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"He is happy this way"

When we first got together my bf could not keep his hands off me. We had sex five times a week. Fast forward a year later it went down to once a week. Yes porn was the issue. Fast forward another year it went to once every two weeks. Porn even more. Now to today yet another year gone by. We have sex once a month. I tried all the time to be the one to start sex between us. Every time I get pushed away and given some bullshit excuse why he won't have sex with me. Then he goes and watches his porn and gets himself off.

We have talked we have argued and I have poured my heart out to him. Nothing has gotten better. It has gotten worse. He lies about it, he sneaks it and even watches it while at work. He says he does not have an addiction, but if you can't go without looking at it or listening to it in some form everyday for hours... sorry baby your addicted. When we do have sex once a month he never finishes with me. He always jerks himself off. Porn has made him unable to enjoy real sex with a real person at least not with me anymore.

The only thing that would help us is for him to admit his addiction and put porn blockers on the computer and cell phone. I would help him but he keeps saying 'I don't t have a problem'. When you choose porn over the person you say you love over and over and over how can you not see its a problem? I love this man more than I have ever loved anyone.

Our relationship would be perfect if he would stop the porn. I can't force him and I can't get him to see how it's ripping us apart. I feel alone, I feel unwanted. There are days where I can tell he wishes I would just hurry up and leave so he can do his thing. There are times I'm right there naked next to him all day and he won't touch me but as soon as I'm asleep or as soon as I leave he jerks off. I'm tired of being in a relationship where I am only getting half of the person I love. How do I make him see his porn and masturbation is killing us? He actions and how it effects me effects us well it seems he does not care at all. He only cares about the fact that he is feeling good in his sexual moments alone. So I ask myself all the time why am I even here if he doesn't want me? Am I fooling myself that it will ever get better?

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