Before COVID I dated two women about two weeks apart. The first one (let's call her Beth) I met organically at a classy bar with her friends, asked for her number, then we had a first date a week later which was really nice. We smiled and laughed a lot, she shared some cool stories of her traveling, I had a good feeling about her and we had a great date. About a week or so after Beth, the second girl (let's call her Jane) I went on a coffee date with after meeting through an online service. Like a lightning bolt, Jane blew me out of the water. I was enamored. Smitten. Our first date was two hours of great conversation. I was mesmerized. She is a single mom home with two kids that she shares with her husband once a week. Jane and I went on a couple followup dates after that (even meeting her kids at a big community social thing for kids - she wasn't rushing introductions, just she didn't have a lot of time between sick kids and work and everything else). I proceeded to fall for her and saw my life plugging in with hers, not having my own I grew excited about being a "figure" of some kind to her two incredible children (wicked smart, well behaved, lots of fun, artistic, kind - great kids). She was wicked smart, musical, a great mother, and also very pretty. I never went on a second date with Beth - neither of us reached out after the first date for a second. I was crazy about going further with Jane. The choice seemed clear to me. Then COVID. Jane's ex husband is an immune compromised person by virtue of organ transplant. This meant for the kids to see him they would need to maintain strict quarantine for two weeks prior to their visits. Jane works online education from home so COVID wasn't as big a stretch for her as many people. Basically they adopted a lifestyle of continuous quarnatine (not just two weeks then a break because, honestly, that's a long two weeks to start over on). Other than a few stircrazy people in a house, their quarantine was doable for Jane. It was also essential. Jane couldn't tell her ex to kick rocks. Her kids need their dad (though he wasn't carrying his whole weight, but still). Further, Jane could not bear the thought of transmitting COVID to her childrens' father potentially and quite possibly killing him. So while the early days of COVID appeared with glasses of wine outdoors on her patio, or in open soccer fields chatting while the kids played ball, it never moved further. Though on the verge of having kissed her, we never made it that far. But I fell for her hard. Then, about as suddenly as it started, I could see her no more or chose not to - wasn't much of a choice really. you must also understand, Jane is a kind of scientist that is super sharp on things like epidemiology and virus transmission - there were no half-measures or wiggle room. In contrast to Jane, I could not maintain quarantine for two full weeks due to my job. One week or ten days I could do, but not more. John's Hopkins was unflinching about this with her ex - 14 days isolation and then you're safe. I've never seen Jane again. We exchanged texts and emails for a time like an enamored high school kid with a new crush, but eventually we both agreed it was better to go cold turkey than to keep torturing each other with frequent messages. It hurt a lot cutting things off bluntly with someone I was crazy about, but it had to be that way. I haven't been as excited to start up with someone as I was for her in many many years. It hurt a lot letting go. Spoiler alert: I still haven't, honestly - not fully anyway. And then Beth reached out to me after a month or two in April. Wanted to know if I wanted to go on another date. I agreed. COVID quarantine was taking its toll. I wasn't dating anymore - nothing after Beth and Jane during COVID - but since I knew her already, and as a medical professional, I trusted her COVID practices. We started up. At first it was really just dating in the generic sense. Two people, hanging out, liking each other but much more tame and reasoned than I experienced with Jane. We had all kinds of fun camping and hiking and doing all the things I'd put on a backburner as a single person - I now had a buddy to backpack and explore with and we wasted no time! Beth, single, no kids, no ex, independent, likes the outdoors, cooking, and traveling, is a real catch. Heart of gold. Kind person. Generous person. Our dogs get along great. We travel and camp and spend lots of time together without any issues or fighting. On paper we're a match. But what I don't feel as much, despite all her amazing traits, is the excitement I had for Jane. The "pull." Neither of them know about the other. Neither of them needed to. But after many months of dating Beth, I still find myself distracted by Jane although we aren't in regular contact except some Facebook post reactions and such. It seems to be interfering with me sexually as well ocassionally. As vaccines approach and distribution begins, I begin to wonder about the day that Jane reaches out, and asks if I want to try to pick up where we left off... And with this, recently things with Beth begin to crumble, because I feel guilty, I feel I'm duplicitous, and I feel Beth isn't being treated fairly - getting what she deserves which is someone who is ALL IN, who is "Fuck yeah" or "no" and not hanging somewhere in-between. I thought that might organically happen during our dating. We "make sense" together, Beth and I, and while there is not the "push away" feeling with Beth, it seems the "pull towards" Beth isn't as strong as what it should be. I enjoy our time together, but it seems maybe we're destined to just be "COVID buddies" and not cut out for the long haul? But she's also so endearing, and I beat myself up for hurting her by denying her my full presence. It makes me feel terrible because I've been in love before and I think it should "flow" from you in a good relationship. It doesn't so much. Only recently as we've begun to pull apart and had adult talks on our ending relationship (minus the subject of Jane) that I've begun to grow closer to Beth, perhaps ironically. I feel myself missing many things and ideas about Beth. My heart pangs when I see photos from our summer camping trips together. I really care for her and if I hadn't have met the impossible Jane, I think things would be very different between Beth and I. But you can't unmeet someone. So that's the story of COVID, Beth, and Jane. Can't feel fully committed to Beth because of lingering thoughts of Jane, can't be with Jane because of COVID and we never really started dating so I don't even know how we'd really be together, and sometimes I feel I should just be alone so no one else gets hurt. It's a horribly frustrating situation.

I am 25 years old, male, and I have never been in a relationship before (I spent the last 6 years or so focusing on getting through university). I am now in a stable position and the idea of having a nice girl to spend time with sounds really appealing. Unfortunately, I am having real difficulty in attracting girls. It may be related to my inexperience or anxiety, but I have no idea where to even start. I have spent A LOT of time on dating apps/websites like tinder, bumble, match but have not had any success. Of the matches that I have had, they seem to be either fake accounts or girls that don't respond at all to my messages. The idea of swiping right/left based entirely on someone's appearance is an idea that is quite frankly hurtful in my opinion, so I am not sure whether online dating is for me. I'm also not really looking for one night stands. I have no intention of paying my hard earned money to these companies for "premium" services. As for real life women, I have spoken to some female co-workers but it seems that they are all in relationships already. My main interests are travelling, going on scenic walks, keeping fit at the gym, and dining. I looked up a walking group but the members are all at least 40 years old. I went out to sit in a park today and saw what I thought was a beautiful girl and her boyfriend really did not appear that handsome. I don't mean that in a rude way. I don't consider myself ugly but equally I don't consider myself to be extremely handsome. All I could think was: how on earth did this dude manage to get a hot girl like her! And if he can do that, then why can't I? Is it because of a few extra pounds I've put on whilst at uni? I'm eating less and doing much more exercise now than before (at work and through the gym). When I left the park, I saw another good looking girl holding the hand of a dude that was wearing a scruffy shirt and looked like he hadn't shaved in a long time. Also, what exactly do women mean when they say that they are attracted to confident men? I have signed up to a speed dating event next month and that is basically the only thing that I have got my hopes hanging on. Anyway, sorry for the rambling but I have been quite frustrated about the repeated failure and failing in the midst of other people's success has been really hurtful. It shouldn't be this hard! Any advice welcomed. Thanks

So there is this guy at work. We started to speak mid June last year but it was short lived as he told me he didn't want anything serious but I fancied him so much, although I didn't know either what I wanted because I came out of a long and committed relationship not so long before. But I didn't want to give up on this new guy and we played our little games at work (blushing when near each other, smiling, small talks, caught him watching me from the distance constantly etc) but he just seemed too shy to actually do anything so I engaged a conversation with him again on a social media app. There were weeks when we talked everyday, all day and even though he told me previously he didn't want anything serious, he kept asking me things which convinced me from the opposite. Then at the very end of August I ended up in his apartment and had a *very nice* night with him. Not just the intimacy was perfect-like but the pillow talk, or the rest of the night. We were talking about everything and I could tell that we had chemistry. We were holding hands all night and he was stroking all my body, giving kisses to my cheeks, forehead, we cuddled a lot (he pulled me to his chest) and it was all so nice and definitely didn't feel like a one-night stand for me (what I thought it is gonna be). Before I left he pulled me closer and kissed me for sooo long just to say goodbye. He messaged me immediately after I left. And things were just okay for 2 weeks after but it just slipped out of my hands. I started to develop very deep feelings for him and while I saw the same on him, he never made a move. He was rude on messages. It was making me going insane. Because in person he was so nice and kind to me and his eyes told me everything what was happening in his heart but he was pushing me away at the same time. Then we had an argument that he doesn't want a relationship, a friendship, not even talking (really immature, I know). Then we cut off all the contact and didn't speak with each other. I was avoiding him at work, didn't even say Hi because it just hurt me so much. I cried every day, felt unbearable pain because I didn't understand. Then about 2 months later I heard from a mutual friend that he actually had a girlfriend all along. I started to hate him so much. I just ignored him as much as I could. About a 1-1.5 month later I noticed that he was trying to catch my eyes. He was trying to engage again. But I just kept ignoring as I didn't want to suffer more. Then I took almost 4 weeks of holiday (visited home) but when I went back to work, everything has changed. I found out pretty soon that he broke up with that girl. He started his little games again: smiling, blushing, being all awkward and embarrassed around me, sitting the closest to me in the canteen etc., I felt like he's trying to find out whether I'm still mad at him or not. And I'm not gonna deny, I still have feelings for him too, but I tried to move on and was open for anything new but the few I encountered just...weren't worth to mention (and weren't anything like this guy?). So I went into his games too. And yet again, I heard just the other day that he has another girlfriend, now officially. And now I'm just sitting here I have no freaking idea 1. Why and mostly HOW I still have feelings for him??? 2. What the heck he's trying to achieve with his games while he has someone else??? 3. Why I am not good enough for him to be in a relationship, why I'm only a back-up person for him? I feel like I've tried everything to move on and nearly succeed but he pulled me back with his pretty face and I find myself exactly where I was a few months ago. I know he has something for me, I can just tell, but then why is he trying with other girls instead of growing balls and stay with me??

so basically it all started recently...me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost a year now.. sure I loved him...but slowly as time passed by I realized he isn't the one for me... we both are introverts....I am a talkative introvert so I used to talk a lot with him... because if I didn't we would have sat there with an awkward silence... but now I have nothing left to talk about and him being an introvert I always receive short replies... but still I was managing things somehow... but everything took a turn when I met this one boy... he was cute, charming, talkative, just like the person I would love to spend my time with… soon I caught feelings for him…as much as I tried to ignore them the more I fell hard for him…. Me and my boyfriend literally fight every day…even yesterday…and him being mad at me for stupid reasons I’m just tired of him… he got mad at me yesterday because I came late during the break and then had a 2 min chat with my friends… just because our exams are going on and we didn’t chat for two days… but in school I gave all my time to him…I was sick yesterday…. everyone in the school noticed it…. Except for him… but yesterday the guy who I have a crush on proposed of a causal relationship… I said yes… and this is how I’m in relationship with two guys at the same time… what the hell am I supposed to do now…I feel terribly guilty….

I want to share this because I have no one to talk to about my concerns! My boyfriend and I have been together for almost seven years. We met in high school and have faced many challenges in our relationship like long-distance while I was in college and currently we are not living together. About three years ago, my boyfriend’s “God-Sister” and best friend moved back to the area. They became pretty close and at the beginning, the three of us would do things together. During the last year, he began spending more time with her and less with me. He would say that it was because she lived so close and I lived 30 minutes away. She would cook for him, drive him places, and they basically hung out every day whereas I only saw him on weekends. A couple of months ago, I found out that he cheated on me with her (I found proof, a month after it occurred). I confronted him and he insisted that it was a one-time, drunken mistake and did not go further. I also found out that he spent WAY more time with this girl than I had originally known. We broke up for about a month, but he was persistent and continued to tell me that it was a mistake and it would never happen again. Ultimately, I gave him another chance because people make mistakes and we had been together for so long. I did not want to be controlling and say he could not be friends with the girl, but I also did not want him to have the same opportunities as before. He promised me that they would not be hanging out, or talking, like they were before but they would be friends and he would be more transparent and open with me to build back trust. As time moved on, he continued to text her daily and she would dog sit during the week while he was at work. Each time I brought her up, he would get upset and say he didn’t want to keep talking about her. I have tried to explain that I am uncomfortable with them being friends because I am excluded from their relationship (ie there is never times where we will be around each other because he does not want drama, his family sees her but only when I’m not there). A little while ago, I had this gut feeling that he was lying to me about being at work and I ended up driving to her house to see if he was there. He was. So, I called him to give him an opportunity to tell me the truth and he said he was elsewhere. I ultimately confronted him again. He stated that the only reason he lied was because he didn’t want me mad, but he did not cheat. Ever since, I have struggled with trust issues. I have asked him to turn on his location and he refuses. About a week ago, he calls me to admit that he is cutting ties with his friend and that he has once again been lying about the friendship. For the last little while, he has been refusing to see me (blaming it on Coronavirus) but has been hanging out with her and not telling me. His family is aware and has not told me. I have been trying to move past it, but even now he states that he still wants to be friends with her. If I ask him if she has talked to him, he gets upset because he doesn’t want to talk about her. In addition, throughout the cheating and now, she has openly admitted that she has feelings for him, she thinks she does more for him than me, and was manipulating him into staying away from me. He will not allow me to confront her because he does not want drama with her or her/her family to threaten me. However, he still wants to be cordial with her. I know that it will begin like this but they will eventually continue to hang out. He has insisted that he will be honest with me moving forward, but I do not believe him. He does not understand my frustrations and is not willing to acknowledge that their relationship is disrespectful to me. I believe that he has feelings for her that he is unwilling to admit to himself, I do not know how to move forward and I just need advice.

He's my very best friend. He loves me, and I am desperately in love with him. He has a girlfriend that is not me. That kills me on the inside. I try to text him but he gives vague responses and he's told me that if he didn't have a girlfriend, we'd be together. He's admitted to wanting to kiss me, but he just seems distant. I ask him if he's trying to ignore me, but he always says no. I miss him. My heart now breaks to think of him because he's just not who he used to be. He's changed since we first met and I just need to see him, but I can't and if you don't know why, then you're oblivious to what's going on in the world. I want to call him, but he says not to call. If he says no or anything like that, I trust him and stay away so that I don't lose him forever. This relationship feels very one-sided. What do I do? As I said, I really don't want to lose him because he is the best thing in my life and really is just keeping me alive. So what is your advice, internet?

I’ve just got on my 3rd week of having my first boyfriend, and lately, there’s been this other boy who is always being kind to me and making my laugh. We talk quite a lot and I think I’m starting to like him. But my boyfriend (apparently) loves me completely. I do too, and I don’t want to hurt his feelings at all, but I want to tell the other boy that I like him. What do I do??!!

Does anybody else have a crush on a guy/ girl that has a gf/ bf? (Btw, I’m a female) I have a crush on this guy at my church, he’s super cute, very kind, very open minded, and just welcoming. My crush leads the 10:45 am worship service at my church, and he also leads this program on Wednesday nights called “overflow.” Overflow is a service of worship, games, scripture readings, and more worship at the end, it’s really fun, I love going to overflow, not just cause of my crush that leads overflow, but also the fellowship and just communication with other kids, it’s just amazing! (Anyways, back to my crush, yay and lol) We’ve known each other for like 2 months now, and we have each others phone number. :) My church has so many amazing programs for kids and teens, it’s awesome! My church has a youth program, 3 services on Sunday (8:15 am, 9:15 am, and 10:45 am worship services) overflow on Wednesday nights, a Sunday school program, bible study, a thrift shop, and a nursery for little children (ages newborn - 3 years old.) My crush brought his gf to youth group one day and shared that he has a gf with the youth program. I thought to myself, “damnit, he’s cute, but he has a gf whattt!!??” I did not know what to do with myself when he said that, I was kinda devastated ngl. This might sound complicated to explain/ understand. I sorta have a bf though. This guy that I kinda dated in middle school still likes me. We have each others phone number, and he still says “ily” but I don’t rlly respond to that, I like him as a friend but not as bf and gf. (My crush at church is way way way cuter than the guy that I dated in middle school) It weird Ik It feels weird having a bf/ friendship and having a crush on the guy at my church. My bf/ friendship guy doesn’t know that I have a crush on the guy at my church, so shhh. If you guys have had an experience like I’m currently having, pls let me know how to handle it by commenting on this post.