I didn't ever want to have to talk about this. It's so hurtful, but here I am. My boyfriend and I have been together eight years and it has been so amazing after ironing out the beginning, which should have just smacked me and clear then but nope. In the last three years, we haven't had sex. Nor kissing with passion. I get the same smooch his mother gets! No tight snuggles, no lying watching a movie together. It's him on his phone and I watch TV alone. I have tried and tried to start something but it's play-stupid and rollover game. After three years a person has been over-patient. It started as me trying to walk by him naked or spray my perfume on before bed, or sexy panties. I'm a small woman. Nothing has changed with me, and I get nothing from him, not even a rollover for a kiss. He faces away from me and turns his head to the side for my magical goodnight kiss. In the last seven months, I have started to say "I'm here why don't you want me"? But I get excuses or it gets turned around on me so I am made to feel bad. Now it's to the point of me crying and crying, "Why don't you want me?" "What can I do to change?". I was made to feel his sex drive was low and he is so sorry, blah blah blah.. Screw that! His sex drive isn't too low for porn! He hasn't been touching me but he sure has been doing it to porn... We have watched porn together. I'm up for it, for sure, to help get a little dirtier but when he doesn't touch me unless he's been watching porn... no thank you! And you know what kills me? After I sat many times over like an ass thinking he would stop, he won't. I told him it makes me feel ugly and unwanted and just discarded that he doesn't get aroused by me but has to use other women. I thought "My man isn't like that, he will stop, he knows it hurts me, and he wont hurt me". Boy, was I wrong. He not only keeps watching it alone but hides the page or clicks the home button when I walk in the room. I'm not a complete idiot. So again last night, I cried and begged him to please stop watching it alone. Touch me if you're horny, I'm right here, why aren't I good enough? And I get deny, deny, deny and now I'm crazy, I didn't see porn, he isn't watching that. I have problems, I'd better go see a counsellor. I'm an embarrassment, I'm being an Idiot... I'm told to f off, get out of his face, he's tired of my bullshit. Last night, I lay in bed with so much going on in my mind. I kept to myself, watched a movie and fell asleep. Woke up at 5:15 cause I rolled over and, hmmm, he was gone. I got up to pee and, lo and behold, there he was on the couch on his phone. As soon as he saw me, that phone was flipped over faster than you can imagine. So I asked, "Hey, wanna prove me wrong? Let me see your phone. Show me the last page you were on. Prove me a paranoid crazy woman, just show me something", and as I stood there crying, pleading to him to prove me I'm wrong he tells me he's tired and will show me later... And his phone is hidden. Weird how it isn't on the end table like it is every night for the last eight years! My last comment to him was, "If you can't show me your phone and prove me wrong, then I now know I'm 110% right." He isn't going to stop. He doesn't care how it makes me feel and what am I doing still writing this? No sex for three years, over-excessive pain and anger, that's how my life has been. But I do see I'm not alone. To any woman or man that has a partner that makes them feel this way – please don't keep hurting yourself by letting someone stomp on your trust and heart. You're amazing and don't let anyone tell or show you different. Sorry it's probably all over the map, I'm still shaking from this morning's hidden phone event! Someone, anyone, talk to me please.

I've been in a relationship with my current girlfriend for 3 years. For the most part I'm happy, we live together, and she pushes me forward in all aspects of life. In the first year of our relationship we had sex all the time and it was great. Second year in she started taking new medication for her skin and her sex drive vanished. With the lack of sex I sought to feel that similar feeling elsewhere, so I started back up on Tinder (US dating site) in hopes of feeling the similar dopamine effect. She eventually went through my phone while I was sleeping and saw that. She was hurt and felt that I had took advantage...we worked it out and are still together...I love her deeply but at the current point I'm no longer physically attracted to her...and we no longer have sex frequently. When we do it's not enjoyable and it's maybe 1x a month. I'm aware that sex isn't everything but I don't drink, or do drugs, so sex is like my stress reliver. At the writing of this post I've met another girl through my internship. I haven't done anything with her but it's very apparent that we are interested in each other. In reality I'd like to take a break from my current relationship or even break up. But my girlfriend suffers from depression and anxiety. I'm scared that if I come forward and tell her that I'm no longer interested that she will be stuck in a dark place. I'm lost - I know what's right and wrong but it just isn't that easy right now. 

I have been married for 12 years. My husband and I are happy. We do not have a perfect marriage but who does? From the start of our marriage we never had much of a sex life, even as newlyweds. We would average maybe four times a month on a good month. He is not very affectionate toward me either. I had never felt attractive in my marriage. I am always the one who initiated sex and most of the time I got turned down. He does not kiss me and never performed oral sex for me at all, but expects it from me every time and sometimes just that for him and nothing at all for me. Later I found out he was watching porn A LOT. This broke my heart, because he never wanted me. About nine years and two sweet daughters later I found out that he was cheating – it was a one night thing. He swore that it meant nothing. For me to stay I demanded he tell me everything. I also found the other woman and talked to her about it. The stories matched up – apparently the plan was to cheat with her but he could not get an erection despite her best efforts. I asked him if he had kissed her (he never kisses me) and he had – not only that but, because he couldn't perform, he gave her oral sex! He never does this for me! I was very upset and left him. He was devastated and apologised and said he would be a better husband and do all those things for me, blah blah blah. So for my children and the fact that I love him we worked it out. He has done much better – he still will not kiss me but he will occasionally do oral. And he is more affectionate and I can honestly see that he is trying more than he ever has. Our sex life was great – five or six times a week and much more passion than ever before. But for the past two weeks he has not touched me, despite my attempts. When I asked him about it he said he was just in a down spiral (I forgot to mention he has cycling bi-polar disorder) and that his sex drive decreases when he has a down phase. I tried to understand and be supportive, but I checked his phone last night and his history was absolutely full of porn! So his sex drive is decreased but he can watch porn and not want to have sex with me? I do not understand this and it makes me feel disgusting! I even offered for us to watch together but he did not want to do that. My body has changed a lot since having our children, and he knows how insecure I am about it. He says my body has nothing to do with it it's just his bi-polor decreasing his libido. But i don't know about that seems like if libido was decreased it would be decreased for everything not just your wife, and be perfectly fine for porn. Can anyone help me understand this?

My bf and I have know each other since we were little kids and we been tg for 3 years and 8 months and I have seen in his phone history a lottt of porn. I talked to him about watching it that I really don't want u watching porn there's no need to watch it if we have sex and all he can say is okay and seems like it's no big deal but it is for me bc he has asked me why can't I do stuff like her( meaning like why can't I do what the porn girls do) and when he says that it makes me feel worthless and that I don't do a good job. I told him when he says that stuff to me it make me feel I'm not good enough. He tells me I'm good enough and I do good anyway last night I told him again plz stop watching it I told him how I felt like he watches porn but denies us being intimate he's not in the mood but he watches porn and i just don't know what to do he just keeps doing it and seems like he doesn't care about how I feel.

I found out in May my boyfriend was watching Trans porn in the bathroom right next to the room at night when i was waiting in bed for him.. he lied to me over and over again & finally came out with the truth after i saw he followed them on instagram. I’m still very hurt about this situation and just recently saw there’s trans people blocked from last month on his instagram.. i don’t know wether i should stay with him or just leave i don’t want to be cheated on in real life in the future .. Im also pregnant:( And when we have sex It’s always from the back Never intimate.. I had a talk with him but i think another is needed

I've been with my partner only two years and have had a baby together (six months old). I understand having a baby probably changes things sexually, but I'm not convinced that's all it is here. I've been through his search history loads of occasions and know he watches porn now and again and it really fucks me off. Not because I have a problem with it because I don't – I enjoy watching porn too – but want it to be something we do together or even he does when he's putting out even. But no! I can instigate sex and he just acts like he's not interested all the time. In fact I'm always the one that does, never him. He's not very affectionate towards me and just shuts off when I try to talk to him about it, does not say a word. Doesn't assure me he's happy with me or anything. This morning I was wandering around naked, then in underwear for a good hour. I could tell he was playing with himself under the covers and had a look on his face like I might actually get lucky, but no. I started to get bored of him ignoring me as he always and popped downstairs for five mins as soon as I was gone. He watched porn on his phone and had a wank. WTF. For me, physical contact is a must and I can enjoy porn and masturbating all day long but. on its own, it's just not satisfying enough. I'm so sick of feeling hurt and upset and betrayed. I'm far from perfect but I'm not that bad. I am a confident person generally, not easily threatened by other females, but with my partner now I just feel I'm not good enough for him. He seems so much more interested in any other girl except me. And it's tearing me up inside. I feel mugged off and don't really understand why he's even with me really. Just to make clear, I'm very open about how I feel. I've said on so many occasions I'm happy with him watching porn but feel uncomfortable when he doesn't want sex with me and does it behind my back. I've said I'd like to watch it with him but get the feeling the reason he doesn't want to is because he's watching girls that are nothing like me? The fact he goes silent when I ask any questions about it drives me mad and the saying "silence speaks a thousand words" is so very true, I believe. I just don't know what to do? I have tried every possible way of talking it over but he just won't have it. I've tried ignoring and not letting it get to me in case I might seem a bit needy and I've tried being upfront and to the point, but nothing's working. The problem is I feel like I want to go elsewhere to get my satisfaction. Every woman needs to feel wanted and I don't at all. I've never felt so low about myself in my life and it's not because I'm unhappy with me – it's the way he is with me. I was in a 12-year relationship before this and never once had a problem like this. I just don't know how to deal with it other than end it. Or go elsewhere so I can give him a massive 'fuck you' as he clearly doesn't care enough about my feelings to even try to resolve this? I just want people's opinions. Am I being over the top or am I absolutely right to feel this way? And how do I deal with it? And him? Please? I feel a bit pathetic but I can't stop thinking about it and can't even bring myself to go anywhere near him any way as I do feel like he's cheating on me almost.

My husband and I rarely have sex. Could it be that masturbation is the problem?

I've decided to finally begin writing about this here, as I saw a few posts here about women being in the same situation as me and I know writing is a healthy outlet. My partner and I have been together for over 3 years, when we first met he was in his active addiction and I was also a heavy drinker. Due to this, we had a lot of crazy kinky sex. Do I need it like that? No. But do I compare how he wanted me than to how he wants me now? Yes. I am happier we are both healthier now, but our sex life/intimate life is not satisfying me. Nearly any relationship I had been in, we were having sex way more frequently. I like to do it at least a couple of times a week, if not every day is possible. Why not? I’m still 28, and I’m healthy with a sexual appetite.. I enjoy sex, and I have always been confident sexually so “feeling sexy” was never something I struggled with. We have sex about once a week now, and it's usually always on a Saturday, in the shower, and initiated by me or forced by him because he can see how frustrated I am becoming. I think part of the reason I also want sex so badly, is because he is not an overly affectionate guy (for many reasons), so when we have sex its a good time for me to “feel” the love and feel closer than ever. I understand that he has his own way of showing he loves me and I also understand there are different love languages and not all people are as touchy or romantic. The thing is, as a First Nations man, he has also been exposed to a lot of intergenerational and immediate trauma in his life and he also struggles with mental health challenges, and severe stomach issues and is constantly in discomfort. I believe him and know he has suffered for years, and I would do anything to take all of his pain away. At the same time, I am a human with needs and when they are unmet I am left feeling gross, unwanted, and even selfish for feeling this despite knowing his struggles. The thing is, the reason we usually do it in the shower (in the same position all of the time) is because that is the only place his stomach does not bother him as much. We have spent years trying to resolve his digestive issues and it's been honestly disappointing and a never ending battle. But the thing is, it was also bad when we were no longer drinking further in our relationship and still having sex regularly. I understand he suffers, but I think sometimes the desire to have sex just doesn’t overpower what ever he is feeling. I wish sometimes it did. As women we grow up conditioned into thinking that men always want sex and are always hungry and looking for it. Even from my experience, whatever partner I have ever had has always been all over me. At one point in our relationship, he was addicted to pornography. He was also lying to me about masturbating. It took us a while to get over that and resolve it (if its been resolved). This fucked me up really bad, and still does today to be honest. He never wanted to have sex with me because he said he was tired or he would never finish and I found out he was watching porn and jerking off nearly every day. Its common for people with childhood trauma, or addictions in general to become addicted to internet porn.. But the feeling of someone rather having something that is non-physical and external to you- is unfathomable. We got through it, I’ve been under the impression for about a year that he doesn’t watch porn anymore. I honestly believe he doesn’t, and he wouldn’t really even have time to now anyways. But, is it wrong for me to still wonder in the back of my mind? I guess I have some questions to myself. Is my partner still addicted to porn? Is it wrong for me to be upset and sexually frustrated for not having sex more often while knowing he struggles with multiple things that cause him to feel this way? Is it just normal for some couples to not have sex more than once a week? Should I be “normalizing” it if I still feel crappy and like I want it more often?

Hi I’m new here. So I have just found out my boyfriend is on cam sites which I’m ok with that’s fine but the problem is I managed to log into his account and realised he talks to them all, he adds them on all social media accounts including what’s app Snapchat Instagram and also on Skype. In the conversations he sends pictures of his bits, really tragic pictures then asks to add them on Skype for 1-1 shows. I feel disgusted and totally betrayed! We have been together 4 year, had a baby split up then got back together we now live apart so don’t get to have sec much, but from the profile he has been on it for the last 10 years so it’s no TV a new thing. Is this cheating and how should I confront the situation. Please help.

Looking for some advice to understand why my husband needs to watch porn. Together for four years and when we started dating, I told him I am not someone who is ok with their BF watching porn and if this gets serious I wouldn’t want him to watch it. He said ok and then didn’t watch it in our relationship. Two months ago while fighting about something he said he wants to watch porn and if he could. I was so stocked but said I’ll think about it. Next time we spoke about it we started a fight and he said he’s going to watch it and I just have to deal with it. I just wanted understanding as I’ve never been ok with it and things he said like 'at least not I’m out cheating' and he wants to watch it as men need variety and watches it for the women. We then come to him watching it and i woudn't hear about it and if it affects us then I would bring it up. The next few weeks he barley initiated sex when he always would and then I caught him watching it while I was in the next room. He said didn’t think it was an issue as I said he could watch it and said he’s been watching it heaps as it’s a new toy, even when not using it to get off but wants to watch it. He did say he won’t watch as much, he was as he hasn’t watched it for so long and was loving it. I am still struggling with it but want to be ok with it so tried talking about it again and he wasn’t happy saying thought this was resolved and I just need to accept it, said he does want to watch it if I’m home as sometimes he’d prefer it over sex. I asked him if I wasn’t ok with porn would that be a deal breaker in our relationship, he said probably would as he wouldn’t be allowed to be himself that he likes looking at other women and porn isn’t an issue. Does anyone have any advice? Should I just try my best to not think about and be okay with him watching it while I’m at home? I can’t understand how this could be a deal breaker but is this how most men would be? And do guys really not want to talk about it with their partners even if would help them understand? Maybe someone has had a similar experience. Thank you.

My partner and I have been together for 5 months and we haven't had sex yet...he says that he is scared that he is not good enough. Before me he was single for 3 years and before that was in a relationship for 26 years. I love him to bits and don't know what to do.

I have had a sexual relationship with a man 24 years younger than me. We met as friends through my ex-husband quite a few years ago. We fell off some time ago and didn't talk for almost 2 years. Within the last 7 months or so we have reconnected and one thing led to another. I fell in love with him but he has said he can't be with anyone way older and recently had a younger gf only to come back to me 3 weeks into their relationship wanting sex. I still love him and am so confused and just wondering if anyone has any thoughts.