I didn't ever want to have to talk about this. It's so hurtful, but here I am. My boyfriend and I have been together eight years and it has been so amazing after ironing out the beginning, which should have just smacked me and clear then but nope. In the last three years, we haven't had sex. Nor kissing with passion. I get the same smooch his mother gets! No tight snuggles, no lying watching a movie together. It's him on his phone and I watch TV alone. I have tried and tried to start something but it's play-stupid and rollover game. After three years a person has been over-patient. It started as me trying to walk by him naked or spray my perfume on before bed, or sexy panties. I'm a small woman. Nothing has changed with me, and I get nothing from him, not even a rollover for a kiss. He faces away from me and turns his head to the side for my magical goodnight kiss. In the last seven months, I have started to say "I'm here why don't you want me"? But I get excuses or it gets turned around on me so I am made to feel bad. Now it's to the point of me crying and crying, "Why don't you want me?" "What can I do to change?". I was made to feel his sex drive was low and he is so sorry, blah blah blah.. Screw that! His sex drive isn't too low for porn! He hasn't been touching me but he sure has been doing it to porn... We have watched porn together. I'm up for it, for sure, to help get a little dirtier but when he doesn't touch me unless he's been watching porn... no thank you! And you know what kills me? After I sat many times over like an ass thinking he would stop, he won't. I told him it makes me feel ugly and unwanted and just discarded that he doesn't get aroused by me but has to use other women. I thought "My man isn't like that, he will stop, he knows it hurts me, and he wont hurt me". Boy, was I wrong. He not only keeps watching it alone but hides the page or clicks the home button when I walk in the room. I'm not a complete idiot. So again last night, I cried and begged him to please stop watching it alone. Touch me if you're horny, I'm right here, why aren't I good enough? And I get deny, deny, deny and now I'm crazy, I didn't see porn, he isn't watching that. I have problems, I'd better go see a counsellor. I'm an embarrassment, I'm being an Idiot... I'm told to f off, get out of his face, he's tired of my bullshit. Last night, I lay in bed with so much going on in my mind. I kept to myself, watched a movie and fell asleep. Woke up at 5:15 cause I rolled over and, hmmm, he was gone. I got up to pee and, lo and behold, there he was on the couch on his phone. As soon as he saw me, that phone was flipped over faster than you can imagine. So I asked, "Hey, wanna prove me wrong? Let me see your phone. Show me the last page you were on. Prove me a paranoid crazy woman, just show me something", and as I stood there crying, pleading to him to prove me I'm wrong he tells me he's tired and will show me later... And his phone is hidden. Weird how it isn't on the end table like it is every night for the last eight years! My last comment to him was, "If you can't show me your phone and prove me wrong, then I now know I'm 110% right." He isn't going to stop. He doesn't care how it makes me feel and what am I doing still writing this? No sex for three years, over-excessive pain and anger, that's how my life has been. But I do see I'm not alone. To any woman or man that has a partner that makes them feel this way – please don't keep hurting yourself by letting someone stomp on your trust and heart. You're amazing and don't let anyone tell or show you different. Sorry it's probably all over the map, I'm still shaking from this morning's hidden phone event! Someone, anyone, talk to me please.

I have been married for 12 years. My husband and I are happy. We do not have a perfect marriage but who does? From the start of our marriage we never had much of a sex life, even as newlyweds. We would average maybe four times a month on a good month. He is not very affectionate toward me either. I had never felt attractive in my marriage. I am always the one who initiated sex and most of the time I got turned down. He does not kiss me and never performed oral sex for me at all, but expects it from me every time and sometimes just that for him and nothing at all for me. Later I found out he was watching porn A LOT. This broke my heart, because he never wanted me. About nine years and two sweet daughters later I found out that he was cheating – it was a one night thing. He swore that it meant nothing. For me to stay I demanded he tell me everything. I also found the other woman and talked to her about it. The stories matched up – apparently the plan was to cheat with her but he could not get an erection despite her best efforts. I asked him if he had kissed her (he never kisses me) and he had – not only that but, because he couldn't perform, he gave her oral sex! He never does this for me! I was very upset and left him. He was devastated and apologised and said he would be a better husband and do all those things for me, blah blah blah. So for my children and the fact that I love him we worked it out. He has done much better – he still will not kiss me but he will occasionally do oral. And he is more affectionate and I can honestly see that he is trying more than he ever has. Our sex life was great – five or six times a week and much more passion than ever before. But for the past two weeks he has not touched me, despite my attempts. When I asked him about it he said he was just in a down spiral (I forgot to mention he has cycling bi-polar disorder) and that his sex drive decreases when he has a down phase. I tried to understand and be supportive, but I checked his phone last night and his history was absolutely full of porn! So his sex drive is decreased but he can watch porn and not want to have sex with me? I do not understand this and it makes me feel disgusting! I even offered for us to watch together but he did not want to do that. My body has changed a lot since having our children, and he knows how insecure I am about it. He says my body has nothing to do with it it's just his bi-polor decreasing his libido. But i don't know about that seems like if libido was decreased it would be decreased for everything not just your wife, and be perfectly fine for porn. Can anyone help me understand this?

Hi there. Apologies for the length of this post. My boyfriend and I (early 30s) have been together 2 years and live together. We have discussed a serious future together including marriage and kids. Initially we had a very good sex life (at least twice a week) but I’d say over the past year or so, things have been dwindling. I think I have a higher sex drive than him, and often if I try to initiate sex - I often get turned down and he will say he is too tired. He often has long shifts and early starts but sometimes this is even the case on his days off. I’d say sometimes we have sex once every 2-weeks. I’m finding this difficult as I would like to have more sexual intimacy. I’ve tried talking about this with him many times but he often gets very defensive and doesn’t want to talk about it. I feel he is embarrassed by it almost that I seem to want sex more than him. The relationship is otherwise great, he is affectionate and intimate in other ways but I feel when it comes to sex - he just doesn’t seem interested in me sexually. I don’t know what to do. It makes me feel really insecure and anxious when we go so long without having sex as it is important for me. And sometimes I feel depressed when he isn’t interested and I don’t feel desired. So I realise this is a pretty bad thing to do..but I did it out of desperation more than anything else. I realise this is an invasion of his privacy and I feel terrible but I checked his phone history and found he has been using porn very regularly - and unexpected categories like GILFS/ grannies/ MILF/ older women/ really large women. He is 30. Im the same age and large breasted but not fat. He has also watched gay porn including searches for things like “twinks” (had to look up what this meant) and also males orgasming. It makes me so distressed knowing he watches this yet is not sexual with me. I realise straight men sometimes watch gay porn but I was besides myself. I think he obviously watches this when I am out but it hurts me that he seems to be able to browse lots of porn but not be sexual with me. I understand that most men watch porn even in relationships, but surely if we are having less sex than I would like this is a problem? He clearly seems happy with sex with me once every couple of weeks because he is satisfying himself several times in between. I feel very hurt. I can’t bring this up as I obviously invaded his privacy and have probably made things worse! I thought about casually asking him directly if he watches porn but think he will likely hide it. Would be grateful for any advice. Thank you!

Hi peps. Am really struggling and don't know where to turn or talk to. I have been with my partner four years now and, for the last three, we have not had sex in any form or fashion. I have tried everything from moaning to leaving him to sort his head out after chatting about it. But nothing then omg i found porn videos on his phone confronted him totally denied it said he never typed it in or watched them. So with me not having any more sound proof had to leave it. Couple months later i thought 1 night after he been drinking i check age. And am not shitting u. He had typed to try get away with it. Hairy mot and blo job. I copied and pasted the link. And there i had it porn videos from all sorts sites pornhub everything. Pulled him up yet again still denied the lot.. Wat the hell do i do lol

When it comes to sex, I am a female with the sex drive of a man. I would willingly have sex every day. Yet my husband gives me a hard time and gets mad because of my sex drive. Tells me that is all I think about blah blah blah and shows no interest in me. Yet, everytime he goes to the bathroom or is left alone he watches porn. So how does he think that makes me feel?  He doesn't want sex with his wife but wants to watch others having sex. It is not the typical situation where the wife doesn't want sex or requires all this extra activities to be interested. I am ready to go at all times. Other guys find me physically attractive and proposition me so it's not that... This is really starting to cause problems. Any advice?

My boyfriend and I have been together for 1.5 years. Everything in our relationship is perfect except the lack of sex, which is now really affecting my mood and my self-esteem. We moved in together about four months ago and since then we have sex less and less regularly. We went from twice a week before living together to once a week and now its once every 10 days or two weeks. I know it could be worse but we're still new in the relationship and we're still young (27 and 35). I know he had a very active sex life before our relationship and that just makes me feel worse because it's not like he doesn't like sex. He's waiting on a surgery for an issue which can sometimes hurt him when he gets a hard on. I have always been very understanding of this and have not pushed for sex because I never knew when he would be sore. He has often gone soft during sex or not been able to get hard at all and said it was due to this issue. But now I've found out he is watching porn nearly everyday. So how does getting a hard on for a perfect girl with perfect tits and an ass on your screen not hurt you but trying to have sex with your girlfriend does? When we do have sex there is not little or nor foreplay no real affection no change of positions and he never last longer than minutes so I end up finishing myself off after. It's really hurt my feelings and is making me wonder what is wrong with me! Why would you choose porn over your girlfriend who has made it very clear she is up and willing for it whenever? I need some advice if anybody has any because I don't know what to do.

I'm 45 and my man is 36. We both look very young for our ages. And we both love sex and you would think that we would have a wonderful sex life but its grown so stale and frigid. I get no sexual attention at all. He is constantly on one of his 5 phones and never even sets them down when I'm trying to give him the hints that I want sex. It's gotten so embarrassing. And when I try to talk to him about it, he gets really mad. I feel like he doesnt want me anymore. He used to be so much more open with me. He was more affectionate. He used to make me feel like I was the only woman that mattered. Now it's like we hardly know each other. He watches porn and loves porn and I like it too. But when it comes to watching it with me I feel like he doesnt want me in that way. We have been together for almost 5 years and i just wanna know how i can tell if he even wants me anymore. All the signs point to NO but he says that's the absolute opposite. He says he loves me and I'm all he wants. But he never tries to have sex with at all. Once every 6 months. I put on sexy outfits and dress up in that cosplay stuff and send him pictures of myself. But it gets me nowhere. I have even taken off nights at work to try to get lucky. But still nothing. And he gets so mad when i bring it up. He either feels sick or falls asleep when I be really pushy about giving it up. Why wont he just leave me if he wants something else.

I've decided to finally begin writing about this here, as I saw a few posts here about women being in the same situation as me and I know writing is a healthy outlet. My partner and I have been together for over 3 years, when we first met he was in his active addiction and I was also a heavy drinker. Due to this, we had a lot of crazy kinky sex. Do I need it like that? No. But do I compare how he wanted me than to how he wants me now? Yes. I am happier we are both healthier now, but our sex life/intimate life is not satisfying me. Nearly any relationship I had been in, we were having sex way more frequently. I like to do it at least a couple of times a week, if not every day is possible. Why not? I’m still 28, and I’m healthy with a sexual appetite.. I enjoy sex, and I have always been confident sexually so “feeling sexy” was never something I struggled with. We have sex about once a week now, and it's usually always on a Saturday, in the shower, and initiated by me or forced by him because he can see how frustrated I am becoming. I think part of the reason I also want sex so badly, is because he is not an overly affectionate guy (for many reasons), so when we have sex its a good time for me to “feel” the love and feel closer than ever. I understand that he has his own way of showing he loves me and I also understand there are different love languages and not all people are as touchy or romantic. The thing is, as a First Nations man, he has also been exposed to a lot of intergenerational and immediate trauma in his life and he also struggles with mental health challenges, and severe stomach issues and is constantly in discomfort. I believe him and know he has suffered for years, and I would do anything to take all of his pain away. At the same time, I am a human with needs and when they are unmet I am left feeling gross, unwanted, and even selfish for feeling this despite knowing his struggles. The thing is, the reason we usually do it in the shower (in the same position all of the time) is because that is the only place his stomach does not bother him as much. We have spent years trying to resolve his digestive issues and it's been honestly disappointing and a never ending battle. But the thing is, it was also bad when we were no longer drinking further in our relationship and still having sex regularly. I understand he suffers, but I think sometimes the desire to have sex just doesn’t overpower what ever he is feeling. I wish sometimes it did. As women we grow up conditioned into thinking that men always want sex and are always hungry and looking for it. Even from my experience, whatever partner I have ever had has always been all over me. At one point in our relationship, he was addicted to pornography. He was also lying to me about masturbating. It took us a while to get over that and resolve it (if its been resolved). This fucked me up really bad, and still does today to be honest. He never wanted to have sex with me because he said he was tired or he would never finish and I found out he was watching porn and jerking off nearly every day. Its common for people with childhood trauma, or addictions in general to become addicted to internet porn.. But the feeling of someone rather having something that is non-physical and external to you- is unfathomable. We got through it, I’ve been under the impression for about a year that he doesn’t watch porn anymore. I honestly believe he doesn’t, and he wouldn’t really even have time to now anyways. But, is it wrong for me to still wonder in the back of my mind? I guess I have some questions to myself. Is my partner still addicted to porn? Is it wrong for me to be upset and sexually frustrated for not having sex more often while knowing he struggles with multiple things that cause him to feel this way? Is it just normal for some couples to not have sex more than once a week? Should I be “normalizing” it if I still feel crappy and like I want it more often?

We have not had sex since august 20 2020 .he has lots of excuses like he has ed cant get hard . Corna virus . He had family member die . Our cat died . Ect I dont no because he does not try to have sex with me. And he does not sleep with me anymore . He sleeps on the couch. I have asked I have begged . He liked oral but since August nothing i ask him he says no .when I bring it up . He says he had enough .and he is leaving me and bring up anything he brought for us . I have brought him lots of items i never being that up. He also says i am crazy . .if I am cleaning he says I am on crack . The other day I took off my bra . He told me put clothes on and quit acting like a coke horror .I have never been told to cover my boobs up .guys usually beg for me to show them he is on porn alot he does virtual reality porn .

Me and my boyfriend have been together for just over a year, we have been living together for a few months now and we wasn't always the most sexual couple but he always made me feel important to him and enjoyed by him. Over the last few months he's taken to watching more porn, sometimes it's 4 days in a row and we are lucky if we have sex twice in the same fortnight at the moment which for a couple in their early 20s is very untypical. He wakes up before me to sneak one in, gets up after I'm asleep to do the same, even one time when I had my sister round he was in the bathroom for at least half an hour I check his phone later and oh he was watching porn while she was here...and we have spoken about it and he says he still finds me attractive and blames me for not starting things all the time but I just don't see how it's my fault... I'm starting to wonder if I should leave him and I think he's starting to notice somethings bothering me, I just don't know what to do.

When we first got together my bf could not keep his hands off me. We had sex five times a week. Fast forward a year later it went down to once a week. Yes porn was the issue. Fast forward another year it went to once every two weeks. Porn even more. Now to today yet another year gone by. We have sex once a month. I tried all the time to be the one to start sex between us. Every time I get pushed away and given some bullshit excuse why he won't have sex with me. Then he goes and watches his porn and gets himself off. We have talked we have argued and I have poured my heart out to him. Nothing has gotten better. It has gotten worse. He lies about it, he sneaks it and even watches it while at work. He says he does not have an addiction, but if you can't go without looking at it or listening to it in some form everyday for hours... sorry baby your addicted. When we do have sex once a month he never finishes with me. He always jerks himself off. Porn has made him unable to enjoy real sex with a real person at least not with me anymore. The only thing that would help us is for him to admit his addiction and put porn blockers on the computer and cell phone. I would help him but he keeps saying 'I don't t have a problem'. When you choose porn over the person you say you love over and over and over how can you not see its a problem? I love this man more than I have ever loved anyone. Our relationship would be perfect if he would stop the porn. I can't force him and I can't get him to see how it's ripping us apart. I feel alone, I feel unwanted. There are days where I can tell he wishes I would just hurry up and leave so he can do his thing. There are times I'm right there naked next to him all day and he won't touch me but as soon as I'm asleep or as soon as I leave he jerks off. I'm tired of being in a relationship where I am only getting half of the person I love. How do I make him see his porn and masturbation is killing us? He actions and how it effects me effects us well it seems he does not care at all. He only cares about the fact that he is feeling good in his sexual moments alone. So I ask myself all the time why am I even here if he doesn't want me? Am I fooling myself that it will ever get better?

My man watches lots of porn. That's no big deal to me at all. What's bothering me is that he seems to be into the porn more than he is into me. I'm the one that makes the first move most of the time. I feel like ask he want me to do is give him head and I'm starting to not want to to give him head. I'm want to get off also.

I have been in a relationship for just over a year. In the beginning it was good – the first few months. Now in the past nine months we have had sex four times. I try to think of ways to make him see me. He says it’s not me. Yes he watches porn every now and then. I’m right here. I don't understand. It hurts my heart so much. I have nothing against porn, but I don't understand why he watches it when I’m right here. I’ve tried lingerie, talking to him, and nothing. He says I’m pressuring him. I don’t even talk about it a lot. I love him, but I feel like we’re missing that piece .

The core problem is that we don't have sex very often and it makes me feel bad. The frequency of intimate activity dropped dramatically; he would want to do something three or four times a week. Now, we'll have sex maybe once or twice or maybe three times a month. It makes me feel unwanted, fat, and ugly. My self-esteem is in the tank. Also, because I've talked to him about this so many times, now I feel kind of dirty or wrong for wanting to have sex. And, I feel helpless because, in my eyes, I can't do anything about it. He has always been the one to initiate sex. I became too discouraged to try anymore a long time ago because he either doesn't notice when I'm trying to initiate or (when he does notice) he doesn't want to have sex. I've tried every trick in the book to turn him on, but it doesn't matter. The one time I managed to initiate he couldn't perform. So, we only have sex when he wants to, and as a result, I feel like I can't even turn him on, which makes me feel worse. He doesn't feel bad about the lack of sex. I'm not sure if he doesn't notice it, or if he doesn't need it. Whenever I've talked to him about it, he's never given me a reason for not wanting to have sex. I just wish he would show me that he loves me and finds me sexually desirable (since he doesn't tell me that I'm pretty), but it doesn't matter. To me, it's not a physical need but an emotional one. To make things worse, the reason why I'm so hard to turn on is because I don't ever expect him to follow through. He likes to "tease" me, doing the same types of things he does when he wants to have sex but not follow through. He says he needs to touch me to get turned on, but that everything shouldn't have to lead to sex, so I shouldn't worry about it. But, I can't help but feel like he doesn't want me anymore. He always wants to watch porn and he wants me to Jack him off but he doesn't even bother to touch me. He always has an excuse like his arm hurts or he's not in the mood or he is too sleepy but if I don't get him off his arm no longer hurts or he is not too sleepy anymore, so he will get himself off and when he touches me and doesn't get turned on unless he is watching porn. I feel like he's becoming a selfish lover, only concerned about his needs, which was never true before. I'm desperate. I can't go through the pain and humiliation of talking to him again. I've been trying recently, and I can't get him to have sex with me. I believe a sexual relationship goes both ways as well. The only times I have ever denied him is... NEVER. I'm giving up. I'm crying out for help. Sometimes, I just wish my life was at the end already. Any advice would help so much. Thanks.

I've been with my boyfriend just a couple of months..he constantly watches porn..and not good points either..that bad 80s porn..but now he never tries to have sex .he watches poen...and then runs off to work ..but nothing with me

It’s been about a year that I’ve lost my libido and haven’t gotten it back. It really sucks and more so on the days I really want to have sex with my partner and he’s too tired. I don’t want to keep pestering him about it when he once told me that all I care about is having sex. It’s almost disappointing now and expected that I will not be having sec anytime soon. Yet I’ve caught him watching porn on the days I am at work and see he’s left tab