Hello. I’m a 24 year old woman studying to be a doctor. I’m in a huge emotional crisis and feel like I’ll die from the pain and heartbreak I’ve experienced in the last year. A peer and I started interacting during our first year in college and liked each other. We both knew it’s mutual but eventually things took a massive turn and destroyed my reality. Now I don’t know what to do and am asking for advice. What I didn’t know is that he had a gf of about 3 years already and when I came to know about it, it looked like he wasn’t with her anymore during the time we had our little thing going. And he had so much genuine liking, kindness, generosity and adoration for me, that I truly believed he deeply felt for me and there was no way he felt for anyone else. Now fast forward about a year from when we started interacting. He starts posting super intimate and romantic posts on social media with her. He seems so physically intimate with her and really close. While the next day he comes to school still showing interest in me. I’m shattered. Didn’t know who to say what happened and just kept it to myself and went on with my day being in pain both physically and emotionally. Also, I didn’t want to interact with him anymore cuz I feel like he wronged me on so many levels. He knew I had religious restrictions as an unmarried woman and I still showed some vulnerability to him thinking he will never do wrong by me. It’s not like we were ever physically intimate or anything. But I felt I was emotionally intimate with him in certain ways and got close to him in ways I would never allow someone else. Bc I truly believed he was so respectful and truly cared about my well being. It was a fairy tale for me. Found the guy, who never seemed to be wanting to take but give love respecting the boundaries I have to maintain bc of my religious limitations. I had even imagined him to be my forever, my spouse someday and the father to my kids. That’s how strongly I felt for him bc of the great person he was. But that sudden turn of events shattered my heart in such a way that now I feel if I move on from him, I’ll start things off with a distrust toward a new person. also I’ve tried a lot to move on but find myself thinking about all our memories. Also he keeps holding on to me by showing interest making me think maybe he is in a situation he can’t get out of and asking for help. So I made sure I just wait for him and don’t reciprocate anyone else’s feelings in the meantime. But he goes vacationing with his gf and posts pics of deep intimate kisses with his gf. Now I’ve never kissed anyone nor been in a relationship before. He’s the first person I’ve ever reciprocated my feelings to though keeping the distance. So I don’t really know what those kisses meant for him. Can someone kiss another person without feeling anything? The thing is I don't know why he is doing all these things. Also he is vacationing with his gf meaning sleeps in the same bed as her from what I understood. Also seemingly the way they are intimate I can’t help but think they must have done everything meaning had s*x. You can think I’m all judgmental but how do I accept it that while being in a connection with me he has been that close with another woman if not had s*x but kissed so intimately. Would any of you just take him back considering the past connection we had? Is this normal? Look I’m not judging kissing I’ve seen his pics like from before but that was before we met and he was in a relationship. Tbh my heart sunk seeing those pics but I never expressed it to him cuz I didn’t wanna make him feel bad about anything since he was so child like sweet person. I assumed it was the cultural norm and it’s fine not like he’s wanted to kiss me rather he truly loved me that’s why loved despite knowing I couldn’t offer him any intimacy before we got married. I knew he was a great guy and those kisses didn’t matter but now it’s different. Please tell me is this normal? Also during our connection in the beginning he had acted immature and been jealous even when I interacted with a really elderly professor and I even acted rude to people or ignored them just so he doesn’t get jealous. And this is the same person who goes on to being so physically intimate with another. Also around the same time, I’ve seen him taking interest in 2 other girls while he just showed interest in me and that was my first heartbreak with him. And so I instantly stopped showing interest in him and showed interest in another guy briefly who was of the same faith as me and is a great guy. But I forgave him in my mind realizing he showed interest in those girls not realizing I was just as much interested or maybe misunderstood me. I thought that’s what had happened cuz that was never repeated. So the second guy I’ve been talking about, he is great. Has been waiting for me ever since although he knew I was with the first guy. I’ve tried to convey to the second the guy, that I showed interest in him acting out of impulse and hurt from the first guy but got back with the first guy when I knew he was all about me and wasn’t interested in anyone else. But the second guy never seemed to move on from me. I feel so guilty about that too. The first guy still keeps showing interest in me while being with his gf and not letting me go. If he let me go, maybe I could move on. I wish I knew better and chose the second guy who never disappointed me neither disrespected me. The thing is I truly believed the first guy so deeply loved me. But how can someone be so intimate with another person and love you? Please tell me what to do. I’ve broken dreams with him. A part of me still holds on to the sweet person that he is and wants him to be my family and the father of my kids someday. How do I let go of this feeling? I’ve never been unfaithful to him and a part of me says he is faithful to me and only acting with his gf. What do I do?