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Lack of desire or excitement

Hi everybody. I am writing here because i feel desperate and exhausted. People in my life i tried to speak to about this have been very harsh so id appreciate even just a little bit of empathy.

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 10 years. I am 29 so I was  young when i met him, and for a number of reasons we moved in together less than a year into our relationship. Things have been very good for us, even if of course with time our passion has faded away gradually. We would still have sex but without the excitement of the beginning (as it happens naturally i guess). This fact has not bothered me too much until a year ago.

There have been some changes in my life, and I feel like I have become more and more comfortable with my sexuality. I grew up in a very religious family so even if from the beginning i have been enjoying sex with him, it was not until recently that i have become more aware of my sexual needs and desires. I think a part of me feels that i cannot express this side of me with him because we have been together for so long and its not who i am with him- it feels wrong. Simultaneously, i have become attracted to a man i met in the course of the past year. We have developed deep feelings  and we are also very attracted to each other- the chemistry drives us both insane, but we have talked about it and we have agreed that we want to remain just friends because we both love our partners. 

However, in the past few months it has become nearly impossible for me to have sex with my boyfriend- all i think about is this other person. I try to push him out of my mind but the idea of him is the only one that excites me. I feel horrible about this and wish I could change how my body feels but dont know how to. My boyfriend knows that i consider this person very important and has understood it (they know each other) but I havent told him about the sexual fantasies/desires because I dont want to hurt him. I have also spoken to him about my concerns about our lack of passion/excitement, and he has been trying to calm me, telling me it happens at times and it will get better.

I really want things to work between us because I want to marry him, but I also dont want to feel so dissatisfied sexually. If you have ever been through something similar id love to know how/if you worked through through. Any advice or (as I said at the beginning) words of comfort are also most welcome- i have never felt this lost before.

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