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“I want to leave but can't”
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I got married at the age of 20. My partner and I were both in the military... today 13 years... but in that time we had much love, life and exceptional times together and always bad as well. I was pregnant on my wedding day, almost eight months. I lost my baby on my wedding day. It was so so unbearable. I felt as if my whole world was falling apart. My father didn't want to sign the marriage documents and I felt so down... also after I lost the baby I was laying in the hospital for almost a week and 3 to 4 days of that time I was holding my baby... counting and just crying... I felt there was no one there by me... after that I went home...

A week later I fell sick, got a heart attack and blood clots in my lungs... I was in the ICU for almost a month under sedation with pipes in both my lungs... I cannot remember bits here and there... but my parents and my husband’s family didn't see eye to eye... (I was glad I was not awake). My father said that my husband was not there, but with his brother catching fish... he also couldn't stay by me the whole time in hospital... but I got through it...

Later we moved and I got pregnant again. We have a girl and at that stage my husband took God into his life and everything was good. But I didn't feel like I belong with his family because of my moods and the way I handle things. I don’t keep my mouth shut and I say a thing as is...they didn't and do not like that... In the last 11 years I can actually count how many months on both my hands he brought money into the house... I was fine with that... until 2 years ago... August to be exact.

I wrote down in a book my problems and I started to pray and asked God to please help me because I can’t take it anymore... I love him so much and I don’t wanna lose him... I did everything for him and made his life a blast... At stage he was one of that guys that love the whole threesome thing... I only found that out after we went out one night with friends we came home and they dropped us... after I walked away he ran and jumped into the car through the window and they drove off... I did not see or hear from they or him for about five months. Then I saw him again with her as well just as I thought because his reason was I was too jealous and a bit much... but then he asked if he can come back to me and stupid me said yes.

So we went away for a weekend with the friends and that's where he just wanted another woman in our bed... as I thought to myself... I have to otherwise I will lose him again or he will look for it at another place... this was continuing for so so many years and every time this happened I was disgusted. I won’t disagree it was fun for the first maybe two times because it's new but I couldn't face them after that... because they were my friends...

I can’t have any female friends or colleagues then he would ask me how about that one... even if I'm at work he would sms me and ask so did you do her yet... so would ask what where... he would say take her to the bathroom... OMG no way... but one weekend we had a braai and I asked my female colleague if she wanna join us for a braai... yes she wanted to try it that's the main reason that she came over... but I was devastated.. while we were busy I got up... I felt and saw the rejection. I sat on the toilet and I screamed stop stop get off... get out... the only person that got out was me... I was thrown out of my own room and the door was locked behind me while he wanted to finish her up... I have never broken down like that, that time. Later the door was opened, and she left to go home... that is where things got cold in me and I was broken...

Later it was just braai and friends alcohol... any young person’s dream but we had a daughter and all of our friends was young and single. I enjoyed it all also to a point. Then there was the boys’ weekends and so on... on one weekend he came back and he made up a story about a scam that he is part of... at that stage I also locked into his phone to read his whatsapp because I suspected things... and yes I know not a lot of people believe it but a woman’s sixth sense is always right... it turns out he started to chat to a girl on FB and he even send her pictures of his private parts... and I was furious he lied to me... so I called and it was scam artists that wanted money and said that they will ruin his life and hurt his family... I sorted the problem out and it was soon over...

After that I again had trust issues... because how many times has this happened? At my daughter's school I was part of the organization that arranged the events every weekend... one day I couldn't attend so my husband stood in for me. That morning I spoke to him and about 11 he was driving and I asked what he's up to and he said he's going to drop off a girl... I asked and he said it's a parent at the school’s child. Later just to find out that the mother of that child and he started to chat and send pics and so on to each other on the first day... sex talk and all in just three days... I caught him and I confronted him and he said it's not true so I showed him the messages and he still denied it... I even called her and she put the phone down in my ear and blocked me. After that I was more fold and broken... I felt so alone... no friends and no family close to me... I was not allowed to go out with girls after work for a drink or a chat... even over weekend... oh no not me... anyway...

About 3 years ago my father got sick... with no money I scraped together out of the blue even a couple of cents I rushed to the airport to buy a ticket to go home... all the way I was crying after three airlines I got a flight... the lady that helped me was pregnant as well and she ran with me to the gate to make sure I could board the flight... On the plane I was crying non stop... got that side... took the bakkie, chased to my father... got there and spend time with him... that stage I asked my husband to please come as well and he said he couldn't... I was so upset... I was there for about a week... the night that they told us that he is not going to make it I called my husband and, guess what, he was at another woman’s house. After numerous calls, I asked one of my friends to go and check because my vehicle has a tracker in it... which he didn't know... and there he was with another woman... don’t know what happened there but he still denies it.

But anyway my father passed away... Just to find out that my family do not have funeral plans in place... but I did... I paid my father's funeral... got in a fight with my brothers where they physically abused me the night before the funeral I filmed into my car and I drove back to the airport... I couldn't even attend my father's funeral... I was dead inside of pain... got home... no comfort from my husband or his family... I felt so lost alone and unworthy... At this time he also started to play online gaming every single second of the day and night... and, no I'm not exaggerating, this is true. Once his eyes open until 2/3 in the morning... I couldn't deal... he said that he was in a dark hole...lies overflow... no work no money coming in... he keeps on asking his mom for money... he is a real mommyboy...

Later not last year the year before I met one of his friends and we just clicked... we saw each other after the men came back from a boys weekend... didn't notice it was him but he did notice me... we saw each other again at one of our friend’s weddings a few weeks later and I just couldn't believe that we clicked... but we were just friends... later we started as married couples to braai and all and have fun... last year Jan we were at a braai at their house where my husband started to cry. His wife and I were shocked... he even said that I must join... I just said no... I couldn't... but later me and Matt clicked and we started to send messages to each other... asking what happened and I just couldn't get him out of my mind and he was totally gaga over me... also just to find out that he and his wife is also having problems... they were divorced last year in June...

I also told my husband 16 Feb last year I want to separate... after a big fight that evening where we got physical... but still I'm here... me and Matt started to chat over emails messages meetings and all... but we never had sex together... he said that he is not that type and I respected that.. because I'm also not like that... everything was amazing I met his family and it bloomed... but still I'm not divorced... because I feel like I will be judged and what will people think about me...

He gave his life to God again last year when I told him I wanted to separate... I asked him why now... he stopped his games he started to look for work, and I just couldn't... I was done... he declared that he is fully devoted to me, he cried, he pleaded, and I just couldn't... after a while I told him again I still wanna separate. He kept on asking why... as I explained that I grew cold... I’m not in this anymore... and that I have feeling for someone else... omg... wrong move... because he just couldn't wait to call all of our friends his and my family and even the church people that I'm leaving him for another man... which I told him is not true.

A couple of months ago things started to chat ge again... he is back on his online gaming, not working... he sold my car... used the money... we had to stay with his mom and aunt. I just couldn't deal because I was the lowest person in their eyes... every family gathering there was always a fight and it is always me against them... and he never stood up for me... then I saw chats were his family was talking about taking my child... I was furious... I can’t have more children now, they wanna take away my miracle baby... she was born on 26 weeks at 189g... she is my everything...

Now about three days ago I got a message from Matt to say that he does not feel comfortable for me and him seeing each other behind my husband's back and because I'm married... I was heartbroken.... I don’t know what to do... I want to k now why now... after almost a year and two months now you feel guilty... he is not that type... please I need advice... I can’t anymore...

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Husband had an addiction to transgender
I don’t even know where to start…. It all began on my honeymoon. I found out that my husband had a very ugly past. He had been with over 10 transgender sex workers, frequented gay establishments to have sexual encounters with men anonymously, would use “glory holes” to get off, has multiple accounts on cheating apps as well as transgender for rent apps. He had once posted an ad on Craigslist to try to find someone. He was completely obsessed. This was going on until a couple months before he and I met. Supposedly he has not done or even thought about any of this since we’ve been together. We’ve been together 2 years. We have been talking to a certified sec therapist. This is a sex addiction. And similar to drugs or alcohol addiction this won’t go away. There isn’t a cure. He can learn how to cope and not give into triggers if he’s willing to do the hard work. He has to take a polygraph after his disclosure letter to me. This is all done thru the CSAT. He can’t be trusted. He lied to me from the very beginning of our relationship. I should have knows all of this. Now I am here with him. I uprooted my 4 kids from our home and we have combined our families. He also has 4 kids. This is a complete nightmare.
User article | pornography, affair, addiction
Is this technically cheating?
So recently my bf and i have had some problems. One night we where with our friends and he got drunk and said he thought about having sex with his “girl best friend”. This hurt me so much, I left and went to sleep, the next morning I had brought it up and he said it was a joke and it didn’t mean anything. But that night before I went to sleep, I snooped through his phone. I’m not one to typically do this vecuase it’s a huge invasion of privacy. However I’ve had some gut feeling telling me something wasn’t right. I looked through his texts with her and found some things that broke me. She had messaged him explaining how she wanted to be with him, and he told her I was his girl on the side.
User article | affair, emotional affair
I want out
Ok...me and my significant other have been together nearly 5 years we don't do shit together don't sleep together barely have sex always argue there's no happiness anymore my daughter's adore him but I want to leave what should I do
User article | breakups
“Falling for someone else”
I’ve been in a relationship for around eight years. I love my partner but for the last six months or so I haven’t felt like I’m in love with her – we just feel like housemates. Our sex life has dropped right off, we just aren’t as intimate in general any more, and when we are it’s planned. There’s no spontaneity. That thing has just gone. We don’t really fight but when we do I always find it’s me trying to end the fights. I love her but definitely feel like I’m not in love with her anymore. There’s a girl I work with that I really hit it off with as soon as we met. Nothing was said for ages but you could cut the tension with a knife. Since then we have started talking a lot and really developed feelings for each and spoken about it. It’s made me really think that my current relationship is definitely over but I’m so confused. I’ve told my partner that I think I want to leave and that I’m not in love with her. Then got sad sitting around at home alone and we decided to work on things. The girl at work and I decided to cut things off until I work my things out and now I feel like I’m going through two breakups at once. I’m so confused, upset and anxious about everything and don’t know what to do. I feel like my relationship is definitely done but I’m so scared to end it. What if I’m making the wrong decision and blinded by love for someone else? Any advice please.
User article | breakups, emotional affair
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