Bit of background - been with my partner for nearly 12 years. I was 18 when we met. He always said he didn’t want children but I just didn’t really think much of it back then being young etc. we’ve had a lot happen in this time and truth be told I’ve been miserable with the relationship I would say for about 5 years. In this time I lost a parent and so did he so I just put it down to us both grieving and having a lot of stress In our lives. Fast forward to October 2024 and I accidentally fell pregnant (missed pill situ) and when I told him he wasn’t happy but I said I wouldn’t have an abortion because I’m not about that and I’m 30 so I’m at an age where getting pregnant isn’t a big deal. Anyway after weeks of arguments and him saying he can’t be a father etc I agreed to have an abortion. At the time I was ok and just got on with it for the sake of our relationship. I knew if I kept that child he would resent me forever and that’s not what I wanted. Since then he has been so cold towards me, I’ve had no support from him, not even a hug. I’m not allowed to talk about it and I’m just so hurt. I went through so much emotionally and I regret it everyday. I just want someone to hug me and tell me it’s going to be ok and I’m not a bad person for what I did. I really thought he would support me but it’s just making me start to hate him. We argue everyday, we don’t talk, we don’t do anything together, we just co-exist. We got into a heated argument the other day and I brought up the abortion and he said some horrible things back to me about how I need to be over it & it wasn’t a big deal. All I dream about is meeting someone who is lovely, who would talk to me and enjoy my company. And maybe consider starting a family instead of being so negative and cold. Today I’m at a low point, I’m having one of those days where I can’t see a way out of anything. I can’t talk to anyone, if I move out of his house I have no where to go. I’ve been with this guy for so long that I don’t know a life without him in it and that’s so scary but I also can’t be here in another 12 years time feeling this way. Can I please have some advice on what to do. I almost wish I would meet someone new whilst I’m still with him so it would push me to leave but I would never cheat or do anything like that. It’s like I almost need to meet someone to make me realise how utterly shit this all is & show me the life I could really have. Being in my early 30s is making it worse because everywhere I look someone is having a baby or getting married and I almost feel like my time is running out & who would want to go out with me when I’m older as surely most people have settled by now? (I sound crazy but this is the way I see it and it’s deriving me insane!!!)