“He is in a controlling relationship”
I met an amazing guy a few months ago through a mutual friend who I did not think I would have such a strong emotional connection to. Since I knew early on that he had a girlfriend, I avoided him, ignored his messages, etc. But he was too persistent and eventually I ended up replying to a message one day that ended up becoming a two-month-long conversation.
We talked all day everyday about anything and everything, something I've never been able to do with anyone- sharing very deep, personal stories about our lives (stuff he hasn't even felt comfortable sharing with his girlfriend). The amount of common interests we share is insane, with music interest being a huge one (we stay up late nights sometimes sending music to each other back and forth) and when we met in person for the first time after about a month of chatting through texts, the human interaction and the chemistry between us was indescribable, like we had known each other all our lives.
Despite all of these amazing traits, he is unfortunately still in a relationship with his girlfriend of two years (on and off) and I know right off the bat the first thing that comes to mind is "How do you know he's not going to do the same to you" and "He's a cheater what are you doing" and so on. I've heard it all and trust me, I've thought about it all.
But I think this situation is a little more unique than what is traditional of cases like this as in he has fallen out of love with her and wants to break up with her but feels as though he is literally trapped in his situation. For one, his girlfriend is very emotionally manipulative, often using her mental health against him. He has tried twice to end things with her but got back together after fearing that she was going to kill herself and since he still cares about her, he worries.
Second, her mother offered him a space to live in their house for this academic year due to his landlord bailing on his lease. He lives two hours away from his campus while his girlfriend and her mom only live 15 minutes away. He is trying to end things with her in a way that won't screw him over and I get it that might make him sound like he's mooching off of her but I understand it's a sticky situation for him to be in.
Yes, she has done a lot for him like offering him housing, but with how important school is for him as well as how much he wants to relieve the financial barriers on his single mother, dealing with the daily fights with his girlfriend and putting up this front to her is worth it I guess.
To cope, he began working long days and late nights after already long days of classes to minimize interactions and the opportunities for arguments to ensure with his girlfriend, recently he said another reason for doing this, was to give him the space to get to talk to me (since she is also very obsessive over him and does not allow him to talk to other people, oftentimes even his own best friends).
He says meeting me has been one of the most amazing things that have ever happened to him and he's spoken of future plans with me, I am still unsure of when he plans on breaking up with her though. He also drove over 5 hours to see me for a weekend for the second time we met up in person since he lives one state over, which I thought was an insane drive to make for just anyone. There is so much more to this situation that I would like to detail out that would more or less "outweigh" the surface-level situation of a man essentially cheating on his girlfriend, and I do genuinely feel sick to my stomach at times even thinking about it.
But I felt like I got roped in and because of my weak heart and the heavy weight of the connection that formed, I fell for him. However, since the amazing weekend we spent together, he slowed down and since a couple weeks ago even cut off communication with me. I noticed he was often leaving my messages open so I started to communicate shortly. Final exam week was right around the corner so naturally we were both stressed and busy, but even after the semester ended I did not hear from him, except for a couple of comments on my snapchat stories here and there.
He actually regularly watches my social media (snapchat stories, likes my instagram photos, etc). I am not sure what to do at this point since we have not spoken about this silence or anything really in almost 4 weeks. It is the holiday season as well and I figured I would just leave him alone since he will probably be busy tending to Christmas events with not just his family but her family as well. But it still upsets me to see how distant we randomly got for no reason, or at least no reason that I can think of, especially when things were going so well.
emotional affair, controlling