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“Ongoing relationship with her affair partner”

I have recently found myself in an incredible relationship with a lady that i adore. Knowing we all have a past, i am finding hers a hard one to overlook the reason why she wants to maintain a friendship with her ex that she now has been his side piece in his affair for a few yrs. Its more convoluted than that so i am trying to be open minded here. She dated him and lived with him, broke it off but saw each other in a non committed way. Said that they would end it with each other if the other got into a relationship, but she found out he was dating someone while they were non committed sleeping with each other. Although mad about it, and his new gf found out he stayed with the new girl. My gf then continued sleeping with him on the side in secrecy for yrs now. She maintains its his affair not hers. He has helped her move, been there when she needed someone. A bond.

But now being with me she wants to maintain a relationship with him. But not with me included as "he" would have issues with it. I said i would be reluctantly open to it if she met up with him with me present and she said that it would make him uncomfortable and I'm being jealous and insecure. My thoughts are she is not over him and she needs to break the tie to him in order to move all into our relationship. I maintain she can have guy friends like i have girl friends but this relationship I'm not happy with. They have spent seven years from start to now, dating and non-committal sex and affair sex. It sounds so obvious writing this down but am i overthinking this?

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