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“Could my wife be gay?”

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My wife and I have been married for two decades. After our second and last child was conceived, my wife's libido dropped to zero. This was 15 years ago. When I told her that lack of intimacy and sex in our marriage was putting me on the edge of walking away, she agreed to try to spice things up. She said that it was difficult to get in the mood because she was always so tired from work and household chores. I took the cue and took over all of the household duties, but still no response from her.

I offered to watch some porn together to see if that would help and she agreed but only if they were all-girl videos. When she would watch these with me she responded quite well! Without the video, if I would initiate contact by touching her she would have no physiological response. I don't think that she is aware of any of this. She certainly hasn't been willing to talk about it with me.

But I started putting two and two together and I wonder if she didn't marry me to be able to have a "normal" life, be able to raise a family, and avoid all of the challenges of a non-standard nuclear family that she would have to face in a same-sex relationship.

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Sex after giving birth

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“He watches porn but never touches me”

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User article | pornography, masturbation, sexless

“Why doesn't my husband want me?”

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“He watches pornography”

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User article | pornography, masturbation

“My partner watches porn instead”

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“Addicted to pornography”

I am writing this post because I want to share with you a personal struggle. I have been single for a year now. I have a high sex drive. I need an orgasm and as a result I sometimes masturbate every day. I feel guilty because I need to watch adult material for this and I dont think it's very ethical. I sometimes think it's an addiction that I would like to get rid of. On the other hand, having an orgasm is human nature and I also feel more relaxed after this. What do you think? Did you ever come through this period in your life? Thanks

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“How to talk about sex toys?”

I've been married for almost a year and my husband's sex drive has diminished a lot. He is 39 and I am 29. We used to have sex about four or five times a week for about a year (about six months dating and three months married), but now we barely get it on once a week. He just switched jobs and we moved to a new country and I understand he is under a lot of pressure, but I know from his browser history that he has been watching porn about three or four times a week. I suspect he masturbates but I'm not sure. I don't pry – he leaves the porn tabs open and, as we share computers, I run across them. I've tried approaching the subject calmly and asking if he wants to try something new but he denies it and doesn't want to talk about it. I know he is curious about anal sex and toys from his porn searches, which are pretty softcore, by the way. So I want to try some of them with him. The problem is, he is a typical christian macho man who says masturbation and porn are wrong even though he does it on the side. I am totally okay with both and we have talked about it. He knows I respect his privacy and as long as he is not choosing porn over me or getting addicted, I am fine with it. I am just worried now that he doesn't want to have sex with me but is watching porn often. Our sex life has been on decline in quality too. Honestly, using a vibrator, for example, would really be great for me too, since lately he just finishes in two minutes and barely even tries to touch me. I haven't let myself go, I've actually been exercising for over six months now and look better than before. I try to dress nicely for him and make myself up but he doesn't seem to care. I just want to make sex interesting again, for both of us. Should I even try to talk to him about it or would I be risking damaging his masculinity too much? How can I bring it up without hurting his masculinity? I am at my wit's end here.

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My boyfriend isn't interested anymore in me

I have been with my boyfriend almost 2 years. Everything is perfect, he loves me, cares about me, shows me affection, does everything without me having to ask him. Our sex life was amazing at the beginning. We used to have sex almost 3-4 times in a day. But recently he hasn't been interested anymore. I know he's not cheating on me. Whenever I try to approach him for sex, he mostly denies it, I've tried everything. He tells me he's tired and doesn't have the energy but he watches porn and masturbates right beside me, after masturbating he comes to me to cuddle, gives me kisses and tells me that he loves me, but whenever he masturbates, I feel like shit, I just end up crying feeling bad feeling like shit about myself, like I'm not enough. I watch porn too, but I don't know why I feel bad when he does it. Ik he loves me, he loves me a lot. It's not like he's got a low libido. I have tried to talk to him about it, he always gets mad when I bring it up, he says that it makes him feel like he's not man enough, it makes him insecure but it also makes me insecure. It's ruining my mental health, sometimes I don't even wanna meet him, cause at night, he'll just masturbate. I can't get over this. Sometimes I wish he just couldn't get it hard, than at least I'd feel better about our sex life. He gets excited when I tell him I will try anal sex, he's ready and tries to do it, but when it's just normal sex, he's not into it. I miss how he was so into me, and sometimes when we do have sex, it's mostly me trying to seduce him, give him a blowjob, cowgirl and him fucking me from side. I don't wanna break up with him, I love him a lot, I just want to accept the changes in our relationship. I just want to stop approaching him for sex or feeling bad about it, he knows how I feel. I just want to be other this part of our relationship and just be happy with our relationship.

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Masturbating instead of having sex

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User article | sexless, masturbation, pornography

Boyfriend is into transgender escorts

My partner of 2.5 yrs and I have just split, and I'm having a hard time dealing with it. We lived together for just over a year (in my house), he's late 30's....I'm mid 30's In March this year we both changed jobs and were probably having a little bit if a stressful time. For a period after this I felt like there was something just not right between us, and although I approached him a couple of times to talk my worries over he convinced me there was nothing wrong, and in time once our new jobs had settled we'd 'get back to normal'. My mind was settled for a short time but one night in mid may I went through his computer and mobile phone. I'd like to add that I felt shocking about this, but just had to ease my thoughts. I discovered he'd been watching transvestite porn, logging into sexual social network sites for transgender escorts, seeking out cross dressers services, emailing them with enquiries, and calling them. I was shocked and confused...I didn't go to work the next day, telling him I felt under the weather. I spent all day deciding how I was going to approach this and confront him. I felt so hurt and inadequate, but equally I thought if I could speak to him calmly he'd have an explaination. At worst I thought if he was confused about his own sexuality I didn't want him to feel judged or ashamed. When he got in from work, I asked him what he'd been doing during his 2 days he'd had off that week whilst I was at work...he just said not much really, playing the Xbox, tidying etc...I asked if anything else and he started to be uncomfortable with the interrogation! Eventually I asked if he'd been watching porn.... He laughed it off...and kept saying no. He was lying... I eventually told him I knew he'd been watching it, I knew he'd emailed and telephoned male escorts... He told me I was ridiculous and trying to cause an argument... When I'd searched his computer, I printed everything off....so I gave him the print outs. He was so embarrassed, he didn't know what to say, he clearly felt completely caught out. The only explaination he could offer me was 'it was just a joke, a one off stupid joke' and he'd never do it again. I didn't know what to believe and over the course of the next couple of days I just accepted what he had said and tried to get in with life. After 6wks I felt like there was something still not right, I tried to talk to him but he repeatedly would say I was been silly and nothing was wrong. Again I checked his computer and mobile and discovered each time he'd been off work and I was at work he'd been looking at and contacting transvestite escorts, watching porn of the same nature. I asked him if he'd been doing it again and he said no, he'd never do that again and jeopardise us like that again. I confronted him with what I found again.... He'd never stopped looking, in the six wks we had since the first time I found out. He says he's never met them, but I don't know if that's true or not, he lied about the whole thing in the first place so what's to say he hasn't lied about that. During the following week we tried to make things right again, he said he didn't want to lose us, and neither did I really but I didn't understand his interests in the escorts. 5 days later we'd gone out for a family celebration, had quite a lot to drink but had a great day. That night in my drunken state I mistakingly text a male friend with a text ment for my other half. When I fell asleep he checked my phone and saw it, thought the worst and wasn't happy (naturally). Even though my friend replied the next morning with a message that made it clear what I had sent wasn't meant for him. When I woke, he said it was all over. He couldn't do it anymore, that he felt like I cheated on him!! He said he was going to his parents for a couple of days to clear his head... 2 days later I came home from work to find everything that belonged to him gone. Since that day 4wks ago he won't talk, text, meet...nothing. It's like I don't exist to him anymore and I feel like I'm greiving a death. I have been to the doctors to ask for some help as I'm finding I just can't cope, I'm constantly in a state, hardly eating or sleeping. I feel completely inadequate, hopeless, not good enough.... Was I not good enough? Did I not fill his sexually desires? Has this been going on always and I didn't know? I feel like the breakdown is all my fault - I mean a text to a friend incorrectly - is that really relationship ending stuff?? I tried so hard to get him to open up to me about what he was looking at and explain things. I tried to make him feel like he wasn't been judged so he could feel comfortable to talk. What did I do wrong?

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“My man has low sex drive, but looks at porn”

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Ask the community | sexless, pornography, rejection

“Caught my partner watching porn”

I don't know what hurt me the most. The fact i thought i knew him and thought he wasn't like that, the fact he KNOWS i don't like it and I've told him it would really hurt me or the fact he told me not to come round and pick him up and instead he'd wait for the car and meet me at mine in an hour (well now i no why he didn't want me to turn up!) Walking in on him last week really shocked me. His face when he slammed his laptop down and ran to the door and almost stopped me from coming in was weird!! And I am SUCH a fool! Immediately I thought porn but even though he had no pants on I still reminded myself not to assume as ironically its our 1 year anniversary next week and I thought he may be booking something. Ha!! Anyway, I asked him if it was good (i was actually only joking as i didn't see the toilet roll until after I'd asked it) and he said no not really and I nearly broke down in tears. Anyhow long story short I stormed out and drove home with my phone in my bag assuming he'd be ringing or texting asking why I left but NOTHING. It took me 20-25 minutes to get home and then when he did text he had a go at me!!! So when I phoned him (really upset and shouting) he initially said he did it for me. Later when he admitted he didn't know why he did it I then got him to admit that actually he was lying about "doing it for me". He claims he cant remember me telling him how much it would hurt me and says its the first time he's ever done it. However i'm finding it hard to believe that its such a coincidence that the first time he does it since being with me is the time i walk in on him doing it. I don't know what to do. Its our anniversary on Friday and I've only just started being able to put my arms round him n let him get close in bed and kissing and this happened last Wednesday! We have good sex n he does very nice things for me but the fact he obviously doesn't listen to me or care about my feelings means I'm struggling to get over it. How can I trust he wont do it again?? Please help!

Ask the community | pornography, trust

“My boyfriend is into transgender”

I was in a two-year relationship with a man that I loved and still love. We were happy together, however he wasn't into me sexually. He had sex in the past with trans women but he wanted to have heterosexual relationship. I was all the time worried he might want that back. Shortly after our breakup for something very silly, he had sex with trans w. When I collected my stuff from his house, he wanted me back, wanted having sex with me. I refused it because of what he has done. Now there are five months since our break and I miss him. He is occasionally seeing a girl from university and also he is seeing men to have sex. He said he is missing me sometimes as well. I know it is a stupid question but I want him back and I know it's wrong but I really do miss his company. I can't stop thinking of him, does any one think there is a chance for our relationship? How can I stop feeling for him? I hate myself for being emotionally so weak and wanting him back while he is dating different people... I think I need therapy. Can someone help me?

User article | pornography, rejection

“Caught boyfriend masturbating as I slept”

I've been with my boyfriend for six months now and we live in our own flat. Everything's great etc and Yesterday we had sex during The day, and I fell asleep in bed cuddled up to my boyfriend about 1am this morning. About an hour later I was only half asleep but he thought I was completely asleep, he moved away from me and do I could tell he was flicking thru the xxx channels like babestation. I pretended to sleep but Then he started wanking to it, I left it for 5 mins but just got angry about it and woke up saying go to the living room. Then refused to say anything else, he said sorry and went to sleep. Was wondering should I have been angry at this? Cuz I am but I don't know why! Think I feel not as hot as those girls on TV or something. I know he'd be annoyed if I did it. I know everyone masturbates etc. I do to porn and he does etc. Just the fact I don't want to see the actual girls that does it for him... If that makes sense.

Ask the community | pornography, arguments

Boyfriend not interested in sex

Hi there. Apologies for the length of this post. My boyfriend and I (early 30s) have been together 2 years and live together. We have discussed a serious future together including marriage and kids. Initially we had a very good sex life (at least twice a week) but I’d say over the past year or so, things have been dwindling. I think I have a higher sex drive than him, and often if I try to initiate sex - I often get turned down and he will say he is too tired. He often has long shifts and early starts but sometimes this is even the case on his days off. I’d say sometimes we have sex once every 2-weeks. I’m finding this difficult as I would like to have more sexual intimacy. I’ve tried talking about this with him many times but he often gets very defensive and doesn’t want to talk about it. I feel he is embarrassed by it almost that I seem to want sex more than him. The relationship is otherwise great, he is affectionate and intimate in other ways but I feel when it comes to sex - he just doesn’t seem interested in me sexually. I don’t know what to do. It makes me feel really insecure and anxious when we go so long without having sex as it is important for me. And sometimes I feel depressed when he isn’t interested and I don’t feel desired. So I realise this is a pretty bad thing to do..but I did it out of desperation more than anything else. I realise this is an invasion of his privacy and I feel terrible but I checked his phone history and found he has been using porn very regularly - and unexpected categories like GILFS/ grannies/ MILF/ older women/ really large women. He is 30. Im the same age and large breasted but not fat. He has also watched gay porn including searches for things like “twinks” (had to look up what this meant) and also males orgasming. It makes me so distressed knowing he watches this yet is not sexual with me. I realise straight men sometimes watch gay porn but I was besides myself. I think he obviously watches this when I am out but it hurts me that he seems to be able to browse lots of porn but not be sexual with me. I understand that most men watch porn even in relationships, but surely if we are having less sex than I would like this is a problem? He clearly seems happy with sex with me once every couple of weeks because he is satisfying himself several times in between. I feel very hurt. I can’t bring this up as I obviously invaded his privacy and have probably made things worse! I thought about casually asking him directly if he watches porn but think he will likely hide it. Would be grateful for any advice. Thank you!

User article | sexless, pornography

“Husband doesn't care about sex”

My husband says he doesn't care about sex, and how he could care less about it. He's got a low sex drive etc. However his Google history says otherwise - it's all pornhub. I'm the one who always starts it, at least 90 percent of the time. I've suggested all kinds of things to spice things up because it's the same every time. Basically there's very little foreplay unless it's me to him. In the winter time he was home so I took control and just started doing it and trying to not care. Well than I saw that if we didn't do anything, if I didn't start it, he'd wait literally till I walked out the door, then it was right to pornhub. Like if he's horny why not just say something? Like not once has he ever just tried to please me with nothing in return unless again I'm in the middle of my own time on my own, then sometimes he will. Usually he comes in, gets his phone and leaves and goes on his way. I'm not sure if it's worth mentioning but I've had a big weight loss and I'm not sure if it's me getting in my head or not. But I'm starting to wonder if he's just not sexually attracted to me anymore? I'm not sure what to think or do or is it normal I'd say up until xmas it was 2-3 months in between. Since xmas it was almost every other day when I took control since I had enough of months in between, but again I got tired of being the only one to say anything. And yes he does knows it bugs me and here we are still. I should add the only one day I can count he will start it is valentine day which makes me even more mad. But, as I said above, in the winter I took over and it wasn't to bad. I bought us a sexy game and stuff. We never have played it and when I took it out to play he's like meh and put it away and we just did usual sex.

User article | pornography

“My boyfriend masturbates in bed”

I've caught my boyfriend of five months on multiple occasions masturbating in bed right next to me. I get very offended and angry because I would much rather have him wake me up to take care of it. I've told him this. He always denies it completely and makes it sound like I'm delusional for even thinking that he would do such a thing. I feel like he switched it to make me the bad person so he doesn't feel guilty. I'm just not sure what to do about it.

Ask the community | intimacy, sex, decline, pornography

He lied to me about porn

I found out in May my boyfriend was watching Trans porn in the bathroom right next to the room at night when i was waiting in bed for him.. he lied to me over and over again & finally came out with the truth after i saw he followed them on instagram. I’m still very hurt about this situation and just recently saw there’s trans people blocked from last month on his instagram.. i don’t know wether i should stay with him or just leave i don’t want to be cheated on in real life in the future .. Im also pregnant:( And when we have sex It’s always from the back Never intimate.. I had a talk with him but i think another is needed

User article | sex, pornography

Husband had an addiction to transgender

I don’t even know where to start…. It all began on my honeymoon. I found out that my husband had a very ugly past. He had been with over 10 transgender sex workers, frequented gay establishments to have sexual encounters with men anonymously, would use “glory holes” to get off, has multiple accounts on cheating apps as well as transgender for rent apps. He had once posted an ad on Craigslist to try to find someone. He was completely obsessed. This was going on until a couple months before he and I met. Supposedly he has not done or even thought about any of this since we’ve been together. We’ve been together 2 years. We have been talking to a certified sec therapist. This is a sex addiction. And similar to drugs or alcohol addiction this won’t go away. There isn’t a cure. He can learn how to cope and not give into triggers if he’s willing to do the hard work. He has to take a polygraph after his disclosure letter to me. This is all done thru the CSAT. He can’t be trusted. He lied to me from the very beginning of our relationship. I should have knows all of this. Now I am here with him. I uprooted my 4 kids from our home and we have combined our families. He also has 4 kids. This is a complete nightmare.

User article | pornography, affair, addiction

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