Perhaps you've always thought it would be simple. Your partner has destroyed your trust and you should walk away. However, when faced with the cold hard reality – rather than what you might have imagined doing – it all seems more complicated. There's the children to consider, your already-stretched finances and, deep down, you still love your partner… but staying hurts so much. Alternatively, it's not one thing but years of disappointment and trying to make your relationship work on your own that has worn you down. You thought that you'd 'just know' when enough was enough but it's not that simple. Although you don't really want to leave, you're frightened of wasting even more time and emotional energy on a relationship that could be going nowhere. So how do you cut through the confusion and make a decision one way or the other? In my twenty-five years as a marital therapist, I find people get stuck in the ’should I stay or should I go?’ trap because they are looking at their relationship like a judge: guilty or not guilty. However, it is better to be like a doctor: how healthy is this relationship and can it still be saved? So how do you make a full diagnosis? Look at the following five questions: 1. Are you concentrating on what your partner has done rather than why? When a relationship is in crisis, it's easy to catalogue your partner's bad behaviour or many faults. However, it is much harder to stop and ask why he or she has done something. If you do, it's easy to come up with one damming reason: ‘he doesn't love me anymore’, or ‘she wants to hurt me’. But look at your own motivations for something. There are nearly always a multitude of interlocking reasons for doing anything – some positive, some defensive, and some angry. However, while we're prepared to give ourselves the benefit of the doubt – that basically we're good people doing good things - we can view our partner in very black or white terms. Could he or she be frightened (and like a cornered animal lashing out)? Could he or she be desperately unhappy (and doing things, however stupid, to feel better even though they make matters worse)? If the answer is yes – then there's still hope for your relationship. If when you look at why rather than what, the answer is your partner is a serial perpetrator of domestic violence, you should most probably leave. 2. Why do your arguments just go around in circles? Most relationships fail not because couples are wrong for each other but because they don't know how to argue properly. Fortunately, good communication skills can be learned. Start by solving small niggles – like how your partner loads the dishwasher – as solving them will give you confidence to tackle bigger ones. Stay with one topic at a time and resist the temptation to throw in, for example, ‘leaving dirty clothes on the floor’ and ‘dirty cups on the coffee table’. It will help if you deal with problems as they occur rather than allowing them to build up and letting everything come out as an angry torrent. Alternatively, the problem might be that you're convinced you're right and your partner is wrong. No wonder neither of you will back down! Instead, imagine –even for a second – that there are lots of ways of doing something, and discuss the alternatives. 3. Have you really tried everything? It might seem you've explored all the possibilities but most people have simply used the same failed strategy over and over again - just bigger and bigger. For example, shouting louder or sulking for longer. Sometimes, they throw in another strategy – ignoring the problem (hoping it will go away) or persuading themselves it doesn't matter (and becoming resentful). These might work in the short term but cause despair and relationship break-down. Instead try the flop flip technique. Take the 'flop' behaviour and 'flip' it over, ie do the opposite. Ultimately, it doesn't matter what you try. Anything is better than the same old rut and getting the same old response. 4. Are you confusing thoughts with feelings? Feelings are emotions like happy, sad, angry, frustrated and numb. They are often located somewhere in our body - like fear in the pit of our stomach. While thoughts are opinions, beliefs or expectations and are located in our heads. Feelings are often telling us something and should be listen to, whereas thoughts can be based on incomplete evidence or poor logic and should be challenged (rather than accepted as the gospel truth). Most importantly, feelings burn themselves out. It is impossible to be angry forever. Even in the worst times, another feeling will come along (if only for a few minutes). For example, we can still laugh in the middle of infidelity. However, thoughts can last to our dying day. For example: ‘He should have told me he was unhappy rather than seeking comfort from another woman’. Unfortunately, many people confuse their thoughts and feelings by putting ‘I feel’ before a statement. For example: ‘I feel you're in the wrong’. Not only does this increase the stakes but makes you feel even more stuck. 5. Do you have enough love to give without getting anything back – at least in the short-term? If you have children and they're arguing, you don't go into all the rights or wrongs but ask one of them to the ‘big one’ and make the first move towards reconciliation. In effect, this fifth question is the key one. If you still love your partner enough to be the ‘big one’, then your marriage can most probably be saved. If all you can think is ‘after what he's done’ or ‘what she's said’, then either it's too soon after a nasty discovery (and you're still in shock) or your marriage is truly over. However, I'd like to think that just the fact that you've searched for and found this article means that you do want to change your relationship and that means there's still hope.

This article was written by Prof. Janet Reibstein, a psychologist and Professor in the School of Psychology at the University of Exeter. The views expressed in this article are not necessarily shared by Click or OnePlusOne.   Unsurprisingly, many couples argue about flirting and fancying others. You don’t start affairs without fancying. It’s a firmly held belief that partners should command each other’s sexual attention. But how far that ‘attention’ extends is not well defined; it's not always clear what constitutes an ‘affair’. When does fancying someone else or giving off sexual signals in a relationship even without physical contact, constitute danger or betrayal? But clamping down unnecessarily courts a different sort of disaster. I once was on a forum with a clergyman, who gamely confessed that women assumed that because he was a married vicar, that that meant he wasn’t sexually alive. When he flirted, they were shocked. Plaintively, he cried, ‘I may be a married vicar, but I still have eyes, and I’m not dead from the neck down! I’d never have an affair but these are two different things!’ It’s my reading – of both research and clinical data — that what seems at stake around flirting are two things: whether you are ‘enough’ to keep your partner and insecurity about the relationship’s future. We’re deluged with sensuality in our culture, reminding us that most are still alive from the neck down and most have eyes to see others - who are also sexual. So, that’s part of normal interactions. And if we like the person we’re talking to, and he or she also pleases our senses, that inescapably confirms our own sensuality. If we try to ignore this (the vicar would argue we can’t), it might mean we also ignore our basic sensuality. That affects our partnerships. In Esther Perel’s book, Mating in Captivity, she cites research showing that over time most couples get into a sexual rut, and argues that couples can redress this partly by making their sex lives conscious and deliberate. One way, she recommends, is to observe each other’s sensual effects on others: to give permission to flirt. As you do, you become aware of your own power to attract as well as your partner’s. It does mean we need to be alert to boundaries though. But what are acceptable ones? Boundaries make people secure. By establishing them, you make things explicit, agreeing what makes you secure, and why. Talking about boundaries clarifies why you’re scared, what sets it off, and why. You reassure each other, redefining activities that might have set off feelings of insecurity in the past but don’t have to any more. For instance, if your ex-boyfriend’s flirting led to infidelity, you are likely to feel threatened when your partner flirts. But if you are reassured of his fidelity to you and that he still finds you attractive you may find over time that ‘flirting’ needn’t mean ‘affair’. By being open, you also undermine the damaging role secrecy plays in flirting. Talking intimately about sensuality can also invite sensuality into the relationship. Talking to establish boundaries can reassure both of you that there’s nothing concealed, or to conceal. Flirting is undeniably dangerous: it can be heady and therefore lead to a wish for more. The implication of shared sexual desire for another does challenge a committed partnership and so as it grows there is usually a wish for concealment. But if you conceal or exclude your partner from your activities with others you might fancy, two things happen: firstly, you are signalling something suspicious is occurring and secondly you are defining your flirting as unacceptable to the partnership. When Perel suggests openly flirting she’s pointing to a couple talking honestly with each other, finding a way to bring into the relationship excitement that occurs outside it. That can’t happen with secrecy. That’s why talking and reaching common understandings is central to establishing boundaries. Central are the ‘meanings’ of flirting or fancying. If the meaning you give to your partner’s attraction to someone else is that they are less attracted to you — you’ll feel threatened. If the meaning you give to flirting is betrayal, trust in your partner and your future together will be undermined. But if, as the vicar suggests, fancying others means you’re sensually alive while still a faithful partner, you can feed sensual life back into your relationship.

Sorry, it’s long! I am 37, separated with no kids and my boyfriend is 31, separated, with two kids from his ex-wife and his first born from a relation he had prior to meeting his ex-wife. We started dating nine months ago… First two weeks were like a fairy tale then he had to leave for work (he works offshore on four weeks rotation). We kept in contact when he was away, and video called each other every day. He came back and we went for a short holiday together, it was when he said I love you first (after just seven weeks). We seemed to be so intertwined with each other. We gave a lot of attention to each other, missed each other etc… It was such a lovely period where we were both falling in love with each other like crazy. He seemed very happy and according to him, the happiest he’s been as he finally found an understanding, beautiful woman who he can be open with. Before we met, after he separated from his wife (he separated seven months before he actually met me, and it was from her side, she stopped loving him, and he was totally devastated) he started going out with his sister (40) and her best friend (48) who is also a family friend. This woman and my bf had built a certain bond between them and they became ‘special friends’. I knew about her and the first time I actually met her during a family wedding, two months into dating, I immediately felt/realised she liked him from the way she greeted me, which was a ‘hi’ and she turned away. When I asked him about it he said that she does have a soft spot for him, but they are just friends. I accepted it and It stopped there. I never told him not to message her or anything… she was just a female friend and he seemed to be head over heals in love with me. Roll on five months from the beginning of our relationship and he went for a guys’ night out with his boy-friends. At a point, in the beginning of the night, he sent me a selfie of him with his two boy-friends, on a table at this particular lounge/restaurant drinking Rose wine. The following day I asked him how the night has been and he briefly explained the night; at a point just mentioned they bumped into his sister and her friend. Five days later I see a picture on FB of his sister with her friend, dining at the same place as him, having rose wine as well, possibly on the same table. I asked him about it and there is where all the lies came coming out. At first he told me they bumped into them and decided to dine with them and later he said that he found out last minute his sister was going out to the same place so decided to join them. (1. please note that this is a busy restaurant and it’s not easy to go and get a table for 5 without reservation, 2. If he had planned to have a guys’ night out, I don’t think it’s on for him to do last minute changes and meet his girl-friends together with his mates) Then, even the details of the night were getting different from what he had briefly explained. I couldn’t believe him and was thinking that he deliberately hid from me since there was this ‘special’ friend of his. He kept on insisting that they are just friends and nothing ever happened between them. Two weeks later he ‘confessed’ after I told him to tell me the truth, that they had agreed upon this night only a day before and he did not tell me because 1. I had other plans anyway, 2. They were planning to go clubbing (just the boys) after they’re done from this lounge. I decided to believe him but my instinct knew there was something I don’t know. When I asked why he didn’t tell me immediately that they met them and dined on the same table and he even sent a picture misleading me, he told me that his ex-wife was very jealous and not understanding and he would hide to her in order not to create any arguments. So, his first reaction was that of hiding, even though there was nothing. After that night, I met this woman twice. First time during a family picnic where she tried to make a fool out of me, being rude to me and ignoring me etc etc.. I spoke to him about it and he got the excuse that she’s like that with everyone especially until she gets to know a person. Then I met her again on his mum’s birthday dinner, we were only five of us on a table and again she totally shut me out. Especially since these incidents happened, I wasn’t happy, I was getting more and more anxious, feeling that there is/was something I really need to know. I asked him to tell me what there is/was between them several times and he always insisted there’s nothing but they’re just good friends. At one point he told me she finds him very hot, another time he told me that they had mutually agreed that they cannot possibly be with each other, at other times he tells me that he isn’t even attracted to her. I couldn’t believe him, I was hearing too many contradictions and lies. For the past 3 months, whenever her name comes up, I used to ask him about her, hear ‘lies’ and get anxious. He couldn’t keep up with my anxiety because it was because of him. He was telling me that there is nothing else that I don’t know and to please stop talking about her as there really is nothing, that this is getting out of hand and that he had nothing else to say or do about her to reassure me. I tried to shut up as much as I could, even though my anxiety was killing me. I wasn’t trusting him. I didn’t want to push him away, nagging about the same thing, but then I couldn’t hold it any longer. Last week I was really anxious and after a conversation about her, I asked him to show me her chats! At first he did not want to, he told me that if he does so, he’s going to resent me, then he told me that by doing so he would go down the same road he was with his wife, and finally he told me ‘ok, I’ll show them to you, but not now, when you are calm because now you will interpret everything wrong.’ He then tried using his mobile, telling me that he’s just scrolling and didn’t want me near him. I knew he was trying to delete messages… At a point I snatched it from his hand and I found out very playful conversations, not every day, but with sexual innuendos. He sent him her selfies and he sent her his pictures including shirtless pics with his abs showing. He told her stuff like, ‘sexy and a naughty devil’s icon’ after one of the selfies. Or once she said something after he sent her a shirtless pics and then he went ‘and I haven’t even touched you’. Or she sends him ‘missing you’ or ‘thinking of you’ or she sends him loads of hearts and kisses and stuff. These mainly happened during the first 3 months of us together. One day, two months into our dating, she texted him in the morning ‘thanks for the surprise’ to which he answered ‘that was my plan, dear. I just landed in…. ’ He was on his way to work and I had just dropped him off at the airport and he had just left me a loving card on my bedside table before he left – when I asked him about it, he couldn’t even remember what the surprise was. It was also very clear there were some messages deleted but he kept on denying this. They also had a video chat on one particular night, when he was off-shore and he was feeling down. I also found out on the messages that they had agreed on that night out, a good 3 weeks in advance! I was mad and furious… I grabbed my bags and left! To be fair, these messages had stopped 3-4 months ago, when this thing of his night out happened and I was suspecting there’s something. Since then, there were only a couple of normal messages (one liners with no hearts and kisses). He is now trying to explain that there was absolutely nothing between them and that is just the way they talk and joke with each other. He told me that he had stopped everything the minute he thought he was going to lose me and he never told me the whole truth because he didn’t want to hurt me or lose me. He was afraid to tell me to go out with them because he knew how she is and wanted us (me and her) to get to know each other before we all go out together. He’s begging me to stay, telling me that he never cheated on me and that he loves me. That he never meant to hurt me and that he’s utterly sorry for what happened and for how he made me feel. He is not eating and sleeping. I told him I need to move on but deep down I don’t know what I should do. What is worrying me the most, is not the kind of relationship they had, even though those were not appropriate messages at all, but the fact that no matter how many times I asked him, no matter how bad with anxiety he used to see me, he never came clean about her. He lied and lied and was never vulnerable enough to come clean. If he did, I would have probably been mad for a short while, tried to understand and appreciate the fact that he’s owning up to his mistakes and perhaps I could see a real man in front of me. But now all I’m seeing is someone who was hiding from me and lying to me! These last three months, he stayed home because the company stopped all contracts and will resume work again in a month. He spent ALL evenings with me, including weekends – it was his decision not to go out with friends at night. We used to sleep together every night, either at his house or at my house. Sometimes he also drove me to work. We were inseparable. We loved being with each other. We did everything together. When he had his kids, once a week, we used to take all 3 of them out to nice places and spaces suitable for them, I loved them and they loved me. He loved that fact and told me plenty of times that I’m much of a better parent then their own mothers. He mentioned several times that he had never received such love and care from his gf and her family. Even though I was trying to build my trust back in him after that incident, I loved him with all my heart and so did my family. Our sex was great and he seemed very happy with me. He used the flaunt me with everyone and tell them I’m the apple of his eye. He told me that I’m now his life and that he won’t live without me. I am now so confused! What shall I do? Shall I forget and go back with him or shall I just move on? He promised me he wouldn’t talk to her anymore, even if it means he opt out of family do’s, because of her. But I’m scared. I’m scared he’d lie to me again if something else is to happen – not just with this woman. Also, I’m thinking that if there really was nothing, what he was doing was to get attention from another woman, which I don’t like, especially considering it was done during the first months, when we were falling in love with each other and when he was telling me the most beautiful of words. I think this is a huge sign of immaturity or that he’s a perv. I’m so confused… I don't think I should consider going back with him. Will I be able to ever trust him again??

Wow I can’t believe I’m writing this but I’ve got to get it off of my chest. I don’t want to hear any of the cliche responses, I’m already aware. Let’s start from the beginning, I met a man at a funeral on New Years Eve last year. I was with my husband and two children and he was with his girlfriend and child as well. We instantly connected somehow, even my son came over to him and just wanted him to hold him. So let’s fast forward to the actual burial, we briefly held hands and there was a spark, and not just a normal spark, it was the kind of spark that sent chills throughout my body. He also gave me his jacket and when I accidentally brushed against him there was just something. So two days later we connected on Facebook and started talking every single day for 2 weeks and we finally met this past Sunday, alone. I can’t help but wonder how I’m the world we can have such a strong connection that’s not just physical but also this really intense emotional connection as well. Both of us are confused because neither of us is really happy in our relationships and we have both tried to work things out with our significant other to no avail. I’m not really sure what to do, I can’t stop thinking about him and honestly just want him in my life. We recently discussed slowing whatever it is down until we figure out what is going on in our relationships because we both understand the repercussions of it. I’ve never been one to cheat and I understand this is an emotional affair at this point but I also believe everything happens for a reason. I’m so hurt and so confused. Please spare me from your negative comments.

I started dating this guy, we'll call him "Joe" about two years ago. For the first few months of dating, everything was great as it usually is in the beginning. I did notice that he had a lot of female friends on Facebook. I don't have a Facebook account, but he used to scroll through it on his phone with me next to him. One day, about a month or two into our relationship, he was at my house and received a call and spoke with a female friend of his who was in a female prison or halfway house. I tried not to listen in, but at the end of the call he said (right in front of me, not hiding anything) "I love you! Bye!" He then told me a sad story about this woman who had been his friend for decades, who had been incarcerated for holding drugs. He said that she didn't do anything wrong, and he "had no reason not to believe her." I think that is naive of him, but whatever. He told me they had never been romantically involved. He told me he was sending her some money, and that she was looking for an iPod or something for music. I had an old iPod, but it wasn't new enough for her, in his opinion. Over the next few months, he kept talking about her, explaining how they met, how his friend had dated her. He told me about her ex-husband and children. He told me how she'd looked the last time her saw her (how she looked like she was on drugs, etc.). When we were together for about five months, she was released. She messaged him through Facebook while we were at my house, and they had a little back and forth, exchanging numbers. He did say that he was "at his girlfriends house," and showed me her picture, saying she used to be prettier. Since then, he's completely stopped talking about her. I started noticing when we were scrolling through his Facebook that her name kept popping up in posts and messages, and he would quickly swipe them away. Fast forward to now - I bought a house, and he's moved in. He stopped looking at Facebook in front of me completely, and I asked a few times, but he always changed the subject. To note, he is chipping in 1/2 of everything financially, but not chore-wise. A few months ago, we were looking at YouTube videos on his phone, and an alert popped up about a Facebook message from her. He made an offhand comment to the affect that "she sends me crude photos and videos." Now here is where I did the wrong thing. I checked his Facebook from his computer, where he was always logged in. I saw such disgusting videos of naked women, references to dildos, oral sex, etc. coming in direct messages from her. I confronted Joe, under the guise of him telling me that she was sending him crude photos and videos, and asked him to tell her to stop since I didn't like it. He flipped out, changed the subject, and then said he'd delete his Facebook account. I told him I didn't want him to delete his account, just tell her to stop the filthy messages. He said he wouldn't do that, he'd just delete his account. He's since re-activated his account. BUT he hides it 100% from me, doesn't get any alerts at all on his phone anymore. I horribly looked at his computer, and he's not logged in anymore, but when he looks at his email in bed I see his notifications from Facebook, which he quickly swipes away. I've asked him several times about her, why I haven't met her if she's such a good friend, and he says that its because she lives 2 hours away. We've visited people 3 hours away, 17 hours away, etc. I'm ready to end this over someone I've never even met. Not because I think he's cheating physically, but because he won't be honest with me. Am I being unreasonable?

Two years ago, I became great friends with someone I met through work. A year into our friendship, it became more and we started an affair. We are the same age, both married, and have been for over 25 years each. We both have children. For my part the intimacy in my marriage disappeared about nine years ago and although on the whole we get along I have missed the sex and have often felt sad and lonely. For years I tried to repair and discuss our issues but now I have lost the desire for my husband which I suppose lead to the affair. I can honestly say that I wasn't looking for anything outside of my marriage. I just shut down the feelings I had. When the affair began I confess to having very little guilt about sharing my body with someone new. Sex happened only a handful of times in the first six months and not at all from then on but I quickly fell in love. I never made any demands on him to leave his wife and family. I honestly would have continued happily as we were. However, for my lover, the guilt was to much and after 12 months I ended it as I couldn't bear to see his emotional struggle any longer. I'm struggling to cope with the loss of the relationship which is not helped by him wanting to stay friends. I now feel such a myriad of emotions – grief, loss, anger, jealousy and finally guilt. It took its time but there it is. However much I try to move on and forget him, I cannot seem to. The loss of my friend is such a physical pain that I sometimes feel I might curl up and die from it. I keep trying to look at the situation from outside with as rational a view as I can and whilst I know my faults and his it doesn't seem to take away the grief I feel. I haven't shared any of this with another living soul except for him which is why I'm on here I guess. I don't know what I'm looking for, possibly absolution or advice on how to move forward? Please be kind, I don't know if I could cope with outside hate, it's pretty tough from the inside already.

Recently I found out my wife has been in quite inappropriate conversation with another man, i seen their chat pop up while using her laptop and the content of one message was out of order so i clicked to read further into this. It had been going on 3 months or so and very sexual chats and even some non revealing but teasing photos had been sent. He was leading most of it but recently she seemed to be enjoying it more and playing along (she sent the photos) he kept asking for more revealing photos and she was teasing along. It took me a while but i eventually confronted her about my disgust and i tried to be reasonable and understanding and asked was something missing from our relationship. I had on many occasions felt we were missing something and a few times asked her and she kept saying all was fine. After talking to her about this she admitted she is a bit bored and the younger man made her feel good and it was flattering, she agreed it was inappropriate and promised me it would stop. A few weeks passed and all seemed great but i walked in one day of her taking a close up of her cleavage lying in bed. She quickly passed it off and denied it. She has moved all messaging to snapchat so no history is available and she guards her phone closely which was never really a thing before. I feel its still happening but don't know how to confront her again in case i come across as possessive and controlling as I'm sure she will accuse me of this. We have always been a very open and trusting couple and this leaves me heartbroken and i feel I've lost trust in her since this but I don't want to be watching over my shoulder the whole time. I feel betrayed even though by the messages nothing has happened physically ( well at least not up to a few weeks ago) but i really tried to be understating to make things work and feel she played along and made me feel she would stop to save any further conversation as she has never been into having relationship chats. Is the snapchatting her workaround so I don't find out or am i being paranoid. Her job leaves her open to late nights away and he lives near her job and although I don't thinks anything has happened I'm fearful it can easily under the circumstances as its normal for her job to have her in late and different times each night. I think if it is still going on i will lose all trust and not want to be with her but we have kids and i adore them and i would lost without them. Any advice welcome and thanks in advance.

So recently my bf and i have had some problems. One night we where with our friends and he got drunk and said he thought about having sex with his “girl best friend”. This hurt me so much, I left and went to sleep, the next morning I had brought it up and he said it was a joke and it didn’t mean anything. But that night before I went to sleep, I snooped through his phone. I’m not one to typically do this vecuase it’s a huge invasion of privacy. However I’ve had some gut feeling telling me something wasn’t right. I looked through his texts with her and found some things that broke me. She had messaged him explaining how she wanted to be with him, and he told her I was his girl on the side.

An accident close to my house took out a light pole. After the power was off for an hour or so, I tried playing a couple games on my phone only to find I couldn’t play them without internet. My wife plays a lot of games on her iPad and cell phone. I sent her a text asking if she had a game on her old phone (Santa brought her a new one). I didn’t get a reply for some time. I powered up the phone. When phone came on, a lot of notifications came across the screen. I happen to see a male name and a partial message that the few words that showed seemed odd. I clicked on the conversation only to find 3 months’ worth of back and forth messages and nude penis pics and her replies of ‘looking good’ and other short texts that seemed very inappropriate on both sides. I immediately destroyed the phone because I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to control myself from going through the entire phone. I am so hurt and angry. I sent her a text telling her what I saw and she explained it as just friends and what she is not supposed to have friends?! I have a firm belief of what is right and wrong. Can someone please advise me on this? I can’t stop thinking about it and wondering about other texts she deleted to and from him. What did they contain? Is there more? I just don’t know if this is cheating. I don’t know if I am just a prude or what. I only know I would never have done anything like that. Sorry for the long-winded story and the bad grammar. My head is just cloudy. Thanks to everyone.

I’ve been in a relationship for around eight years. I love my partner but for the last six months or so I haven’t felt like I’m in love with her – we just feel like housemates. Our sex life has dropped right off, we just aren’t as intimate in general any more, and when we are it’s planned. There’s no spontaneity. That thing has just gone. We don’t really fight but when we do I always find it’s me trying to end the fights. I love her but definitely feel like I’m not in love with her anymore. There’s a girl I work with that I really hit it off with as soon as we met. Nothing was said for ages but you could cut the tension with a knife. Since then we have started talking a lot and really developed feelings for each and spoken about it. It’s made me really think that my current relationship is definitely over but I’m so confused. I’ve told my partner that I think I want to leave and that I’m not in love with her. Then got sad sitting around at home alone and we decided to work on things. The girl at work and I decided to cut things off until I work my things out and now I feel like I’m going through two breakups at once. I’m so confused, upset and anxious about everything and don’t know what to do. I feel like my relationship is definitely done but I’m so scared to end it. What if I’m making the wrong decision and blinded by love for someone else? Any advice please.

I've been with my boyfriend pretty much every since I was 15. I'm 21 now, almost 22. We've been through a lot, I know everybody says that but he's the only person that hasn't left me either from dying or just drifting apart. He's the only person I have left... but I'm not happy with the way our relationship is, or even him as a person. I haven't been for awhile but I've had to stay bc of our situation. He's bipolar so it's kind of been a rollercoaster that I've been wanting off of for 3 years. I was kinda hating life until,(let's call him) Jim. Jim is everything I want in someone.. should I even go on about all the things I love about him when it's unrealistic I'll ever actually get something like that? He's been open about the way he feels but I've been hiding the way I actually feel for obvious reasons. I think about him all the freaking time though, he's inside my head. I should mention that Jim and I weren't friends for very long before he realized he didn't want to be just friends, but we are still just friends.

I met this girl through a friend of mine and she was amazing. Of course she was hot so I instantly fell in love. We started talking and we eventually traded phone numbers and we have been FaceTiming every day all day for a week. She says she loves me and she smiles every time she sees me and I do the same. We hit it off pretty well but the only problem is that she has a boyfriend that she has been with for three years. She has cheated on him with me and she has told me that she has cheated on him in the past once as well. I simply don’t know what to do because I’m getting hurt every time they spend time with each other and also I’m getting hurt knowing that she has feelings for me and she loves me and I can tell but yet she’s not mine. Does anyone have any suggestions or thoughts of what I should do?

I have been with my girlfriend for five years now and she recently met some new people. I have become closer with one of the girls and have started messaging her. I feel like I have an instant connection with this girl and I feel like she understands me so much better than my girlfriend does. What makes it awkward is that they are sort of friends and I don’t know if they feel the same way or if I should even say anything because it may ruin my relationship with my girlfriend. I’m too confused.

I'm in love with my brother-in-law. I hate it. I feel so disgusted in myself. I'm a God fearing woman. I feel purely evil. The Bible teaches me to love my husband, be submissive. But I can't help it. For years my husband has been treating me bad. He often tells me how stupid I am, I'm a curse, I am a b***h. Doesn't see any good I do. My husband is a good man, but more to others. And his brother is younger than him by 5 years, but still 9 years older than me. I felt I had feelings for him from the first time we met. I like the way he is protective towards me, I feel so alive and giddy when I know he is around. The way he looks at me I feel like I am home. We haven't done anything but we also don't touch when my husband is around. My brother-in-law was down for the Xmas holidays from London and he gave me a hug. Whenever I think of it, it makes me cry. He gave me a kiss on my cheek on my wedding day and it felt we were alone in this world. I always wanted a man like my father and he is as quiet as my father, and also as firm and strong as him. He will stand up for me even against my husband. I love my husband, please don't get me wrong. I would give my life for him. But I am so close to just giving it up, but I'm afraid. I have a son and in God's eyes it is a sin. This reminds me of Able when God said I can see sin in front of your door. But I love him. I love him so much it actually hurts. My Lord what do I do. Do I leave for the man that I have always wanted or do I stay with what You have given me. Or do I loose it all. I love him so much and I miss him.

My wife is texting a co-worker who just got divorced after 24 years of marriage. They have been texting behind my back, talking long hours on the phone. He gave her a new phone after her phone broke. I kept my mouth shut after I found out that they are getting to close to each other, but one day after I refused having sex with her, told her I feel insecure, and she better explain to me what is going on. She said she will stop talking to him and texting him, but that was not my point. My point was whether I should trust her or not anymore. I know it sounds stupid but I'm the kind of person who never trusts after they have been fooled once! I asked her, "What have you been guys been talking about?" and her answer was "We talk about stupid stuff." I said, "If me and you talk about stupid stuff for more than 20 minutes, you will be bored and want to do something fun instead." I decided to leave her which I did for a couple months now, and never come back until she or he shows me what was the content of the text messages. Otherwise, there is no way I go back with her. Trust is not a game. She arranged a phone conference with me and the guy. He said that he does not keep his text messages and only the president of the United states can restore them and there was nothing going on between him and my wife anyway!!! Now we are on a divorce process and she seems not worried at all. She just put the blame on me.

Please answer my question. I know it's long but I am really in a very bad situation. I am a girl. I love a guy and he also loves me but he is in a relationship since 2 years with another girl. We all three know each other. Actually me and the guy came into contact because of our work and then we became very good friends and also started our business together. He was in a relationship and I was also in a relationship. Then i went through a breakup. At 1st we were very good friend and her girlfriend is also like a friend only but not as close as the guys was to me. Me and the guy are very much compatible with each other in every aspect even our career goals are also similar, our caste is also same (in our areas caste matters a lot) and I believe compatibility is a big factor for having feelings for each other and also proximity because of our work. It happens 5 months after my breakup (which was amicable), I got the hint that the guy is having feelings for me which he told me indirectly but i told him that i will never see you from that perspective as i was decided that i am never going to like a guy who is committed and also for other reasons. But later I fell for him and talked to him directly, we both confessed our feeling for each other. We both love each other so much. But later I realised that I confessed assuming that since he can like me even being in relationship it means he don't have feelings for her now so if he will know that I also like him he will breakup with that girl. And he never thought this kind of situation would arise because he thought I could never like him as I made it clear to him earlier. Now we are stuck in a situation where our work is involved. We both are co-founders of a 3 co-founding member organization and that girl is also doing volunteering with our organization. I also had good relations with her. They both are from different caste but the guy committed her to marry her way before he knew me and now his girlfriend do not want to breakup with him even though she knows about us, she is saying she will do something if he won't marry her and she has also conveyed the same thing to her family as her family used to be against their relationship because of their caste but now because of the girl's behaviour they are convinced and it is creating a pressure for this guy, he is stuck. Another problem is that a similar kind of situation happened with the girl's elder sister, she got married with a guy who was already married but they came to know about it just after marriage, so they divorced and she is married to someone else now but because of this case her family is scared that it might repeat with this girl also. I am also stuck because we know that we are perfect for each other but he is scared that if breakup with her she commit something bad it will ruin everyone's life including our family. And if he do not choose me then it will be very painful for us because we are in love at the same time it will affect our work/career because I feel like if he won't choose me I won't be able to be in contact with him which will cost our organization. He has requested me that if I don't choose you because of the situation, at least let's maintain our friendship as you are like my strength and I can't behave like that I don't know you and also because of our work but i think even if i try i won't be able to fulfill his this request if he won't choose me. Additionally, I am also getting pressure from my family because of my age but I am feeling stuck. I also feel guilty for that girl because i knew they were in relationship but I still have strong feelings for me and he also. Me and that guy is so stuck that it feels like our life will be ruined as everything is at stake from career to family.

I knew this guy from my friends. He's a friend to my friends. I've never met him in person yet, we just talk online. Since I live really far from my friends (different states but still in the same country), I can't always meet them. About this guy, he's really a shy person when I first know him. But now we become close, since we always hangout in discord, play games, watch movies and stuffs. He always text me first, ask about my days, reminds me to eat, jokes and sometimes silly flirty text, emojis, gifs. He compliments me, saying I'm pretty and cute. He's been really helpful with some stuffs and he also told me to tell him if I got any problems. He opens up about his past relationship and a about his life to me. He also follows my social medias account. I can sense a little bit of jealousy from him every time I mention other guys. He also mention that I should move in to their state, so we could hang out everyday. My friend that is really close to him tease us of being together. Not gonna lie but I kind of have this tiny bit feelings for him but I try not to show it a lot. Then someday, I REALISE HE IS IN A RELATIONSHIP! How do I know that? Well, when he share his screen, there's a text notification from his girlfriend. My anxiety kicks in. All this time, I've been playfully flirting, texting with somebody else's boyfriend. No wonder there's days he's feeling down and when I ask him what happen, 'he won't answer', because it's related to his girlfriend. I don't want to ruin someone else's relationship. I just gonna move on with this feelings even though it hurts so much.