Understand WHY this is happening

Now let’s look at WHY this communication issue might be happening.

It may be that there’s a hidden issue at play – that’s the first thing we’ll investigate. A hidden issue is the root cause of a problem, not immediately visible on the surface. Sometimes hidden issues can stay hidden for long periods of time without ever being acknowledged. Press play on the animation below to get started.

When you start to dig, here are a few things to bear in mind:

Although it might not be pleasant, uncovering hidden issues means will make you a little more aware of your own emotions and triggers - we call this ‘emotional intelligence’. Having more emotional intelligence means you’re more likely to have stronger and more satisfying relationships.

Yes, we’re going there… hidden issues tend to be connected to our parental relationships. This is because our interactions in childhood tend to forge our emotional associations, which in turn help shape the way we are. Hidden issues can also stem from previous relationships and even friendships. 

In the interactive segment, when Meg looks into her own history to find the source of the problem, she’s dealing with some pretty heavy emotional memories. It will be difficult for her to learn that Will walking out has triggered a painful memory from her own history. This kind of digging can sometimes be quite painful. This is another reason why talking it through with someone you trust can be helpful.

Although you’re in a relationship and you’re perhaps quite comfortable with one another, you may not be ready to talk about any hidden issues with your partner. But that’s okay. Recognising them in yourself is a good first step to working out what changes you can make.

Uncovering these hidden issues can be helpful for you personally, and it can also mean that your partner knows how to be more sensitive towards you. Now that Will knows why Meg has an emotional reaction to him walking out, he can support her by trying not to trigger that fear of abandonment. He can take steps to reassure her that he’s not going to leave. Eventually, Will could even help to ease her fear of abandonment.

For someone to uncover a hidden issue, they need to dig into their own past experiences, just as Meg did. It could be very difficult and potentially damaging to try and do this for someone else. Instead, you can support them when they are ready for some help. If you’re close with them, they may have already told you bits and pieces about their history, so you can be valuable in their process. But it is their process, so it’s generally better for them to approach it in their own time and at their own pace. 

When you’re done with hidden issues, you can move on to the next page – which is the very practical bit.