Hi, I've been in a long distance relationship with my current partner for 2 years. He lives 126 miles away. Our 1st year together was really good, we both tried our best to see one another as much as we could. A few months into our relationship, he walked out of his job. He said it was too much stress & pressure & he knew it was having an impact on his mental health. I totally understood & tried my best to help him through it. After a while, he seemed ok & sorted out his benefits to make sure his bills were paid. I didn't pesture him about job finding because I too, suffer with mental health issues so I understood his reasons about how he was feeling at the time etc.
The 2nd year of our relationship hasn't been smooth. Covid hit & we went weeks without being able to see 1 another. When we finally got to see each other this is where the little arguments started. Whenever he got irritated or feeling low, he started being horrible to me, saying nasty things. I would do my best to walk away from it so he could cool down & then I'd go back to speak to him (also making sure I was standing up for myself). We have been through a heck of a lot together regarding our ex partners on both our sides causing issues. But we managed to pull through those times.
During our relationship, my partner would make comments (implying keeping other girls interested in him or how many women he has slept with etc) he has never shared photos of me or mentioned me on any of his social media. And when he starts an argument with me, he always ends it by telling me to **** off. I have called him out on this many a times so he knows he shouldn't say these things. His reply is always it's just banter.
We are now a little over 2 years into this relationship & I'm starting to have doubts. I'm over thinking absolutely everything. He is still unemployed & when I ask him about it, he either tells me there are no jobs he's interested in or no new jobs have been advertised or the hours/days don't fit in around when he has his children. I feel so bad for thinking he now has no motivation whatsoever to find a job. I'm a single mum of 3 & a dog & I work all week so I can't help that him being still unemployed grates on me slightly.
Just 4 weeks ago, he had another low day & started messaging me nasty messages again. He was really mean. I ended up ignoring his messages for 3 days to the point I couldn't read anymore from him so I messaged him ending the relationship. That week was awful, he was then constantly begging me to give him another chance & told me he wouldn't ever do it again. Apparently I scared him because he said he thought I would never be the 1 to end our relationship. Since then we've been trying to get back on track, talk everyday etc. He is now buying me gifts & telling me he adores me & how he wants to show me off on social media now.
But I can't help but have doubts. It's like I scared him when I ended our relationship & now he's gone into overload with showing me love etc finally. It makes me feel like all this time I wasn't worth it & that he took me for granted in some ways because of the person I am. I took care of him when he was in hospital with pneumonia last year, I'd always do 75% of the travelling to go see him, I'd make plans for us to try new things together etc. I also question whether or not he will move out of his flat to live with me 1 day.
When I ask him about it, he tells me if we are together for another 2, 3 years or whatever & he decides he can't move then I shouldn't feel like I've wasted my time with him. It's kinda frustrating when he says this. I love him so much & I really do care for him & try to support him. I saw a future with him & this is what makes it even harder to ignore my doubts. We both have children from previous relationships so it's not just our feelings to consider neither.