I'm in love with my brother-in-law. I hate it. I feel so disgusted in myself. I'm a God fearing woman. I feel purely evil. The Bible teaches me to love my husband, be submissive. But I can't help it. For years my husband has been treating me bad. He often tells me how stupid I am, I'm a curse, I am a b***h. Doesn't see any good I do.

My husband is a good man, but more to others. And his brother is younger than him by 5 years, but still 9 years older than me. I felt I had feelings for him from the first time we met. I like the way he is protective towards me, I feel so alive and giddy when I know he is around. The way he looks at me I feel like I am home. We haven't done anything but we also don't touch when my husband is around.

My brother-in-law was down for the Xmas holidays from London and he gave me a hug. Whenever I think of it, it makes me cry. He gave me a kiss on my cheek on my wedding day and it felt we were alone in this world. I always wanted a man like my father and he is as quiet as my father, and also as firm and strong as him. He will stand up for me even against my husband.

I love my husband, please don't get me wrong. I would give my life for him. But I am so close to just giving it up, but I'm afraid. I have a son and in God's eyes it is a sin. This reminds me of Able when God said I can see sin in front of your door. But I love him. I love him so much it actually hurts. My Lord what do I do. Do I leave for the man that I have always wanted or do I stay with what You have given me. Or do I loose it all. I love him so much and I miss him.