Sorry, it’s long! I am 37, separated with no kids and my boyfriend is 31, separated, with two kids from his ex-wife and his first born from a relation he had prior to meeting his ex-wife. We started dating nine months ago… First two weeks were like a fairy tale then he had to leave for work (he works offshore on four weeks rotation). We kept in contact when he was away, and video called each other every day. He came back and we went for a short holiday together, it was when he said I love you first (after just seven weeks). We seemed to be so intertwined with each other. We gave a lot of attention to each other, missed each other etc… It was such a lovely period where we were both falling in love with each other like crazy. He seemed very happy and according to him, the happiest he’s been as he finally found an understanding, beautiful woman who he can be open with. Before we met, after he separated from his wife (he separated seven months before he actually met me, and it was from her side, she stopped loving him, and he was totally devastated) he started going out with his sister (40) and her best friend (48) who is also a family friend. This woman and my bf had built a certain bond between them and they became ‘special friends’. I knew about her and the first time I actually met her during a family wedding, two months into dating, I immediately felt/realised she liked him from the way she greeted me, which was a ‘hi’ and she turned away. When I asked him about it he said that she does have a soft spot for him, but they are just friends. I accepted it and It stopped there. I never told him not to message her or anything… she was just a female friend and he seemed to be head over heals in love with me. Roll on five months from the beginning of our relationship and he went for a guys’ night out with his boy-friends. At a point, in the beginning of the night, he sent me a selfie of him with his two boy-friends, on a table at this particular lounge/restaurant drinking Rose wine. The following day I asked him how the night has been and he briefly explained the night; at a point just mentioned they bumped into his sister and her friend. Five days later I see a picture on FB of his sister with her friend, dining at the same place as him, having rose wine as well, possibly on the same table. I asked him about it and there is where all the lies came coming out. At first he told me they bumped into them and decided to dine with them and later he said that he found out last minute his sister was going out to the same place so decided to join them. (1. please note that this is a busy restaurant and it’s not easy to go and get a table for 5 without reservation, 2. If he had planned to have a guys’ night out, I don’t think it’s on for him to do last minute changes and meet his girl-friends together with his mates) Then, even the details of the night were getting different from what he had briefly explained. I couldn’t believe him and was thinking that he deliberately hid from me since there was this ‘special’ friend of his. He kept on insisting that they are just friends and nothing ever happened between them. Two weeks later he ‘confessed’ after I told him to tell me the truth, that they had agreed upon this night only a day before and he did not tell me because 1. I had other plans anyway, 2. They were planning to go clubbing (just the boys) after they’re done from this lounge. I decided to believe him but my instinct knew there was something I don’t know. When I asked why he didn’t tell me immediately that they met them and dined on the same table and he even sent a picture misleading me, he told me that his ex-wife was very jealous and not understanding and he would hide to her in order not to create any arguments. So, his first reaction was that of hiding, even though there was nothing. After that night, I met this woman twice. First time during a family picnic where she tried to make a fool out of me, being rude to me and ignoring me etc etc.. I spoke to him about it and he got the excuse that she’s like that with everyone especially until she gets to know a person. Then I met her again on his mum’s birthday dinner, we were only five of us on a table and again she totally shut me out. Especially since these incidents happened, I wasn’t happy, I was getting more and more anxious, feeling that there is/was something I really need to know. I asked him to tell me what there is/was between them several times and he always insisted there’s nothing but they’re just good friends. At one point he told me she finds him very hot, another time he told me that they had mutually agreed that they cannot possibly be with each other, at other times he tells me that he isn’t even attracted to her. I couldn’t believe him, I was hearing too many contradictions and lies. For the past 3 months, whenever her name comes up, I used to ask him about her, hear ‘lies’ and get anxious. He couldn’t keep up with my anxiety because it was because of him. He was telling me that there is nothing else that I don’t know and to please stop talking about her as there really is nothing, that this is getting out of hand and that he had nothing else to say or do about her to reassure me. I tried to shut up as much as I could, even though my anxiety was killing me. I wasn’t trusting him. I didn’t want to push him away, nagging about the same thing, but then I couldn’t hold it any longer. Last week I was really anxious and after a conversation about her, I asked him to show me her chats! At first he did not want to, he told me that if he does so, he’s going to resent me, then he told me that by doing so he would go down the same road he was with his wife, and finally he told me ‘ok, I’ll show them to you, but not now, when you are calm because now you will interpret everything wrong.’ He then tried using his mobile, telling me that he’s just scrolling and didn’t want me near him. I knew he was trying to delete messages… At a point I snatched it from his hand and I found out very playful conversations, not every day, but with sexual innuendos. He sent him her selfies and he sent her his pictures including shirtless pics with his abs showing. He told her stuff like, ‘sexy and a naughty devil’s icon’ after one of the selfies. Or once she said something after he sent her a shirtless pics and then he went ‘and I haven’t even touched you’. Or she sends him ‘missing you’ or ‘thinking of you’ or she sends him loads of hearts and kisses and stuff. These mainly happened during the first 3 months of us together. One day, two months into our dating, she texted him in the morning ‘thanks for the surprise’ to which he answered ‘that was my plan, dear. I just landed in…. ’ He was on his way to work and I had just dropped him off at the airport and he had just left me a loving card on my bedside table before he left – when I asked him about it, he couldn’t even remember what the surprise was. It was also very clear there were some messages deleted but he kept on denying this. They also had a video chat on one particular night, when he was off-shore and he was feeling down. I also found out on the messages that they had agreed on that night out, a good 3 weeks in advance! I was mad and furious… I grabbed my bags and left! To be fair, these messages had stopped 3-4 months ago, when this thing of his night out happened and I was suspecting there’s something. Since then, there were only a couple of normal messages (one liners with no hearts and kisses). He is now trying to explain that there was absolutely nothing between them and that is just the way they talk and joke with each other. He told me that he had stopped everything the minute he thought he was going to lose me and he never told me the whole truth because he didn’t want to hurt me or lose me. He was afraid to tell me to go out with them because he knew how she is and wanted us (me and her) to get to know each other before we all go out together. He’s begging me to stay, telling me that he never cheated on me and that he loves me. That he never meant to hurt me and that he’s utterly sorry for what happened and for how he made me feel. He is not eating and sleeping. I told him I need to move on but deep down I don’t know what I should do. What is worrying me the most, is not the kind of relationship they had, even though those were not appropriate messages at all, but the fact that no matter how many times I asked him, no matter how bad with anxiety he used to see me, he never came clean about her. He lied and lied and was never vulnerable enough to come clean. If he did, I would have probably been mad for a short while, tried to understand and appreciate the fact that he’s owning up to his mistakes and perhaps I could see a real man in front of me. But now all I’m seeing is someone who was hiding from me and lying to me! These last three months, he stayed home because the company stopped all contracts and will resume work again in a month. He spent ALL evenings with me, including weekends – it was his decision not to go out with friends at night. We used to sleep together every night, either at his house or at my house. Sometimes he also drove me to work. We were inseparable. We loved being with each other. We did everything together. When he had his kids, once a week, we used to take all 3 of them out to nice places and spaces suitable for them, I loved them and they loved me. He loved that fact and told me plenty of times that I’m much of a better parent then their own mothers. He mentioned several times that he had never received such love and care from his gf and her family. Even though I was trying to build my trust back in him after that incident, I loved him with all my heart and so did my family. Our sex was great and he seemed very happy with me. He used the flaunt me with everyone and tell them I’m the apple of his eye. He told me that I’m now his life and that he won’t live without me. I am now so confused! What shall I do? Shall I forget and go back with him or shall I just move on? He promised me he wouldn’t talk to her anymore, even if it means he opt out of family do’s, because of her. But I’m scared. I’m scared he’d lie to me again if something else is to happen – not just with this woman. Also, I’m thinking that if there really was nothing, what he was doing was to get attention from another woman, which I don’t like, especially considering it was done during the first months, when we were falling in love with each other and when he was telling me the most beautiful of words. I think this is a huge sign of immaturity or that he’s a perv. I’m so confused… I don't think I should consider going back with him. Will I be able to ever trust him again??

Wow I can’t believe I’m writing this but I’ve got to get it off of my chest. I don’t want to hear any of the cliche responses, I’m already aware. Let’s start from the beginning, I met a man at a funeral on New Years Eve last year. I was with my husband and two children and he was with his girlfriend and child as well. We instantly connected somehow, even my son came over to him and just wanted him to hold him. So let’s fast forward to the actual burial, we briefly held hands and there was a spark, and not just a normal spark, it was the kind of spark that sent chills throughout my body. He also gave me his jacket and when I accidentally brushed against him there was just something. So two days later we connected on Facebook and started talking every single day for 2 weeks and we finally met this past Sunday, alone. I can’t help but wonder how I’m the world we can have such a strong connection that’s not just physical but also this really intense emotional connection as well. Both of us are confused because neither of us is really happy in our relationships and we have both tried to work things out with our significant other to no avail. I’m not really sure what to do, I can’t stop thinking about him and honestly just want him in my life. We recently discussed slowing whatever it is down until we figure out what is going on in our relationships because we both understand the repercussions of it. I’ve never been one to cheat and I understand this is an emotional affair at this point but I also believe everything happens for a reason. I’m so hurt and so confused. Please spare me from your negative comments.

I started dating this guy, we'll call him "Joe" about two years ago. For the first few months of dating, everything was great as it usually is in the beginning. I did notice that he had a lot of female friends on Facebook. I don't have a Facebook account, but he used to scroll through it on his phone with me next to him. One day, about a month or two into our relationship, he was at my house and received a call and spoke with a female friend of his who was in a female prison or halfway house. I tried not to listen in, but at the end of the call he said (right in front of me, not hiding anything) "I love you! Bye!" He then told me a sad story about this woman who had been his friend for decades, who had been incarcerated for holding drugs. He said that she didn't do anything wrong, and he "had no reason not to believe her." I think that is naive of him, but whatever. He told me they had never been romantically involved. He told me he was sending her some money, and that she was looking for an iPod or something for music. I had an old iPod, but it wasn't new enough for her, in his opinion. Over the next few months, he kept talking about her, explaining how they met, how his friend had dated her. He told me about her ex-husband and children. He told me how she'd looked the last time her saw her (how she looked like she was on drugs, etc.). When we were together for about five months, she was released. She messaged him through Facebook while we were at my house, and they had a little back and forth, exchanging numbers. He did say that he was "at his girlfriends house," and showed me her picture, saying she used to be prettier. Since then, he's completely stopped talking about her. I started noticing when we were scrolling through his Facebook that her name kept popping up in posts and messages, and he would quickly swipe them away. Fast forward to now - I bought a house, and he's moved in. He stopped looking at Facebook in front of me completely, and I asked a few times, but he always changed the subject. To note, he is chipping in 1/2 of everything financially, but not chore-wise. A few months ago, we were looking at YouTube videos on his phone, and an alert popped up about a Facebook message from her. He made an offhand comment to the affect that "she sends me crude photos and videos." Now here is where I did the wrong thing. I checked his Facebook from his computer, where he was always logged in. I saw such disgusting videos of naked women, references to dildos, oral sex, etc. coming in direct messages from her. I confronted Joe, under the guise of him telling me that she was sending him crude photos and videos, and asked him to tell her to stop since I didn't like it. He flipped out, changed the subject, and then said he'd delete his Facebook account. I told him I didn't want him to delete his account, just tell her to stop the filthy messages. He said he wouldn't do that, he'd just delete his account. He's since re-activated his account. BUT he hides it 100% from me, doesn't get any alerts at all on his phone anymore. I horribly looked at his computer, and he's not logged in anymore, but when he looks at his email in bed I see his notifications from Facebook, which he quickly swipes away. I've asked him several times about her, why I haven't met her if she's such a good friend, and he says that its because she lives 2 hours away. We've visited people 3 hours away, 17 hours away, etc. I'm ready to end this over someone I've never even met. Not because I think he's cheating physically, but because he won't be honest with me. Am I being unreasonable?

Two years ago, I became great friends with someone I met through work. A year into our friendship, it became more and we started an affair. We are the same age, both married, and have been for over 25 years each. We both have children. For my part the intimacy in my marriage disappeared about nine years ago and although on the whole we get along I have missed the sex and have often felt sad and lonely. For years I tried to repair and discuss our issues but now I have lost the desire for my husband which I suppose lead to the affair. I can honestly say that I wasn't looking for anything outside of my marriage. I just shut down the feelings I had. When the affair began I confess to having very little guilt about sharing my body with someone new. Sex happened only a handful of times in the first six months and not at all from then on but I quickly fell in love. I never made any demands on him to leave his wife and family. I honestly would have continued happily as we were. However, for my lover, the guilt was to much and after 12 months I ended it as I couldn't bear to see his emotional struggle any longer. I'm struggling to cope with the loss of the relationship which is not helped by him wanting to stay friends. I now feel such a myriad of emotions – grief, loss, anger, jealousy and finally guilt. It took its time but there it is. However much I try to move on and forget him, I cannot seem to. The loss of my friend is such a physical pain that I sometimes feel I might curl up and die from it. I keep trying to look at the situation from outside with as rational a view as I can and whilst I know my faults and his it doesn't seem to take away the grief I feel. I haven't shared any of this with another living soul except for him which is why I'm on here I guess. I don't know what I'm looking for, possibly absolution or advice on how to move forward? Please be kind, I don't know if I could cope with outside hate, it's pretty tough from the inside already.

Recently I found out my wife has been in quite inappropriate conversation with another man, i seen their chat pop up while using her laptop and the content of one message was out of order so i clicked to read further into this. It had been going on 3 months or so and very sexual chats and even some non revealing but teasing photos had been sent. He was leading most of it but recently she seemed to be enjoying it more and playing along (she sent the photos) he kept asking for more revealing photos and she was teasing along. It took me a while but i eventually confronted her about my disgust and i tried to be reasonable and understanding and asked was something missing from our relationship. I had on many occasions felt we were missing something and a few times asked her and she kept saying all was fine. After talking to her about this she admitted she is a bit bored and the younger man made her feel good and it was flattering, she agreed it was inappropriate and promised me it would stop. A few weeks passed and all seemed great but i walked in one day of her taking a close up of her cleavage lying in bed. She quickly passed it off and denied it. She has moved all messaging to snapchat so no history is available and she guards her phone closely which was never really a thing before. I feel its still happening but don't know how to confront her again in case i come across as possessive and controlling as I'm sure she will accuse me of this. We have always been a very open and trusting couple and this leaves me heartbroken and i feel I've lost trust in her since this but I don't want to be watching over my shoulder the whole time. I feel betrayed even though by the messages nothing has happened physically ( well at least not up to a few weeks ago) but i really tried to be understating to make things work and feel she played along and made me feel she would stop to save any further conversation as she has never been into having relationship chats. Is the snapchatting her workaround so I don't find out or am i being paranoid. Her job leaves her open to late nights away and he lives near her job and although I don't thinks anything has happened I'm fearful it can easily under the circumstances as its normal for her job to have her in late and different times each night. I think if it is still going on i will lose all trust and not want to be with her but we have kids and i adore them and i would lost without them. Any advice welcome and thanks in advance.

So recently my bf and i have had some problems. One night we where with our friends and he got drunk and said he thought about having sex with his “girl best friend”. This hurt me so much, I left and went to sleep, the next morning I had brought it up and he said it was a joke and it didn’t mean anything. But that night before I went to sleep, I snooped through his phone. I’m not one to typically do this vecuase it’s a huge invasion of privacy. However I’ve had some gut feeling telling me something wasn’t right. I looked through his texts with her and found some things that broke me. She had messaged him explaining how she wanted to be with him, and he told her I was his girl on the side.

An accident close to my house took out a light pole. After the power was off for an hour or so, I tried playing a couple games on my phone only to find I couldn’t play them without internet. My wife plays a lot of games on her iPad and cell phone. I sent her a text asking if she had a game on her old phone (Santa brought her a new one). I didn’t get a reply for some time. I powered up the phone. When phone came on, a lot of notifications came across the screen. I happen to see a male name and a partial message that the few words that showed seemed odd. I clicked on the conversation only to find 3 months’ worth of back and forth messages and nude penis pics and her replies of ‘looking good’ and other short texts that seemed very inappropriate on both sides. I immediately destroyed the phone because I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to control myself from going through the entire phone. I am so hurt and angry. I sent her a text telling her what I saw and she explained it as just friends and what she is not supposed to have friends?! I have a firm belief of what is right and wrong. Can someone please advise me on this? I can’t stop thinking about it and wondering about other texts she deleted to and from him. What did they contain? Is there more? I just don’t know if this is cheating. I don’t know if I am just a prude or what. I only know I would never have done anything like that. Sorry for the long-winded story and the bad grammar. My head is just cloudy. Thanks to everyone.

I’ve been in a relationship for around eight years. I love my partner but for the last six months or so I haven’t felt like I’m in love with her – we just feel like housemates. Our sex life has dropped right off, we just aren’t as intimate in general any more, and when we are it’s planned. There’s no spontaneity. That thing has just gone. We don’t really fight but when we do I always find it’s me trying to end the fights. I love her but definitely feel like I’m not in love with her anymore. There’s a girl I work with that I really hit it off with as soon as we met. Nothing was said for ages but you could cut the tension with a knife. Since then we have started talking a lot and really developed feelings for each and spoken about it. It’s made me really think that my current relationship is definitely over but I’m so confused. I’ve told my partner that I think I want to leave and that I’m not in love with her. Then got sad sitting around at home alone and we decided to work on things. The girl at work and I decided to cut things off until I work my things out and now I feel like I’m going through two breakups at once. I’m so confused, upset and anxious about everything and don’t know what to do. I feel like my relationship is definitely done but I’m so scared to end it. What if I’m making the wrong decision and blinded by love for someone else? Any advice please.

I met this girl through a friend of mine and she was amazing. Of course she was hot so I instantly fell in love. We started talking and we eventually traded phone numbers and we have been FaceTiming every day all day for a week. She says she loves me and she smiles every time she sees me and I do the same. We hit it off pretty well but the only problem is that she has a boyfriend that she has been with for three years. She has cheated on him with me and she has told me that she has cheated on him in the past once as well. I simply don’t know what to do because I’m getting hurt every time they spend time with each other and also I’m getting hurt knowing that she has feelings for me and she loves me and I can tell but yet she’s not mine. Does anyone have any suggestions or thoughts of what I should do?

I have been with my girlfriend for five years now and she recently met some new people. I have become closer with one of the girls and have started messaging her. I feel like I have an instant connection with this girl and I feel like she understands me so much better than my girlfriend does. What makes it awkward is that they are sort of friends and I don’t know if they feel the same way or if I should even say anything because it may ruin my relationship with my girlfriend. I’m too confused.

I'm in love with my brother-in-law. I hate it. I feel so disgusted in myself. I'm a God fearing woman. I feel purely evil. The Bible teaches me to love my husband, be submissive. But I can't help it. For years my husband has been treating me bad. He often tells me how stupid I am, I'm a curse, I am a b***h. Doesn't see any good I do. My husband is a good man, but more to others. And his brother is younger than him by 5 years, but still 9 years older than me. I felt I had feelings for him from the first time we met. I like the way he is protective towards me, I feel so alive and giddy when I know he is around. The way he looks at me I feel like I am home. We haven't done anything but we also don't touch when my husband is around. My brother-in-law was down for the Xmas holidays from London and he gave me a hug. Whenever I think of it, it makes me cry. He gave me a kiss on my cheek on my wedding day and it felt we were alone in this world. I always wanted a man like my father and he is as quiet as my father, and also as firm and strong as him. He will stand up for me even against my husband. I love my husband, please don't get me wrong. I would give my life for him. But I am so close to just giving it up, but I'm afraid. I have a son and in God's eyes it is a sin. This reminds me of Able when God said I can see sin in front of your door. But I love him. I love him so much it actually hurts. My Lord what do I do. Do I leave for the man that I have always wanted or do I stay with what You have given me. Or do I loose it all. I love him so much and I miss him.

My wife is texting a co-worker who just got divorced after 24 years of marriage. They have been texting behind my back, talking long hours on the phone. He gave her a new phone after her phone broke. I kept my mouth shut after I found out that they are getting to close to each other, but one day after I refused having sex with her, told her I feel insecure, and she better explain to me what is going on. She said she will stop talking to him and texting him, but that was not my point. My point was whether I should trust her or not anymore. I know it sounds stupid but I'm the kind of person who never trusts after they have been fooled once! I asked her, "What have you been guys been talking about?" and her answer was "We talk about stupid stuff." I said, "If me and you talk about stupid stuff for more than 20 minutes, you will be bored and want to do something fun instead." I decided to leave her which I did for a couple months now, and never come back until she or he shows me what was the content of the text messages. Otherwise, there is no way I go back with her. Trust is not a game. She arranged a phone conference with me and the guy. He said that he does not keep his text messages and only the president of the United states can restore them and there was nothing going on between him and my wife anyway!!! Now we are on a divorce process and she seems not worried at all. She just put the blame on me.

Please answer my question. I know it's long but I am really in a very bad situation. I am a girl. I love a guy and he also loves me but he is in a relationship since 2 years with another girl. We all three know each other. Actually me and the guy came into contact because of our work and then we became very good friends and also started our business together. He was in a relationship and I was also in a relationship. Then i went through a breakup. At 1st we were very good friend and her girlfriend is also like a friend only but not as close as the guys was to me. Me and the guy are very much compatible with each other in every aspect even our career goals are also similar, our caste is also same (in our areas caste matters a lot) and I believe compatibility is a big factor for having feelings for each other and also proximity because of our work. It happens 5 months after my breakup (which was amicable), I got the hint that the guy is having feelings for me which he told me indirectly but i told him that i will never see you from that perspective as i was decided that i am never going to like a guy who is committed and also for other reasons. But later I fell for him and talked to him directly, we both confessed our feeling for each other. We both love each other so much. But later I realised that I confessed assuming that since he can like me even being in relationship it means he don't have feelings for her now so if he will know that I also like him he will breakup with that girl. And he never thought this kind of situation would arise because he thought I could never like him as I made it clear to him earlier. Now we are stuck in a situation where our work is involved. We both are co-founders of a 3 co-founding member organization and that girl is also doing volunteering with our organization. I also had good relations with her. They both are from different caste but the guy committed her to marry her way before he knew me and now his girlfriend do not want to breakup with him even though she knows about us, she is saying she will do something if he won't marry her and she has also conveyed the same thing to her family as her family used to be against their relationship because of their caste but now because of the girl's behaviour they are convinced and it is creating a pressure for this guy, he is stuck. Another problem is that a similar kind of situation happened with the girl's elder sister, she got married with a guy who was already married but they came to know about it just after marriage, so they divorced and she is married to someone else now but because of this case her family is scared that it might repeat with this girl also. I am also stuck because we know that we are perfect for each other but he is scared that if breakup with her she commit something bad it will ruin everyone's life including our family. And if he do not choose me then it will be very painful for us because we are in love at the same time it will affect our work/career because I feel like if he won't choose me I won't be able to be in contact with him which will cost our organization. He has requested me that if I don't choose you because of the situation, at least let's maintain our friendship as you are like my strength and I can't behave like that I don't know you and also because of our work but i think even if i try i won't be able to fulfill his this request if he won't choose me. Additionally, I am also getting pressure from my family because of my age but I am feeling stuck. I also feel guilty for that girl because i knew they were in relationship but I still have strong feelings for me and he also. Me and that guy is so stuck that it feels like our life will be ruined as everything is at stake from career to family.

I knew this guy from my friends. He's a friend to my friends. I've never met him in person yet, we just talk online. Since I live really far from my friends (different states but still in the same country), I can't always meet them. About this guy, he's really a shy person when I first know him. But now we become close, since we always hangout in discord, play games, watch movies and stuffs. He always text me first, ask about my days, reminds me to eat, jokes and sometimes silly flirty text, emojis, gifs. He compliments me, saying I'm pretty and cute. He's been really helpful with some stuffs and he also told me to tell him if I got any problems. He opens up about his past relationship and a about his life to me. He also follows my social medias account. I can sense a little bit of jealousy from him every time I mention other guys. He also mention that I should move in to their state, so we could hang out everyday. My friend that is really close to him tease us of being together. Not gonna lie but I kind of have this tiny bit feelings for him but I try not to show it a lot. Then someday, I REALISE HE IS IN A RELATIONSHIP! How do I know that? Well, when he share his screen, there's a text notification from his girlfriend. My anxiety kicks in. All this time, I've been playfully flirting, texting with somebody else's boyfriend. No wonder there's days he's feeling down and when I ask him what happen, 'he won't answer', because it's related to his girlfriend. I don't want to ruin someone else's relationship. I just gonna move on with this feelings even though it hurts so much.

So I found out recently that my fiancé has been having an emotional affair. Why do I classify it as that? 1. He told her all info about our relationship, good, bad, past, present 2. He lied who he was hanging out with 3. He was messaging her while at work and sending pictures (I never got) 4. Told her she was his go to 5. Said he trusted her with his whole being and sent a picture of himself laying in bed no shirt on (I never got that) 6. He told her she was sexy asf 7. Told her my complete medical history 8. Cried when I told him to remove her from his fb 9. Still texts and calls on cell 10. Says I am overreacting 11. I was sick and could not go out to a funeral, found out she was there and they were arm in arm and he introduced her as his bf but I never knew about her. So my question is with all of this am I wrong to feel betrayed, hurt and that the trust has been broken? He is still very defensive about her and has no care about how I feel as I am overreacting, they are just friends.

(Married to my husband for about 16yrs, I've been with him for 15yrs) I just can't shake that I am in love with his brother and I know he is in love with me too. Let me start by saying. I wrote a post with this title before and since I have been inactive, it seemed to have disappeared. So I will write again with more that has happened over time and with a lot more detail. The only way I believe anyone will understand is if I tell what happened from the beginning to what's going on currently. This is my emotional story.... So before I met my husband and his brother, we both lived in the same neighborhood. Across the street from each other. I lived in the neighborhood longer and they moved into the neighborhood afterwards. They used to play basketball a lot. I used to go to the courts to watch the guys play basketball(that's just the sport I liked to watch), over a course of about a month, I was observing my husband at the time before we officially met. I just kept thinking how cute he was and I was really nervous to talk to him, so I never really made a move(That part comes later). Next my husband's brother walked up to me and he was really showing that he was interested in me(I did not know that they were brothers during this time, but I found out later on). We talked about a lot about different things, like basketball, but mainly about his daughter and the situation he was going through with his daughter's mom. He was really attractive, but he told me his age and showed me a picture of his daughter. I wasn't ready to be part of someone's life that already had a child because I was only 15yrs old at the time, plus he was 20yrs old at the time too and I knew my Mom would have a heart attack. Mind you I was really mature for my age though, so I carried myself like I was grown already. He had asked for my number after our conversation and I just told him, "No, I don't have a phone", (even though I did). I just made up an excuse because I did not want to hurt his feelings(I made my decision knowing the connection we had already). We didn't really talk too much after that, but I always knew he was still interested in me. So now a couple of weeks later I find out that they were both brothers when I met my husband during my 16th birthday. He(my husband) just showed up randomly, uninvited. I just let him join the party anyway. We talked for hours that night after the party and 3 days afterwards we finally decided to start dating. (Both brothers were obviously interested in me at the same time) I really didn't think anything of it, but it felt weird to be with my husband a little because when I would go to his house and during other house parties etc, I would always catch his brother staring at me. We even went out on double dates and his brother has always looked at me with that attraction gaze for the longest no matter who he was with. My husband and I were good at first, until I started to see a side to him that made me wish I never dated him in the first place. He was really mean, controlling and occasionally violent(If it wasn't towards me, it was towards objects). Here is where it all begins between both of them. Every time my husband was violent and mean to me, his brother was always coming to my rescue and stepping in. He defended me and made me feel safe when he was around. He has always been my protector when it comes to his brother. This is not easy for me to admit, but my husband had thrown me, when he was angry, and I hit my head on the ground and I just laid there because my head was really spinning. His brother ran up to me and he moved my hair out of my face and was really worried about me. He comforted me. He asked me multiple times, "Are you okay?" He held me and then got in his brother's face to fight him and then ran back to me to help me. I felt so helpless during this time and I really felt like my husband did not care for me at all and his brother did. There are a few other times that my husband was cruel and his brother has always been there in the middle of it. I don't want to go into all of the painful moments of my history, but mentioning at least one major thing can give a clear picture behind part of why I feel the way I do for my husband's brother. Over time my husband's brother has always randomly checked on me and has always given me the love gaze(you know what I am talking about if you've seen it). It has never changed. If any change has happened, it's the strength of the bond between my husband's brother and I. I feel it and I know he feels it too(It's all in the energy when we get around each other). I've always wanted to tell him how I've felt for him over time, but I was not courageous. I was afraid my husband would be really violent towards me. Plus I asked myself, "How could I feel this way about my husband's brother?". I thought to myself, "Maybe it's a feeling that will go away over time, so I just left what I was feeling inside alone", and I just kept it to myself for a really long time until I finally decided to tell him that "I care" for him. There are sooo many important moments of my life that have to do with my husband's brother, like even things and situations that my husband wouldn't notice, but his brother always did(Example: I was really sick and depressed during a long period of time and his brother would always call to check on me, he was even married during this time and was still showing that he cares for me anyway. My husband didn't even notice that I was sick and depressed.). During a large portion of my life I had no body that actually took the initiative to show that they care for me like my husband's brother. He always told me positive things like, "You deserve better", "You don't deserve to be treated the way my brother treats you. "Why do you stay with him?" Here is the part and the reason I finally decided to tell him(Husband's brother) that "I care". My husband's oldest brother passed away(my husband has 3 brothers total). The brother that I am in love with is the 2nd oldest. After the oldest brother passed away, which was years later. I started to see life in a different way and I didn't want to take my husband's brother for granted because we are not promised tomorrow. I felt like I couldn't live with myself if something happened to him and he didn't know that I cared for him at least, so I texted him saying, "I really need to talk to you about something important." I didn't know he was going to call me, but he did. He wanted to know if everything was okay with me, and asked if his brother was okay. I mentioned to him that everything is fine with his brother, but I needed to talk with him about something. I asked if we could meet up in person to have a face to face chat(I am not the kind of person that likes to give this kind news over the phone). He just asked me why and I just said that I wanted to talk with him, but what I had to say deserved a face to face instead of over the phone (I really wanted to see his facial expressions after I told him). He asked what it was about and I just said, "feelings"(by this time I was soooo nervous I was about to just hang up). He asked me if I wanted/needed him to leave work and come over. I decided to tell him, "No, there's no need for that" and then I told him, "Nevermind, forget about it." His response was, "No tell me" , "Please tell me", "Come on, please"(In a charming, sweet tone of voice). I gave in and just decided to ask him, "Do you have feelings for me?" He just said, "nooooooo" (With an uncertain tone of voice) and asked me, "Why?". I then told him specific situations and behaviors that indicated that he cared for me. He didn't say anything back after. He seemed more in shock because of what I noticed about his behavior. I then decided to tell him that I care for him. He asked me if it was because of his brother and asked me, "What did my brother do now?" I just told him, "No, I've always cared about you." "Your brother didn't do anything to make me feel the way I do." (Yes, my husband's brother's protective nature got me to start caring, but that's not the only thing I've noticed over time. I fell in love because he is a very compassionate and caring person, and I always felt like we knew each other when we talked. We have that connection. I love him for who he is.) He just asked me after, "Why did you wait until now to tell me this?" He didn't let me answer the question and then he said, "I wish you would have told me this before I met my wife, then things would be different". I asked him, "How would things be different?" He didn't respond to the question(The response would have been obvious anyway though. I didn't really need to ask him that question). He was happy that I told him that I cared for him and he thanked me for my honesty. His tone of voice then changed like he was disappointed that I waited to tell him that I care for him, because then he said, "I really wish you told me this sooner." He then proceeded to tell me that I am very pretty(because he just wanted to let me know he was attracted to me) and then said, "Since we are being honest with each other, I was always jealous of how much you fought for my brother and I never had anyone fight like that for me before and that is what I envied/wanted you for." He also said, "I admire you." I was very surprised at his response, but then it confirmed everything that I thought he was feeling over time even though he did say, "noooo", in the beginning of the phone call. I just thanked him for noticing what I went through with his brother and it made me feel like I was not alone. We both were a little quiet afterwards, but because he was at work, he then told me that it was nice talking with me, but he has to go before his boss was going to "chew his ass"(We talked for almost an hour, which was actually supposed to be his 15min break). I asked him if we can continue talking the next day and he said, "yes." (Note-Our conversation was also about other things like his family etc, but I don't think those details are relevant to mention, but we were opening up to each other. I always felt he understood me. We understand each other well, but the next day is a bit hard for me to put together to understand) **Over time there has been confirmation and I've just been gathering pieces and putting them together like a puzzle. I already figured my husband's brother out. Now for the next day. I texted him, "Good morning"(Just to be nice) and that is when things took the turn for the worst. He decided to tell the family what I said to him, leaving out everything that he said and felt to me. I am not certain why he decided to do that, but my husband seems to think it's because his wife found out and made him tell the family(It's possible, but I'm not certain). Even though he decided to throw me under the bus, he still gives me that love gaze all the time when our eyes meet each other. He gets really mad when I am anywhere near my husband etc. I wanted to just continue working things out with my husband, but over time my husband's brother seems to be getting angry at the fact that my husband and I are together still. It's just getting worse. My husband's brother called my husband and decided to tell him that I have a "crush" on him etc. I have already tried to mend the situation with my husband's brother, but he doesn't want me to message him anymore. He would rather we speak in person, but when he made that decision I was pretty mad at him for what he had done and I didn't want to talk to him for a while afterwards. I just ignored him, but his behavior started to get worse after that. I felt tension building up between like it's going to explode. My husband and I have spoken and he knows the truth of the entire conversation his brother and I had. My husband also knows that I am in love with his brother, but his brother does not know that I am in love with him. I only told my husband's brother that I care for him, nothing more, but to be honest he probably could tell in my eyes how I feel about him without the need for me to tell him. My marriage is pretty much just about done because of my husband's brother and the way that I feel, but I also found out my husband is in love with someone else. This is all just a messed up situation, but without a doubt I know that my husband's brother is in love with me, but he keeps dissimulating because of the obvious judgement that he would get if the truth came out. The energy between my husband's brother and I is getting more intense over time instead of a typical situation where time usually heals. My husband seems to believe that his brother does love me because he knows his brother's behavior when he is in love. My husband also believes that his brother has been trying to break us up for a long time based on situations behind the scenes that he told me about. I'm not sure what to do at this point. My husband is distant and is being indecisive about us(I understand why though), but I feel the same too. We both just drifted apart after everything. It's a painful mess and I feel completely torn. I hated myself for caring about my husband's brother, I hated myself for feeling the way I do and I've tried sooo hard to hate him(my husband's brother), but I can't. My husband's brother knew my worth before I did( I know my worth now of course). I've come to terms over the years that the way I feel will NEVER go away no matter how hard I try. I'm human and I'm not perfect, but this situation really hurts... ...to be continued