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“Stories of an asexual”

Asexuality is a commonly misunderstood sexuality. Most of the time it is mistaken for aromantic, but they are very different. Those that are asexual are (most of the time) still interested in romantic relationships. They still want intimacy, but having sex or anything in that realm is not something they are interested in.

As an asexual, I am very insecure about my sexuality because of how commonly misunderstood it is. It seems as though every time I tell someone that I am asexual, they ask why I'm dating someone or why I dated someone recently if I'm asexual. My definition of asexual to me is: Not interested in sexual acts, especially sexual intercourse. I am so asexual that the thought of having sex actually makes me sick. I can't stand the idea of sex, so I always try to avoid talking about it.

About seven months ago, however, my ex-boyfriend attempted to rape me. It was an abusive relationship that I had already known, but I was afraid to get out of it. When he tried to rape me, there was no way that he could defend himself. I left him then and there. For weeks, I would have small flashbacks to when he was attempting to rape me, and I would gag. To this day, I still do.

An important part of asexuality to realize is that it doesn't mean that you can't love someone. Anyone can love someone without having sex with them. "There is love without sex, and sex without love." That quote is 100% true, especially among the asexual community. Asexuals can still love a partner and want a romantic relationship even though they are asexual. Some asexuals are willing to have sex simply to please their partner, although they do not enjoy it. Many people try to say that asexuals are only asexual because they "haven't had good sex." That is certainly not true. People can know that they are asexual even if they haven't had sex at all!

You can know if you're asexual by seeing if you are sexually interested in other people (men or women). You can also try watching porn or masturbating. If you don't think that sex is for you, that's okay! Many asexuals still have children, spouses, and full relationships. If you think you may be asexual, don't worry about what others think! Being open and honest about it is the best way for others to understand what it means to be asexual.

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