“Frequent arguments pushing us apart”
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Hi everyone, I've been asking questions about my relationship with my boyfriend. Recently we have been having very rough days together and this has been going on for about 2-3 weeks now. Every time we meet up we usually have an argument/ disagreement and if it cools down, it's only a matter of minutes before another one starts. We used to be completely happy together and arguments and disagreements were never really a thing for a long time but recently they have been coming up so frequently that it's just pushing us apart. We still love each other so we keep trying to come back and work things out but if we come to an agreement, something else happens so we're back to square one. We have both come to know God, he has only recently converted, about a year now, and I with quite a number of years in the faith. I help him and guide him as best as I can but something seems a little weird.

Firstly, we know that whether we believe in God or not, love is very important. We must care and have compassion for others. Before he was with God, he had this quality where if I was feeling down he'd stay with me and talk to me and just be loving and caring until I felt a little better and everyday for a couple days he'd check up on me and see if I had improved or what and of course when someone makes you feel loved and like you matter to them it's like a healing in itself. But fast forward to today and he just says that if I'm down I need to go to God and tell Him everything, don't rely on him, 'he's just the support'. And frankly, I'm not sure he understands what support means anymore.

I understand we take our troubles to God but didn't God also put people in our lives to be a physical support for us? Didn't God teach us to love one another and love each other as ourselves? Another thing I also had on my mind was when he said he loves me. When I was feeling down he said he loved me and although I just wanted to say 'how? you don't show it anymore. I feel like you love me just by word of mouth', I just said it's nice to hear that. He asked but what about God's love for me? I told him that it was different coming from a person and then questioned 'how?'. He was saying that there isn't a difference between hearing that you're loved and then knowing it but feeling it after, it's just a different approach. I don't understand what that meant but now it makes me wonder, does he even know about being in a relationship and loving a person?

He said to me that only if God directs me to him then I can focus on him. And I understand he wants me to put God first but is he right or am I supposed to be able to talk to him as well? From my understanding God would want me to speak to him about my troubles so we could work on them together and we could overcome them but I just don't understand how to get through to him. He also said that he's not going to assume otherwise unless God tells him so which makes me feel really lonely and hurt that I'm just left like that with God alone and no support from him.

I don't know if it's me or maybe my relationship with God or something else but I love him and when these things happen I feel physical pains in my heart, I sometimes hyperventilate and feel light headed, I feel pain in my head and there's a tightness and heaviness in my chest. He doesn't know about all the effects I get when he's like this with me apart from the pain in my head, tightness in my chest and on the rare occassion heart pains. I feel like fully explaining everything will cause another explosion with him. He'll just tell me go to God and don't tell him about it but he doesn't understand that the reason I get those effects is because of the lack of his care and love. I tend to take these issues on we have quite heavily and with the stress and hurt built up it's just overwheming and I get these effects. I'm sort of in a grey area when it comes to understanding what I should be getting from him and what I'm demanding too much off.

Am I asking too much? Am I just too attached? He's been my first everything so anything negative really affects me when it comes to him because I love him with my all. I just feel like I'm in a pit with no way out, with no direction or anything. Also, can someone explain to me how is it possible that before he knew God he was very compassionate and caring and now that he tries to fully rely on God, he's gone so cold on me and I'm left feeling unwanted and neglected by him? For God he would do anything, he'd even cut out activites because it's taking away his time from God, but when I ask him to, I just need to have understanding. I'm feeling very low and alone right now so any positivity would be greatly appreciated.

Can you please tell me what I should do or say to get through to him? I don't want to be harsh and I don't want to break up with him because in my heart I feel like he just needs an eye opener but I just don't have the words to do so. I just want him to know that he's hurting me and I need him to be the way he was.

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