I’ve been dating a girl for two months now and I recently had a grievance with her over a text where I said I love you too back to her. She made the argument that I shouldn't be sending intimate and loving texts to other girls even though this friend of mine I hold very close to my heart has been really loving and caring with me the two years we’ve been friends and gotten me through a lot of hardships. My girlfriend insists that my friend is only getting me to say I love you back to her for her own entertainment because she is jealous and has feelings for me.
This came up again recently when I had my 20th birthday party where my friend had her hand on my shoulder for a period of time and again later on in the night where she was quite comfy with me and put her arm around me and got very close. I completely understand that with my girlfriend there I should have shut it down instantly but I instead didn’t which made my girlfriend feel annoyed and disrespected. I apologised profusely for not shutting it down that night and said I’d mention something to my friend because I too felt my boundaries were disrespected purely because my girlfriend was present when all this was happening and a bit freaked out by the whole situation which is what paralysed and surprised me when she did get comfy that night and led to me not saying anything in the moment.
However, the next morning my girlfriend went through my texts with my friend and seen that I have been texting her throughout my relationship and the past year or so things like ‘I love you too’ and ‘my family and I miss you’ (because she also is very close with my family and my family really like her too). After reading these texts she went off at me for hours about how she feels disrespected and that throughout my relationship with her I was also saying the same intimate things with another girl. I see my friend as a bro and say the same sort of things with a lot of my ‘bro’s’ as well but my girlfriend still feels as though I don’t respect my relationship with her because my friend clearly has feelings for me and I’m entertaining all of those feelings by being fine with saying the odd sweet thing with her.
I love my girlfriend very much but she’s now given me an ultimatum where if I don’t deal with this situation correctly (which definitely entails me stopping all of my affection towards my friend or losing my friend all together who’s treated me so kindly through my hardships) or as explicitly stated will end in breakup and has now given me the silent treatment and won’t text or see me till I sort it out.
I’m quite happy to halt all affection to my friend because I did feel quite disrespected at the party when she clearly didn’t respect my boundaries especially with my girlfriend there but I’m also fairly certain that my friend doesn’t have feelings for me. I guess what I’m really trying to understand is if my girlfriend is being fair with me and hasn’t abused my trust as well by going through my phone and giving me an ultimatum and the silent treatment etc. Before I go telling my friend how disrespectful she was towards my relationship by getting too comfy with me I need to know if my girlfriend isn’t also disrespecting my relationship with my close friend as well.