to help you understand the issue a bit better:

1) Identify where your self-confidence is weakest

Lots of people struggle with self confidence in one area or another. You might be super confident in the bedroom department, yet be completely lacking in confidence when you’re asked to dance. So the first thing is to see where you lack self-confidence and identify those areas. It might be a more general lack of self-confidence, and that’s fine too. It’s about recognising it for yourself. If it helps, write down your thoughts or maybe say them out loud. 

2) Be honest with yourself about how you feel

Lay it down, and face the reality of how you feel, even if it’s uncomfortable and even if you don't much like it. Try not to convince yourself one way or the other – you’re allowed to feel whatever you’re feeling, and now you can start to deal with it. 

3) Talk to someone neutral

Ideally chat this through with friend or relative who you can trust – someone that builds you up and edifies you. 

Next steps

Now you’ve taken a step back and observed the self-confidence issue that you’re dealing with, we’ll look at the root causes.

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