Hello everyone, my boyfriend and I have known each other for a very long time and all this while it's been a long distance relationship. Regardless of that, we still made it work. We used to be giving each other everything we could and through that we've developed such a deep bond and a great love for one another.
However, I feel like the effort and expression of love on his part is lacking. And I don't think I'm right for telling him this especially because if he does start showing it I'd feel like it's not really coming from him but because of something I asked and he's just doing it to calm me down. Ironically, he just isn't the type of person that I've ever known to do something for me if I ask. For example, if I say can I see you tomorrow at 9am? The chances of that happening are close to zero and I'm so prepared to hear an excuse like 'sorry I was up all night playing games and I fell asleep late' or 'i just wanted to sleep in' or 'i'm just not motivated to wake up that early' but when it comes to his family, God or himself he makes a way when there is none.
He even told me today he was up since 2am and he's been with his family and at 5am he messaged me and when he did, I didn't even have his full atttention. I don't know if I'm being needy or what but it really breaks my heart to know that I don't matter enough to the point where he's willing to make the time out for me when it's not convenient to him. I've been sacrificing so much and I don't think he rememebers how much I do but sometimes I feel like telling him I just want you to treat me the way you used too is going to make him think that I'm asking way too much of him. Usually he always makes me feel like I need to be more understanding but I just don't know what to do. I can't tell him and I can't keep it inside, but I just don't know what to do.
Something else I would just like to emphasise on is the fact that I'm having trouble when it comes to God. I make sure to put God first in my life but I still make time for him and make sure that he doesn't feel left out or anything regardless of my tiredness but when he puts God first it's like I can't go to him for anything. I usually hear that if I have a problem, take it to God and not him. For God he'd sleep early the night before just to make sure he's early in church the next day and find the time to pray and read the Bible etc. But for me I just don't see it. I feel like I'm in competiton with God and everything else in his life and it just has me in an emotional mess. Do I need to do something or do I just need to get over it or what?