Don’t sweat it. Most people think their long distance relationship will fail because they fear their partner will replace them with someone else. In an attempt to protect themselves from this fear, their brain highlights their partner’s most negative traits. This is a common defense mechanism which prepares for the emotional pain of a breakup. However, couples who establish that they have a trusting, committed relationship, and work on their own individual mental health report greater intimacy in their long distance relationships. Lower levels of psychological distress in each individual also has positive effects on commitment, communication, and satisfaction in the long distance relationship. Healthy daily activities such as running, yoga and meditation can all contribute to a greater relationship with one’s self, which in turn results in more positivity and optimism in the relationship. Distance makes the heart grow fonder. The scarcity effect is a technique successful marketers use to increase the value perception of their products. If a product is less available, people view it as more desirable as a certain status applies to the exclusive few who have it. The latest iPhone must be amazing if there is a long queue of people waiting at the store opening to acquire one of the scarce few, right? In long distance relationships, the demand almost always exceeds the supply. You love each other deeply but cannot see each other as much as you would like. Due to this, couples see each other – and their time together – as more valuable. Planning frequent visits ahead of schedule give you anticipation and excitement. It also shows a willingness to invest in the relationship, which can make you feel more secure. Those who continue to arrange special and thoughtful dates once committed to each other have reported much more relationship satisfaction than those who see each other when it’s convenient. Communication is crucial. Although physically seeing each other may be rare, speaking with each other should not be. Communication really is essential as it results in less loneliness, greater feelings of intimacy, and lower levels of jealousy. Try to make it a mixture of planned and spontaneous communication to keep the relationship both comforting and filled with excitement.

I've been in a realtionship with my current bf for 2 years now...well, sort of - I'm saying that because in the beginning we had a long distance relationship. He eventually moved to my city (an honorable gesture, may i say so) and in 2 months we will celebrate 1 years since we have lived in the same city. However, i must address something that it bothers me so so much. We never go out. And it's not even about spending money or something like that. I would be very happy to just go to the park together and sit on a bench. The thing is he denies to do almost everything. At first i thought he was tired, or he is busy at work or something... but this is a constant. Almost every time i have to initiate things. And 90% of times, he says he doesn't want to do anything. He just wants to sit in the house all day. I understand that he doesn't like to go to clubs and whatever (although i would love to go in such a place together) but even when i compromise it seems it's not enough. All he wants to do is sit in the house and that's all. I am so frustrated because i want to make memories with him, but it seems like he doesn't want to do the same with me... i really suffered when we were in a long distance relationship because we couldn't spend too much time together and we didn't do many things that couple get to do. I thought that if he moves here we would do stuff together...we would discover the beauty of this city together, we would explore caffees and streets and stuff like that. I told him about my feelings. I told him that i want us to do more things together...but it seems like every time i just hit a wall. We have been together for 2 years now...and all i can remember from this relationship is how we are sitting in the house all day...doing absolutely nothing. Sometimes i feel like he is only neglecting ME. In his past relationships he told me he used to visit/do all these stuff that i want now to do with him... (going to the clubs, visiting other cities, exploring parts of our town). I don't understand why he doesn't want to do things with me, but he did things with his ex and with his friends... What should i do? I am starting to lose hope...

My gf took a break from me (via text) and she told she doesn't know what will happen! Long story short, I live in Berlin and she lives in Tel Aviv and she is older than me by 4 years (I'm 22) and we are dating for a year and a half (and lived together in my flat for 4 months+many visits), and this “break” is going since 2 weeks, i was very hurt when she took this decision and cutted any contact. She started texting and calling after few days - I didn't answer. After a week she sent me a recorded message, crying that she is going through a hard time and she wants to talk and blablabla, since then we talk almost everyday (fucked up right?), and today i just asked her: OK, so we are in this break already 2 weeks and that i want her to make it clear for me, if she allows her self to date other guys in the meanwhile, she told me "I don't know, I have to think about it" and she told me that she disagree with me that its cheating if she do date (maybe she already did) other guys during the "break", and i told her that she is making me lose my trust in her saying that stuff, and gave her "deadline", to tell me until tomorrow, what is her clear position, and I clarified to her to consider it breakup if she do want to date other guys during the break. So guys, whats your thoughts? (i never dealt with such situation). P.S. I got many signs also that she is narcissistic.

Hi guys, I really need your help here please as I am going desparated now. I met this guy four months ago when I was traveling to LA for my vacation. Quickly we clicked and bond together. We really enjoyed our every single moment there so we decided to keep contact and talk everyday when I came back to FL.We’re really open and transparent about our private life. I’ve never married or had a kid so everything is pretty simple from my side. He is actually still married, he and his wife submitted the divorce file and waiting for court hearing. They have 8 year old son and he’s mainly custody of the kid as his wife is flight attendant and unable to take care of the kid full time. So weeks ago he decided to bring his son with him to visit me. When his wife found out, she went crazy, they had fight, yelled to each other and she did everything to ruin his trip, acted like a bitch (as he said). Previously she was the one to control everything in their married life and he and his son have to do whatever she wants. Now since he’s with me, she may think that things are out of her control and therefore extremely upset about that. She tried everything to catch thie attention, including putting herself in trouble (like sleeping pill overdose) and my boyfriend had to be there take care of her. Eventually my boyfriend still visited me 2 days ago and they are staying with me for 2 weeks. His son is pretty a good boy but his head is packed with all the bad things from his mother about me so he’s cold to me and dislike me. And my boyfriend is too soft to his every single request, with no rule for kids and I have feeling that he’s spoiling the kid a little too much. Whatever his son asks, he follows and I haven’t seen him say no to his son during 3 days here. He came here to visit me but we hardly hold hand, hug because his son sticks around him all the time and barely talk to me though I’ve been trying to be nice. He slept with his son as well and only came to my bed at 2 or 3am and then back to his son at 6am before he woke up. I feel like I am the person who is left out in my own house, everytime his son openly talk to me, his mom called and later on, he dislike me again. I don’t really have experience with kid or dating a guy with kid so I am pretty lost here. I even feel a bit insecured because of my boyfriend’s enabling characteristic and the fact that his wife is having trouble with her boyfriend. I don’t know if it’s just my feeling or it’s common to all others who date a guy with kid. How could I do to get rid of this kind of feeling or what should I do to make this situation better, to make his son like me a bit more? Or will I have to run around and deal with his crazy wife if I still want to be with him in the future? I really appreciate your advices please

Hello everyone, My name is L (male) and i have been in a long distance with K (female) for 8 months now. I'm in my early 30s and she is in her late 20s. I would say there have been no issues in our relationship prior to what i will mention below, and we have kept an honest and transparent communication. We are meeting up twice a month and we have plans to move in together this summer. So here is what bugs me for 3 weeks now, and I'm at a point where I feel very uncomfortable. 3 weeks ago she sent me a picture of an unknown place to me, it was the garden of a house with a barbecue, and then no contact until the next day. She said she got drunk and went to bed early, and she was apologetic about it. 3 days later, I found out that was at her ex's place, she told me herself. I genuinely didn't know how to react to this, and i sort of let it go because she insisted that i have nothing to worry about. By the way, that ex is not aware of my existence in her life. A week ago, she informed me she has a wedding to go to. This wedding is taking place today and the ceremony plus the party will last till tomorrow. I asked her whose wedding it is and where it's happening to which I got no response. The subject was tactfully avoided. I cannot ask twice, it goes against my principles. However, I know for a fact her ex has picked her up from her house and they went to that place together. My question is, what are the chances that this ex is just a closed subject to her and she hides it so that I don't feel uncomfortable about it? Thank you in advance

My boyfriend and I have been together for over 7 years. We've had quite the unique relationship. We started dating at the end of high school, and in our first year he went to Thailand to study his TEFL and he was away for 6 months. We worked through it and after that, he came forward to me that he actually has depression and it did get to a point that he was too proud to seek help until I approached that I'd leave if he didn't get help. He eventually did and it was a rocky road for him to find the correct medication etc. In 2019, he went to university as he finally saved the money he needed and also got the bursary he wanted. It was long distance again but it's what he wanted and I told him it would work out not matter what. I decided to move to the same city as him in 2020 because I was having family issues and I needed to move out anyways. In 2020, lockdown hit and he had to go back home. University was miserable for him because he felt he was forced into something he didn't want to study. Later in 2020, he did a suicide attempt in which he was admitted. I think this is what finally broke him that this isn't the life he wanted and he wanted to fight this. Cutting to now, he found the correct medication and he's doing so well! We decided on a city to live in and now he just doesn't feel romantic feelings anymore. I don't understand this? Upon telling friends as I needed support, they were all relieved saying I deserve better and they didn't like him anyways because of the stress he put me through. Is that all they really see about him? There's more to him than that. Depression wasn't his fault and I chose to stay because I felt in my heart it was right. He's coming today to talk about things and to try second chance this but if all works out, I'm scared to be letting my friends down. But I feel no one outside the relationship understands fully what it's like. Yes those years him battling depression was hard and it was total agony but is it not enough that he's better and he's doing well for himself? My family said he's put my life on hold but has he really? He's always encouraged me in everything I do in terms of my studies and career path. I'm really stuck here...

It's been over one month I still cannot get over what's going on. I'm gay btw. The story is just way too long but I still need to tell it from the beginning for better understanding. I met this guy through an app. He literally lived over 17.000 away miles from me.We talked for awhile and we had a lot in common; however, what I felt was him being a good friend. One day he confessed to me that he loved me. But like I didn't want to reject him directly and I said we had to see each other in person and see how things go. So probably we got time to know about each other a little more. I was stupid during the time because I felt alone in my country so I went on Tinder to look for some friends. I stumbled upon this guy and dated him. I still kept talking to the friend let's call him A. Then I told A that I found a boyfriend and things have been alright. But the boyfriend needed to fly back to his country for his education and we still dated. The boyfriend became so distant when he got back to his country and one day he asked me if he could hook up with other people because he felt so bored. I felt so broken inside but I convinced him not to and we still dated. I didn't know if A was hurt knowing that I wasn't single anymore but A decided to book a ticket to make all his way from 17.000 away just to see. I accommodated him when he visited me. We did what lovers would do like going to restaurants, coffeeshops or just laying in bed hugging each other for the whole day. We developed this kind of feelings for each other, and one night I lost my sobriety and went for a kiss. I realised that I really really liked him more than just a friend. I never felt so special in my whole life and he made me aware of how valuable being alive is. But I was still committed to the relationship so after A flew back to his country, I needed to keep a distance between us but still texting him like we were very close friends. We talked literally every day and cared about each other so deeply. At that point, I knew that I didn't love the boyfriend and he didn't love me either so I decided to break up with him to let us both free. I just wanted to ask A to be my boyfriend right away but like it would make it sound like he was my backup plan, so I waited for a little bit more so I could naturally get close to him. Unfortunately, one day A got into trouble with some unexpected legal issues, he was never involved in something that serious. He wasn't able to be calm and he didn't talk to me much about his difficulty. I thought he just needed some time and I gave him a break but I kinda missed talking to him. And then He just disappeared for one day, two days then one week two weeks. I couldn't stand it any longer so I asked if he was seeing someone. And it turned out that he started dating someone else for a few weeks and I never had time to confess my feelings to him. It's literally like he loved me too early and I loved him too late. And I cannot get over that fact that he's being someone else's. It's been over a month and I don't even know what's the next step to take and I've been feeling guilty for what I did to him and missing him so much. I cry every single day for how dumb I have been. He is literally the best person I have ever met. He made all his way from his country to mine just to see me. He checked on me every second when I got lost and called him just calm myself down. He stayed up really late just to help me with my assignments. When my mom got into the hospital he was there for me and provided me with unexpectedly financial support. All of which my ex-boyfriend would never mind. I can't even start loving someone else and all I want right now is just him. Am I so selfish in this situation? I just really really miss him and want him back so badly. He still stays that he wants me in his life and he wants to fix everything but he just doesn't know how. I just hope that he means it's possible for us to get back together in the future. I have been losing my sanity and I just really need help.

I've been in my relationship for five years now. Everything was great at first. For the first year we were long distance and made a real effort when we saw each other. I moved to be with him after a year and that's when the trouble started. We hardly ever have sex these days, maybe four times a year if I'm lucky. I've tried talking to him about it in the past, but he refuses to see there's a problem and always said things would get better and that we would be fine. He won't go to a doctor or a counsellor. In the past I've thought it was a porn addiction problem, and it might still be, but I think we just have wildly different sex drives and he's become lazy and complacent in the relationship. I've stood in front of him naked and he says he doesn't feel anything. We used to argue about it all the time, but I don't have the energy to anymore. I think I've checked out. What I used to think was normal I'm starting to realise really isn't - weekdays we get home from work, one of us cooks and we eat together, but then he goes up into his office to game until 10, when he comes down we spend an hour together before bed. We never go to bed together, he'll then go back to his computer, and he always gets up before me so I feel as if I'm sleeping alone every night. For the few hours we do spend together we don't hold hands or touch each other or even kiss passionately, it's just a peck on the lips. It's not enough for me, but I'm scared of missing all the good things we do have. He is very supportive of my job and things I do outside of work, he's there when my mental health is low, he shares the cooking and jobs around the house, but I feel like we're just friends. I'm 33 and would really like a family one day, but if we ever did manage to get pregnant with our lack of sex I'm worried I'd be doing most of the work. I know sex isn't everything in a relationship, and I'm questioning should I throw away what we do have for intimacy? I would like someone to look at me occasionally like they really want me and to be told I'm beautiful, but I don't know if I'm asking too much from life.

I met this guy about a year ago during my Christmas holiday with my family to my first home country. He and I became close friends just after meeting him (we have a lot in common) and I already knew he had a girlfriend. But I never thought I would have a crush on him. We would always talked even when I went back to the second home country and play till it was very late for him. Fast forward after few months later (we didn't talk much in those few months as I got back with my bf but broke up again after returning to my first home country), we started hanging out more and eventually fell for him again. But a friend told me not to fall for him anymore because he has a girlfriend and I would get hurt, even if he thinks me and the guy are good for each other. Side note: I support and respect his relationship and I never thought or ever want to interfere in their relationship. Eventually, I had to keep my distance from him because I know I don't have any chance with him, but I also don't want to lose the friendship between me and him. And had moved on from him for another few months until the feelings came back. Ever since my feelings for him came back, he became very close. Like close enough to hold or touch me all the time and play with my fat (I'm a chubby person). Especially if we hang out at my friends place, we would watch movies in their bedroom and he would lay beside me. I also notice how close he is to me. But I couldn't or don't want to assume anything. Whenever we would hang out together, he would ask to carry my bag or carry whatever I am holding (it's the sweetest thing, I mean I know some guy does this but he only asks me and not my girl best friend). Moving forward around present time, he became more and more affectionate or like wanting to cling on me. I know it's somewhat normal for guy friends to be leaning on each other or clingy to each other with no meaning, but I felt it was different to him because he does it only towards me and not our guy friends nor my best friend. Here's some signs I thought was off (didn't seem right for me cause he has a gf): Whenever we would take a bus, he would sit more close to me while I distant myself from him but still close the gap between me and him, especially if it is with me and my best friend. He would sometimes play with my hair or like pull it (not hard though). He asks what I want to eat when we go to my friends place because he does the cooking, but he never asked my friend what he wants to eat. He replies or seen my messages but not my friend's message. He would buy me something or pay for my transportation even if I have money to pay. Another day of our hang out, we went to watch another movie at my friends house in the bedroom. There are three beds, but two beds are in front of the tv. The guy and my friend was sitting on the middle bed comfortably while I had the other bed to myself until he moved to my bed and asked me to scoot to the corner of the bed. When he went on the bed, he was leaning on me or he was very close to me, I don't know if it is just because he can't see because there was a table in between the bed me and the guy were on and on the other bed my other friends were on but it was too close that I didn't have anymore space on my side. Skipping forward towards to where the movie almost finishes, he sat up where I couldn't see the tv so I shifted my body to his side of the bed to see what's happening and he lays down on me hold me and wrestling me but it didn't hurt, it was kinda gentle and but still holding me strong (ps, he was shirtless).

I am a 24-year-old female in a relationship with a 23-year-old male. We live together with his mum but are moving out as soon as we have the money. We have been together for coming up to two years. We were originally long distance as we are from different countries and we visited most months. Our sex life was incredible from the beginning. We are so sexually compatible and it was so fulfilling. However, recently he has had such a low sex drive and mine is usually high that it is becoming a problem for me. He is stressed at work and has been feeling very anxious lately, so he says he is not in the mood. I try to initiate sex and he says that he is too tired or too hot or too stressed and always says later or tomorrow but I know he won’t. He never initiates sex or touches me sexually anymore – well, very rarely. I have tried everything. I’ve tried making myself look sexier, suggesting we do things I know he’s wanted to try, only initiated when he hasn’t got work or when we’re home alone all day and he has no need to be stressed and isn’t tired. When he is in the mood it is how it has always been, really passionate and intense but it just isn’t often enough to satisfy me. Lately, my self-esteem has been so dreadful. I’ve started getting jealous and paranoid which is not like me at all. I can’t stop dreaming about him and his best friend's girlfriend. She wears more makeup and more revealing clothes than me and we went to a party and he confided in her about his anxiety (he said he said it super casually). She cried to him and he comforted her but they were in her closet, and then they were gone for over half an hour. I didn’t know where they were and then they came back in the room laughing and he was wearing some of her clothes, like her dresses and stuff, and one of his other friends she had dressed up that night too. He is insecure about his body to me, yet he will get undressed in front of her. Also, he told me that when they were getting him dressed, she told him, “Don’t go looking in the drawers” and told him she had loads of dildos and sex toys... I’ve been going crazy thinking about this and having bad dreams where he cheats on me. I explained that our lack of sex is affecting my self-esteem and he seemed frustrated by me. I’m worried that if I try to discuss it with him that I will push him away. Everything else in our relationship is perfect and I’m so happy with him. He is so affectionate with me still and tells me I’m pretty and hugs and kisses me but I am a very sexual person. I need it to feel connected and close to who I am with. I’m not sure what I should do. Does anyone have any advice on how I should banish these delusional thoughts and also try to rekindle his sex drive?

I'm seeing someone I really like. I'm a 23 year old male and he's 33 years old. The thing is, it's really early days and though we get on when we are together, there is a distance between us in terms of where we live. He's really funny and cheeky and just the type of person that brings my confident side out. But when we aren't together I don't really bring myself across as a calm person. I can come across too strong and its really hard to express oneself over WhatsApp instant messaging. I just fear I could lose something that I've probably needed. I have bad trust issues, which stems from a rape that happened to me as a young person. I just need some advice on how not to come across too strong with him when we're not physically together. Thanks.

Hi everyone, I am 19 years old and am in a four month relationship with a guy who I met online on a dating site. I had never been in a relationship before and felt like I was missing something, and even though I'm only 19, I am mature and don't "get along"with many guys my age, we are on just different levels mentally.. My boyfriend is 24 years old, but age here is not the problem. He is here on a tourist visa and didn't even know he wanted to stay here until he met me..he always tells me I am the main reason he is staying here. Even though it’s sweet and all, this does make me feel guilty, since if something were to happen to the relationship, like the guilt would be all on me. Another thing is the culture difference…he acts very different in public, since he is foreign (Israeli) to be exact, and sometimes I just feel like it wouldn’t work out because we are so different. I also feel like I went with my initial feelings and fell too deep into this relationship since he is technically temporarily here and my feelings can also be compromised. I am torn apart sometimes and people tell me he may just be using me for documents…I am not naive and know this can always be a possibility, but we have talked about it and so far he hasn’t done or said anything to make me feel like he is using me. I am not planning on getting married to him any time soon. To me it looks like he really loves me, but I also know this can all be a show and I can be blinded by it. He treats me good, always takes me places, gives me gifts, we talk every day and see each other often. The only thing is he always likes girls pictures on instagram and follows these inappropriate pages…I don’t know what to even tell him regarding this. I think its annoying but this is just another problem. So I know I listed a bunch of problems with this guy, but what drew me to him is the fact that we can have interesting conversations and he seems sensitive, he is different from the guys I am used to being around and I like it. But honestly I feel so torn in this relationship, like I'm wasting both of our time and nothing will come of it and he will hate me for wasting his time in the end. At the same time I am afraid of losing him, because he really is a sweet guy who gives me attention I’ve never had before (perhaps this is another reason I'm attracted to him)???? I know it sounds selfish (the attention part), but I do have other feelings for him. I am just a mess of emotions right now, any advice would be appreciated. Thanks!

I'm 50 and have a long distance boyfriend who I adore and who loves me. Our 3 years relationship is great. We are engaged and applying for a prospective marriage visa. As I said we are doing really good however yesterday while making our usual video call he said to me that I looked very tired that he could see this huge bags under my eyes and with that comment I felt very hurt I almost cried, I felt so unwanted old and ugly. I have told him how bad I feel when he tells me about my physical changes due to age:( Is it just me?? Should I not feel this way??? Any advice on this issue would be appreciated

Just a question about my relationship with my boyfriend I have that's left me lost. I recently posted a question I had about him due to feeling distanced and feeling avoided by him but we worked that out and I told him I needed some time to cool off because what had happened was really driving me insane and was stressing and frustrating me too much. He agreed that I could leave to calm myself down but then when I came back he'd try making some time for me and making changes that we had spoken about. So now after two days of just keeping to myself trying to clear my mind, I see him online and I message him (and please bear in mind that this was 3am his time). Our conversation didn't last long, but I did have the belief that he'd be happy to see me but it turns out it didn't really matter too much. He was just playing games all night long. Now here's the thing: when we're on good terms and we spend time together and he has to do something he makes sure to leave exactly on the dot and he plans time in advance to be able to do those things, he organises well. But now that we haven't been together much lately he seems fine to just lose time and stay up all night just playing games as if that's the only thing he has to do. And please also keep in mind that after a couple days of no communication with him, I message around 3am his time and the conversation is so dry and only lasted a couple minutes and at the end he didn't even respond to say anything, he just ignored me and kept playing for another 2 hours until he decided to go offline and go to bed. He always has time for everything else except me and when I tell him that he tries to convince me and says no that's not true. I don't even know how to explain what I feel. Another thing that I should probably mention is that I helped him find God. He has been attending church regularly and he's truly engrossed by everything to do with God. He even tries reaching out to people as much as he can and spreading the word of God and I'm truly grateful that He does that. But sometimes when I think about that I wonder.. 'How does he attend church, read the Bible, pray, speak to memebers of the church, try his best to live for God and not understand that he's hurting people around him. How doesn't he understand that it's hurtful and kind of rude to just ignore someone? Is his games so much more important than me?' I know he'd say no but I feel sometimes that he loves me just by word of mouth because his actions speak differently to me at times. He can make time for his family, for errands, for friends, for anything. Just not for me. And if he does, I get a few minutes of conversation that he isn't even really into and just end up being ignored. For the time being, I'm just gonna leave him alone and let him come to his senses, I think I'm done with always having to remind him and being stuck in a loop of the same things. But is there any way I can approach him or do something to make him wake up? I'm so sick of having to always be on the receiving end of this and I just don't know what else to do to get through to him.