Hello guys, First of all, I would like to make it clear that I have NO INTENTIONS whatsoever on breaking up a relationship - that’s just not me. But I cannot help but hope for a future for us. It’s all just confusing. First of all, me and him got to know each other at around April of 2019, to the extent of us becoming almost best friends in a ridiculously short period of time; we just clicked. There was undeniably some flirting here and there, but it was mainly dominated by our friendship. We would go to the library to study, play imessage games the whole night before our exams etc... just the perfect friendship.

During the 2019 summer, I went on holiday for a long time, just when I had started off a great friendship, with very subtle feelings. During this holiday, I made a big mistake. I had gotten into a relationship, and excitedly told him about it. At this point I had never been in a relationship before, therefore, with the magic influence of the summer time, I had rushed into things with no rational thought. However this didn’t last long, as we ‘broke up’ shortly after. When I had returned from this holiday in September, my boy-best friend had disappeared; not in the literal sense, but was almost unreachable. A guy that I used to talk to everyday, that I had subtle feelings for, had become unapproachable. You guessed it, he had a girlfriend.

I have no idea why, but I honestly felt sad. I had no right to, I was first to get into a relationship during summer, although my one wasn’t as serious as his. He had met a girl, gotten into a relationship and decided to live a low-key off social relationship with her. I had tried to hit him up a couple of times, but it often seemed like he didn’t want to engage in conversations, therefore I let him be for quite some time and focused on other things.

Literally about two weeks ago, him and his friend (who is also an acquaintance of mine), decided to swing by my school so we could sit in the car and catch up. I was so excited to talk to him again, catch up with him, maybe return to olden times. I didn’t know how much this would affect me until I saw him and heard his voice again, after a very long time. We talked and just engaged in conversations about our current love lives (mine being very dull) etc.

Ever since then, we decided to meet up every week, once a week to do this, which I'm not sure will be kept up but we’ll see. Today is valentines day. It has been about two weeks that I couldn’t stop thinking about him. He is constantly on my mind and I’ve been an emotional wreck for what seems like so so long. I constantly have butterflies, but not the cute type - a full on what feels like an adrenaline rush. I’m seeing his girlfriend and him posting their dinner, their classy outfits of a perfect date night and I can’t help but tear up.

I’m so happy for him, he deserves the absolute best, but I can’t help but wonder whether this amazing, funny, compatible boy would have been with me today, if I had not made that huge mistake during summer. I don’t know what love feels like, but I think this might be it. I think I am in love.