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“In love with my best friend's boyfriend”

They say love happens at most unexpected situations and with most unexpected people. I feel it's true. I was not supposed to love my best friend's boyfriend, but I do. First I wanna make it clear that I am here just for releasing the mental tension that I am going through.

So here's the story – me and my best friend met this guy in college. We quickly gelled with him and began hanging out together. I soon realized that I too have feelings for him. At first it was fun, having butterflies, etc. But soon the happy world ended when I realized that my best friend too has feelings for him. He then contacted me regarding his feelings for her. I decided that it is the time to back off. I tried to play as cupid between my bestie and him, and soon they were in a relationship.

At first I thought it's just a crush and it will pass but my feelings fueled up so quickly and turned into love. I also realized that my best friend has started to spend more time with him, and I am like a third wheel, which added to my anxiety. Also I had this feeling that maybe he likes me too. Recently I was very tensed and decided to confess my feelings to him. I met him and confessed. He was very supportive, he even said that I am very courageous and that I will find my best man soon. He clarified that he loves only her. And said that he will not tell her about this conversation. I know they are perfect together, and at the end my best friend and her happiness is more important to me than a guy. And obviously his happiness is also important for me. They both are so happy together, and this makes me happy too.

But somewhere deep down in my heart it aches, it aches to see my love with someone else, it aches to see him pouring all his love on someone else when I sit alone craving for love. I am never loved in my life and to be honest my love has never been reciprocated. I too want to be loved. I guess love is not my cup of tea. On the other hand, I understand that they are good with each other and I don't want to cause problems in their relationship. They both are nice. I know I will never get him, and we hang out all the time together so it kind of hurts. I know deep down I feel like I wish I could trade my life with my best friend.

But when she smiles, I feel like she should keep smiling all the time, whenever anyone of them shares that they are having troubles in their relation, I always try to help them and tell them to make it work. Even if they separate in future I would want it to be a mutual decision with least pain possible. Then also I will not try to hit upon him, because I know the pain of being cheated and in no world I would like to cheat my best friend. I will still keep loving him, no matter I never get him in my life. Because at the end I believe love is all about giving and not receiving.

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