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“Advice on husband watching porn”

Looking for some advice to understand why my husband needs to watch porn. Together for four years and when we started dating, I told him I am not someone who is ok with their BF watching porn and if this gets serious I wouldn’t want him to watch it. He said ok and then didn’t watch it in our relationship.

Two months ago while fighting about something he said he wants to watch porn and if he could. I was so stocked but said I’ll think about it. Next time we spoke about it we started a fight and he said he’s going to watch it and I just have to deal with it. I just wanted understanding as I’ve never been ok with it and things he said like 'at least not I’m out cheating' and he wants to watch it as men need variety and watches it for the women. We then come to him watching it and i woudn't hear about it and if it affects us then I would bring it up.

The next few weeks he barley initiated sex when he always would and then I caught him watching it while I was in the next room. He said didn’t think it was an issue as I said he could watch it and said he’s been watching it heaps as it’s a new toy, even when not using it to get off but wants to watch it. He did say he won’t watch as much, he was as he hasn’t watched it for so long and was loving it.

I am still struggling with it but want to be ok with it so tried talking about it again and he wasn’t happy saying thought this was resolved and I just need to accept it, said he does want to watch it if I’m home as sometimes he’d prefer it over sex. I asked him if I wasn’t ok with porn would that be a deal breaker in our relationship, he said probably would as he wouldn’t be allowed to be himself that he likes looking at other women and porn isn’t an issue.

Does anyone have any advice? Should I just try my best to not think about and be okay with him watching it while I’m at home? I can’t understand how this could be a deal breaker but is this how most men would be? And do guys really not want to talk about it with their partners even if would help them understand? Maybe someone has had a similar experience. Thank you.

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