I apologize that this is kind of long. My boyfriend is 21. He and I have been together for a year and a half. Honestly things are wonderful, aside from sex. He’s so sweet and loving and constantly compliments me and tells me how beautiful and sexy I am... but never wants to have sex. He says his sex drive isn’t high. He doesn’t even jack off anymore (I would know, we live together and are both unemployed at the moment). Every time I bring it up he just gets pissed off and defensive and says it’s not his fault he doesn’t desire to have sex.
Before we had sex we were constantly doing foreplay and exploring. And then for the last year since we’ve had sex it’s been maybe once a week. The longest being three weeks. He doesn’t even want to receive anything from me when we aren’t having sex. (He actually just walked in and saw I was crying and saw what I was doing and started screaming at me and throwing things, so that’s what I mean by extremely defensive about the subject). I just tried explaining to him AGAIN the emotional toll it takes on me. It makes me feel so undesirable despite him always complimenting me. I feel like my boobs aren’t big enough or I’m not pretty enough and I just spiral into depression. When I said he doesn’t care about the emotional toll it takes on me he screamed “if I didn’t care about you I wouldn’t be with you” and slammed the door.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve never heard of a 21-year-old guy rarely wanting sex and not even jacking off. He refuses to go to a doctor about a possible hormone dysfunction because he says “sex really isn’t that important I just value your companionship. Sex isn’t a big hype like everyone makes it out to be.” And I love him so much too and I DO value our companionship. He had me move to Savannah with him and always talks about us getting married and how much he loves and adores me and we are smitten. So I hate how not feeling “wanted” by him affects me so much.
The only time things get super nasty between us (arguments) is on the topic of sex. He’s so sick and tired of me bringing it up. I don’t understand how we can be so happy but then in the moments I think about the sex I get so depressed. I mean it literally makes me feel so dead inside and undesirable; despite all the compliments he gives me (which I’m very grateful for). I can’t figure out what to do. I’m worried about our future too. If the sex is once a week when he’s 21... what’s it going to be like when he’s 30... 40? It’s scary. I don’t need the physical aspect of it as much as the emotional. I need to feel desirable and wanted and the feeling of being something that turns him on. He says he is turned on by me all the time and that he just doesn’t feel like having sex. So all I’m left with is confusion. I’m so lost.