I’m going to try to do a long story short here... my boyfriend and I met almost two years ago in Australia (I’m from the UK, he’s from Estonia). The first thing I noticed when I met him is that he didn’t seem like other guys and was very different to guys I’ve dated before. I’ve always trusted him and never had a reason not to. However, over time he started to act distant with me on occasions, more so when we went on holiday together in Fiji - he said it’s because he was trying to adjust from working hard to holiday mode... fair enough I guess. Due to his occasional distancing I started looking at his phone and never really found anything from what I saw. When we were making our way back to Europe from the UK, we went on holiday to the Philippines and I absolutely HATED the whole trip. He was very distant and short tempered with me, he wasn’t interested in actually spending time with me, he would spend his time doing activities alone. Generally just felt like we weren’t even a couple and it was breaking my heart. All for no apparent reason. Two weeks before we were due to fly home I checked his phone whilst he was in the shower and to my surprise... he had tried looking for a gorgeous surfer girl we met briefly on one of the islands we were staying on. He tried to find her on fb, Instagram and even did hashtags of the cafe she recommended to us and the yoga studio where me and her did a yoga class. He never spoke a word to this girl but he was clearly smitten and wanted to find her. Safe to say, I lost my sh*t. He said he just wanted to see what kind of a “lifestyle” she lives (lol). I had to forgive him for this because covid kicked in and we got stuck in the Philippines. I spent six whole weeks of crying myself to sleep, questioning my worth and asking myself why he thought it was ok to search for another girl. I worked so hard for that trip and he threw it back in my face. Also, after an argument one evening he walked off to the hotel and I stayed at the bar drinking alone. When I went back, I checked his phone the morning before and he had gone on porn when he got back to the room the previous night. Why was that the first thing that sprung to his mind? What the hell is wrong with him? Am I dealing with a pervert? Do I deserve more respect than this? Is he a narcissist? He’s prone to anxiety and depression. I’m wondering if he’s not capable of love.