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I fell for someone who has a boyfriend and we did things?

I fell in love with a friend that I met through a group chat. When I started to have feelings for her, I knew that this wasn’t going to end well, especially since she had a boyfriend. Several months passed and we became really close friends however, the closer we became the more we started to trust each other. One thing led to another and I felt guilty after that moment. We both pretend that it never happened. Several deep convos later she tells me that she was happy with me and that she considered me as a partner at one point, but she wanted to be with her boyfriend. I understood, but I knew that I couldn’t stay friends with her, especially since I only saw her as some one I loved. So, I disassociated from her and our friends.

After a cruel, few months, we started to talk again. She was worried and wanted to know if I was okay. At this point I was so afraid of her because of my past guilt, that I told her how I felt. It pained her to hear that. She never wanted me to feel that way, and to hear me say that caused her to avoid talking to me. After a few more conversations, we began talking again, similarly to before. It wasn’t until a month later that we got really close again. This time however, I told her how I felt before we made another mistake.

She cried, because she knew, but she didn’t want to believe it. It made her feel worse because she believes that she forced me to always be with her and to talk to her when I probably didn’t want too. She blamed herself for everything and because of that she feared of losing everything. After hearing that, I hugged her. I embraced her so tight and I told her that I always care for her, and that I was always happy to be with her. After embracing for at least 40 minutes, we both wanted more. Almost 2 hours have passed, I drive her back home and attempted to air out the humid car. This happened again only two days later, and ever since then we stopped as she wanted to be with her boyfriend since he returned.

The question I want to ask is, is this right? Because even though she loves her boyfriend and wants to be with him, whenever he leaves for work/military (usually gone for 2-3 weeks) she begins to get closer to me again. I did told her that I’ll be there for her especially since we’re good friends now, but I don’t think this is fair for any of us, especially for the boyfriend who is going to leaving for an entire year!

In all honestly, I believe the best course of action is for her to be honest with her boyfriend. Because if anyone found out, it will end very badly. I want to know if I can change anything before he leaves once again. I would love it if someone is able to help me out on this one.

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