This is probably going to be a long one, so I apologise in advance. My partner and I have been dating for just other a year now, we live around 300 miles away from each other and we both have our trauma and scars from past relationships. His trust issues are significantly worse than mine and it's become an issue that has been being dealt with the whole time we've been together and it seems like we're not really going about it the right way because it isn't getting any better.
I want to start this whole post by saying I truly have never ever felt more loved or cared about in my entire life, he is forever complimenting me, telling me how much he loves me and wants to spend his life with me, marry me and grow old. I truly don’t think he’s a bad person, his heart is in the best place which is why I’ve tried so so hard for the last year to try and help, but I don’t know what else to do at this point.
The trust issues obviously aren’t helped by being so far away, but they’re most apparent when it comes to other people. My best friend, who I’ve known for nearly 12 years, was the most recent target of them. He doesn’t like her, which is fair enough, but I don’t think that’s the reason. I went for a little walk with her about a week ago (she’s my support bubble and our walk was socially distanced, don’t worry!) and the whole time he was so unhappy, we argued for most of the day. He said to me he wasn’t happy about me going out with her because he (and I quote) “doesn’t like her” or “the way she treats me” but I truly think it was because I went out in general.
Every time I talk to anyone, he’ll find a reason not to like them, some of the reasons he’s given are; “They’re flirting with you” “you’re flirting with them” “they just want to shag you” “they’re just some random person, why are they talking to you?” (this one was in reference to a friend from work who was trying to help me out with a work issue) “They’re just using you” and “They only want you when they have nobody else”.
He’s outright admitted to me that he knows his behaviour is controlling, I bleach some of my hair and he took a tiff in his head because he doesn’t like blonde hair and we were being funny with each other for a whole week afterwards. He used to question me when I liked things the males had posted on social media (even if it was a meme) and if a certain person liked a few of my photos in a row on Instagram, he would ask me who they were and get annoyed that they were liking so many of my photos. This got so bad I ended up going through and blitzing my Facebook friends list and my followers on Instagram of males or people that liked a lot of my photos just to save arguments.
I pretty much only ever talk to him now and on the odd occasion they I get a message from someone else; I feel like I have to lie about it because he’ll get upset about it. The thing is I know that I’m not a very strong-minded person, I don’t care about myself in the slightest, so I’ll do whatever I can to help him and not care about the effect it will have on me. I regularly sent him screenshots of snapchat and instagram dm’s and messenger conversations to prove to him that I wasn’t cheating or being sly? Most of the time his response would just be that I could have deleted the stuff I didn’t want him to see...
He doesn’t drink and I do, so when lockdown is over and the pubs/clubs open again, I wanna go out for a drink and a dance but he even gets sad about that. I’m now at the point where I probably won’t go because I know it will upset him.
I just need some advice, what can I do? What can I say? How do I help him out? Because lord knows I’ve tried everything I can think of and it’s not helped so far.
Thank you so much in advance xx