I'm 37 yrs old, I have been with my boyfriend 5 years now. He's always had a low sex drive from the beggining. He did always watch porn and masturbate tho. I caught him and things changed little now. I havent caught him anymore but I get dressed up for him, differently each time. (I wear sexy alfits, different wigs, forplay) I been catching him getting prepared while watching other women on tv. :( he will put on a movie with extreme nudity (Ive seen) I get dressed nice for him he never tells me i look nice he dont even look at me...but we go out and he stares at women like hes in heat..
He makes me feel as I'm just worthless, unatractive, my self esteem is badley dropped. I stopped eating, I dont want to be fat, I dont want to feel what he makes me feel its misery. :( I am tired, overwhelmed, I want to feel loved for once and desired. I have just lost the last spark I had. He sees any other female except me, its like Im invisible. I hate myself when I see mirror reflection. I feel broken and sad all the time.
His behavior has affected me, so much that i have considered suicide as an option to end how numb I feel. I lost interest to life, theres alot more than just this. The entire neglect itself, in all I am with him. Not good enough in anyway. Then again he says he loves me, but shows me this.... Im the one with issues in the end. :( plz help.