Hi, I was texting with one guy for a half an year and never met with him cuz he was look like a boy about i always dreamed about, i was really scared, cuz my whole life was full of disappointments by ex friend family. I had really hard childhood and life, and I ve never open with someone.

Finally we met and from this day we felt in love with eachother, became like a soul mates, family, best friends everything for eachother. After first meeting practically start living together, struggling with everything in foreigner country. First time in my life I opened myself to someone, told every darkness or lightness from my life, traumas, every secret.

We became attached to each other, we even stay outside few times but nothing could killed our happiness we enjoyed everything together nothing make sense when we next to each other, he saw much good things to me, told that she was always dreaming about me, that i was better than most of people, i dont know words cannot explain how crazy story we had, how we trusted eachother, only there was one thing which make me to overthink and have much doubts, he was always hiding his phone too unnatural way, even panick when i ve just wanted to see time, every people in my life broke my heart and 2 years I ve just been alone fixing and building myself, finally start self love and self respect, and cuz of much reasons I took his phone, and see that he was texting with smn who in the past showed him nudes, i got angry lit bit but he explained that she was childhood friend and it was past I understand him..

Before new year i again take his phone and see that she is still sending nudes and texting him like with bf, my bf spoke so cold, but i got angry cuz when it happened first time he promise that he will not text with her, i told him if u won't text her that u have gf and she must stop flirting with u, and that he can text with her but after told her truth, he said he cannot.

Finally, she is his girlfriend whom he know for 16 years 5 years they are in relationship, and he needs time to make decision, me or her, I still understand him and support him in this hard situation, but now i don't know what im doing I'd never done like that, but i can't and don't want to live without him, i see how he really suffering from start and big sorrow inside of him, that he really loves me so much and we ve never had that much close relationship, but i don't know if I'm acting correctly to myself, why I'm doing this to myself, 3days he opened with me and im suffering so much, he told me that he wanted to choose me but he need time, I m so paranoid generally especially now, as I got he is afraid to be judged from his and her family, their friends... I don't know what should I do, btw this girl is in his hometown and have not meet each other for 3 years