She's a great mother to our son but outside of not wanting to leave him I'm absolutely miserable in the marriage. I don't trust her as a life partner. She's great with the whole family dynamic and being faithful in a relationship but I've long thought her decision making wasn't the best or most thought out and unfortunately she's smitten by the cliche Disney princess facination. I'm a logic/data driven person whereas she makes her decisions based on emotion. This might be part to our drastically different upbringings. For context, I grew up away from most blood relatives and spent a majority of my early childhood between foster care and living with my mom's sister before a couple year stint with my mom until she temporarily abandoned me in a sober living to relapse before spending middle/high school raised by a former partner of hers that fell in love with me as a baby and decided to be my "dad" since my biological one didn't want anything to do with me. She on the other had lived with her mom and siblings, raised amongst a huge family, saw her dad frequently (emotionally unavailable but financially present father)  and was coddled by her mom. Essentially she wasn't really allowed to make critical decisions for herself so she never cared to learn growing up and whenever things got difficult she'd walk away or let someone else fix it. This I've learned definitely came as a result of my now mother in law "wanting the best for her kids growing up" but completely mind fucking them by not allowing them to make their own decisions or have much mental fortitude. Despite loving her I struggled believing in marriage and I made that clear to her. This as a result of wasting money buying jewelry for women before (mom, sister, her) for it to get lost, seeing so many unsuccessful marriages, having to spend soooo much on a ring/one day party for others to enjoy as well as someone (usually the male in my state) getting completely screwed in court when the divorce happens and don't get me started if there are kids involved. Most of our adult lives I've supported her financially paying all/majority of rent and bills while she worked in grad school. This way she could afford gas, apt. internet, insurance and her car note. Dumb on my part looking back as I wasn't making great money and wasn't the best with it but better than her working part time while in grad school. Looking back, I wish I would have talked finances with her instead of being the guy who just took care of it. Eventually we got jobs in the same city, collectively we made six figures, didn't have to pay rent, and could actually start considering saving for travel/house. Our relationship was great, I didn't have to take care of her out of obligation and wanted to build a forever life with her. Decided logically this was the best time to get engaged and start building that life together. Months out from our wedding she quits her job (racism in her department and treatment of staff). We talked about these issues as they were coming up but I didn't expect her to quit. Frankly, racism sucks but as a person of color, regardless of where you are in the US you're going to experience it, especially in university settings, so don't spend your life running from it. Mind you, we hadn't paid for the wedding yet (75% remaining). We move out of free housing provided by her old job and get an apartment. No issue with my jobs salary but still stressful month to month considering she made this choice without even having a solid savings established. Therefore I became that financial support again when she couldn't contribute to our bills or pay her own. She decided she didn't want to go back to the field she was in at university because of racism at higher paying schools. Mind you, this decision came less than 18 months after finishing grad school that took 2 years and cost her six figures in student loans. I considered calling off the wedding because it wasn't feasible to have and the entire foundation of stability I based our marriage on changed. Her dad offered to pay for the wedding and even gave her the remainder of the money for it but she used it for her bills and personal/ student debt. Not a cent went towards helping me with rent which passes me off but at the time i just shook off.. Here comes the curve ball! Despite using emergency contraception, a month before the wedding we find out she's pregnant. Due to covid our official wedding was postponed (no sweat as I didn't want one and we hadnt paid it off). Neither of us wanted to have a child outside of marriage so we got a friend to officiate for us and had a safe and very small wedding with close family only. I love our son but since the moment we knew she was pregnant I wanted to have an abortion, she didn't. I feel like shit saying it now that he's born but logically and financially it made no sense to bring a child into the world when you look at all the other issues we had going on. I talked myself into thinking and feeling like this is what I wanted but I knew it wasn't real deep down. I spend most of my time avoiding conversations outside of our son with her, ive isolated myself from friends and family out of embarrassment over my depression and involving them in a failed marriage. I have good moments in the relationship and then I'm back at hating her. Hating her for making so many emotional decisions that now I have to deal with. It tears me up because we have a beautiful son but part of me hates that he's here because if he wasn't I know I wouldn't be. I'm not crazy enough to hurt myself especially if it meant leaving my son to be raised by her or any of her family but I really feel trapped and see no way out. I know she wouldn't hurt him physically but she's indecisive and weak minded when faced with adversity and I don't want him to be like her. I know I dont want any more kids in this marriage. We've talked about it and she wants to wait until we get property and a house. I don't say much, just sit back and chuckle in my head at the fact that i definitely don't want anymore kids in this marriage and that she thinks we could afford to get a house when she has all this student loan debt. I know I should leave and deal with the whole two parent household but I feel like my happiness would cost me so much more and hurt our son than if I just stayed.

J is a great caring guy and a brilliant step dad but I feel embarrassed about him. J never brushes his teeth, rolls cigarettes in bed, always has a dirty face, he has b o. All these things are a complete turn off for me, I mention to him about it and he says he would still kiss me if I was dirty. His side of the sofa has dark marks all over it and thinks nothing of going out with dirty clothes on. I don’t think I can deal with it anymore, it’s got to a point to where our relationship is platonic rather than romantic. Does anyone else have a messy partner? How do you deal with it? Did you end up Leaving them?

My husband confessed a couple of months back of his debts he'd built up due to gambling drinking etc. Its a substantial amount but he said he had been depressed. I tried to support him and seek him help, which we separated got back and same habits of drink disappearing and lack of trust. I'm not sure what to do anymore.

I have been in a marriage for almost three years and have a baby less than a year old. Unfortunately there is no spark or intimacy in the marriage and i just feel like friends. My spouse doesn’t feel the same, they’re still in love with me but there hasn’t been any intimacy for a long time. I met someone over a year ago who I immediately clicked with and after a few months we couldn’t stop talking to each other and have since been having an affair. I ended up getting pregnant and having a baby with my spouse, but all along feeling like I didn’t want to be in the marriage anymore. Things are serious with my lover as we have said we’re in love each other and want a future together. I’m struggling to end my marriage because we have a young baby and so much to lose, but the spark isn’t there and I don’t feel any chemistry with my spouse anymore. I have told my spouse about the lack of chemistry but not the affair as I’m ashamed. Recently the person I’m having the affair with has decided to end it, saying they want to be with me and have a future together but cannot carry on in the situation we’re in. There have been a few red flags in the affair, a lot of arguments and conflict because of the situation and when the affair was ended; immediately talked of dating others and said it’s none of my business because I’m married. I want to be with this person but I don’t want to hurt anyone and want to do what is best for my baby. I’m really struggling with losing my relationship with my lover and can’t stop getting upset. I don’t know what to do. Anyone else been in a similar position?

I got married 3 months ago. I am 27 and my husband is 32. I have seen that my sister-in-law is a bit weird. When we go out, we share pictures with our families since they never get a chance to accompany us. My husband would send her the pictures of us visiting various places and asks her to show it to his parents, but she never does that. Mind you, she is a 24-year-old girl, not a baby. If the same event happens multiple times, it cannot be considered a mistake right? Also, my husband is not ready to accept her fault. How do I make him realize the damage she is doing by creating a gap between us and his parents? I can clearly see she is trying to create misunderstanding between us. Please tell me how to handle this situation.

My husband and I made the decision to separate late last year and have recently moved out. He has now needed to leave town for work. Our separation came at the end of a long relationship that began 14 years ago (at 16 and 25) and has putted along, not altogether unhappily but with discontent and basically living completely separate lives for the last 5 or so years. We have one child together who is intense behaviourally and he has not been supportive of my struggles with her, so I have worked part time and managed her as best I can while he has worked full.time and pursued his own interests and hobbies at leisure, never feeling that time at home or helping with our child should be prioritised. Last year it culminated in him travelling overseas several times alone and having a relationship there which has now ended. I see this as the catalyst for ending our relationship but not necessarily the whole reason - none of it would have happened if we were happy together. I don't feel as though we have ever been able.to bring out the best in each other. When he first wanted to separate, I was sad (mainly for our daughter) but worked through those feelings, developed peace with the situation and our need to separate and some months later (officially separated but still under the same roof) very tentatively began a new relationship. After this started he backflipped and said he wanted to be back together. He thinks that he is ready to change. The relationship has been up and down basically since the beginning and I honestly feel like the best thing for both of us would be to peacefully and amicably let it go and work on reconnecting him as a parent. I am ok with the whole thing - a little sad but also excited about rediscovering old hobbies, making new friends, starting a new job and seeing how my very cautious new relationship develops now I am living alone (well, with my daughter). He is not emotionally expressive like me, is holding on to a lot of regret and sadness and is really struggling. I am really worried that he won't be ok on his own, and I still care about him deeply and this hurts me a lot. I guess what I want to know is: How do I know if we have made the right decision? Should I get back with him again, do heaps of counselling and really, really try to make it work (obviously ending the new relationship I have begun, which I would struggle with at this point) for his sake and for our daughter? My gut feeling is that if we did this we'd just be delaying the inevitable. If not, how do I help him move on from the relationship? We obviously are still communicating because of our daughter. And how do I go forth and be happy with someone new when I can't shake the feeling I've left a trail of heartbreak behind me? I know this is too long (and yet still so much is left out)! I don't really expect anyone to have the answers but any ideas or experiences would ve helpful. Thanks :)

I’m a first time Mam to our wonderful, happy 5 month old daughter - but am struggling to understand my husbands actions since her birth. I appreciated at first that her arrival would bring about a significant and substantial change in our dynamic and that time and talking through it would help us resettle into our new rhythm as a family. However - he has been dismissive and distant - put his needs above hers / ours. He has planned a number of imminent holidays away with his friends - spends leisure time away from the home at pubs / coffee shops when he isn’t working. When I try and raise these issues with him he tells me I’m overreacting and that this is his routine. He regularly bemoans my breastfeeding as a way of ‘stopping us’ from going out in the evenings and has continued to neglect my requests for help / support with domestic chores. When baby is ready I will of course look forward to evenings out but at this age (and as she isn’t taking a bottle) I’m not prepared to leave her with relatives and friends in the evenings or overnight. I try my best to encourage him to spend time with me in the late evenings when baby is asleep, but he just wants to camp out in front of the TV. When he is home, he pays little attention to our daughter in terms of play and will only engage with her so that he can post photos on social media. As a result - I’m lonely - frustrated and wanting desperately for him to understand how overwhelming his behaviour is becoming. I fear that he is only interested in the aesthetic of our marriage and family - and has very little interest in how we function practically as a unit. Any advice would be welcomed x

This is going to be long so bare with me. I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year and a half.. Granted we were “friends with benefits” for several months to start out and knew each other for several years before. I also used to work for his Mother briefly and have a really good friendship with her. We now currently live together. To give you a little background.. I am 30 (31 in May) and he is 3 years younger than me. I am divorced. He has never really had a serious relationship before me. His longest relationship was about 3-4 months so he is kind of “inexperienced” (his words). We had many conversations about what we wanted when we first started dating. I told him I wanted children and didn’t want to have any after 35. I also said I would never wait 5 years again for someone to marry me (like my ex husband). I know exactly what I want in life and I wanted to be very clear so if it wasn’t what he wanted we could walk away from the get go. I feel like he’s maybe not sure what he wants sometimes even though he says he does. We’ve had several conversations about the future and about 6 months ago he asked me how I felt about getting a joint bank account and combining some bills (cell phone and car insurance) after the New Year. I told him I would be OK with that considering we had conversations about marriage, etc and I felt like it was going there (obviously way dinner than it is). Well a few weeks ago I brought it up again to see when he was thinking about doing all of that because he had not mentioned it again and he was real hesitant all of a sudden. He said that he had changed his mind and thought we should wait until we were married. I felt real confused and like I was getting mixed signals at that point. He assures me that he would never waste my time and if he didn’t think it was going there then he would just end it. It really doesn’t help that everyone around us is either getting married or having kids. Two girls in our friend group had a baby recently, one more just found out that she’s pregnant and another just got engaged. Also, best friend is eloping to her boyfriend next year in Barbados and they’ve only been dating for a little over 6 months. How is it that a guy she hardly knows already knows he wants to spend the rest of his life with her but my boyfriend and I don’t even talk about future things anymore? Even my ex-husband is remarried with a new baby. I know I should be happy for each and every one of them and I am, but it’s hard not to be envious at the same time. Maybe I’m just impatient? I feel like we are just in limbo and playing house at this point. I don't know if I’m wasting my time or not?

Please answer my question. I know it's long but I am really in a very bad situation. I am a girl. I love a guy and he also loves me but he is in a relationship since 2 years with another girl. We all three know each other. Actually me and the guy came into contact because of our work and then we became very good friends and also started our business together. He was in a relationship and I was also in a relationship. Then i went through a breakup. At 1st we were very good friend and her girlfriend is also like a friend only but not as close as the guys was to me. Me and the guy are very much compatible with each other in every aspect even our career goals are also similar, our caste is also same (in our areas caste matters a lot) and I believe compatibility is a big factor for having feelings for each other and also proximity because of our work. It happens 5 months after my breakup (which was amicable), I got the hint that the guy is having feelings for me which he told me indirectly but i told him that i will never see you from that perspective as i was decided that i am never going to like a guy who is committed and also for other reasons. But later I fell for him and talked to him directly, we both confessed our feeling for each other. We both love each other so much. But later I realised that I confessed assuming that since he can like me even being in relationship it means he don't have feelings for her now so if he will know that I also like him he will breakup with that girl. And he never thought this kind of situation would arise because he thought I could never like him as I made it clear to him earlier. Now we are stuck in a situation where our work is involved. We both are co-founders of a 3 co-founding member organization and that girl is also doing volunteering with our organization. I also had good relations with her. They both are from different caste but the guy committed her to marry her way before he knew me and now his girlfriend do not want to breakup with him even though she knows about us, she is saying she will do something if he won't marry her and she has also conveyed the same thing to her family as her family used to be against their relationship because of their caste but now because of the girl's behaviour they are convinced and it is creating a pressure for this guy, he is stuck. Another problem is that a similar kind of situation happened with the girl's elder sister, she got married with a guy who was already married but they came to know about it just after marriage, so they divorced and she is married to someone else now but because of this case her family is scared that it might repeat with this girl also. I am also stuck because we know that we are perfect for each other but he is scared that if breakup with her she commit something bad it will ruin everyone's life including our family. And if he do not choose me then it will be very painful for us because we are in love at the same time it will affect our work/career because I feel like if he won't choose me I won't be able to be in contact with him which will cost our organization. He has requested me that if I don't choose you because of the situation, at least let's maintain our friendship as you are like my strength and I can't behave like that I don't know you and also because of our work but i think even if i try i won't be able to fulfill his this request if he won't choose me. Additionally, I am also getting pressure from my family because of my age but I am feeling stuck. I also feel guilty for that girl because i knew they were in relationship but I still have strong feelings for me and he also. Me and that guy is so stuck that it feels like our life will be ruined as everything is at stake from career to family.

I am a married man, I have a wife and 2 teens. I’ve been married for over 15 years now. My wife is a good mom, but her lack of drive for success, and the mentality of being a housewife has turned me off for many years now. I’ve had a conversation with her about 7 years ago about going out there and getting her degree to challenge herself and help the family financially, I was always met with negative responses. Asking her to get a job was somewhat insulting to her and she tends to tell me I’m to blame for because I don’t like the jobs she applied to (they were not worth the time for the money) and she refused to get a job at decent places with good benefits (like Walmart or Aldi). In any event, through the years I’ve grown professionally and financially with very little financial input from her. I’ve taken care of her parents abroad as well as mine and I feel like I’ve just been a cash cow for everyone. I’ve had numerous discussions with her about my feelings and she finally decided to go out there and get a degree (because she senses I'm going to leave her) which I’m helping pay for, but for many years now I have not been connected to her emotionally, I don’t love her anymore and many things happened between us and her family where she didn’t back me up and chose her family instead. I am only married to her because of my kids. The sex is there just to take care of our needs, we don’t even kiss. During the pandemic I started trying to improve on one of the 4 languages I speak. I met someone on a language app, we started talking, very quickly moved to video conversations and we both started developing feelings. We share many goals, aspirations, and she is the complete opposite of my wife in so many levels which just draws me to her even more. She is also married. We’ve been romantically talking for 4 years now online consistently. Her husband is a macho guy who wants her as a maid essentially, she is putting her self through school with the help of her grandfather (who dislikes her husband) and is on her way to becoming a lawyer this year. I love everything about this woman. We met in person (I had a work trip to her country). We had great conversations and made love, I felt so at home with her I couldn’t believe it. I have never felt so happy in my life, never felt like this with my wife. She has never asked me for a nickel, and she’s helped me in some many ways, I feel like a different man with her. We both want out of our marriages, but I’m afraid of hurting my kids (16 and 13) and disrupting their lives. She is willing to leave her husband for me, she too has a kid (8 years old). I also don’t want to hurt my wife, I don’t love her but I don’t also want to hurt her self esteem and she also cannot support herself financially yet as she is in school till 2024 and working 1 day week for now. She knows I don’t love her like the first day we got married, we talked about it, tried working on it for a few years but it’s no use. We are both in our 40s and I am not happy with her and I feel I’d be giving up my own happiness if I don’t pursue my life with the other woman whom I love. I also feel my wife deserves to be loved, by someone who truly feels for her, not me. I don’t know what to do.

I have been with my partner for 14 years and have kids, we met in our 20s, I'm in my 40s now and put on some weight He said not attracted to fat women, I don't know how to deal with this as I feel he should love me 4 me

Helo I am 25 years old female. I got enaged 2 years back to the person with whom i was in relationship for 8 years. He loves, cares and resoects me. He is genuinly loyal person. Has made me comfortable and happy in this relationship. He told me about a lady he was attracted to in his teenage years for her pretty face and that lady is also his relative but with conflicts with the family. But personality and nature of that lady is not according to him(he also knows that). Recently that lady contacts him for some not so important thing. They talk with each other. She suffered in her relationship and apologized him( as she blocked him one he tried tk contact her). She apologized talked and again blocked. Now that lady is over the nerves of my fiance. He is disturbed by this thing. I asked him to approach her and if she agrees so move on with her. But he cannot move. He does not want to leave me. May be out of kindness or what ( i cant understand). I do not understand the intention of that lady as well . what is the reason of contacting a commited person.. I am in so much pain.. And don't know what to do. How should we react in this situation.?

I’m 62 and my husband is 57. We’ve been married for nearly 14 years and it’s the second marriage for both of us. We got on well as we had the same sense of humour and shared a lot in common. However recently I broke a leg and badly dislocated my ankle. This came right before my husband went to a very big reunion involving his side of the family (which I was due to attend but couldn’t due to my injury). When we met my husband was not speaking to his two sons or to his only brother (he has no sisters). Since he came back from the reunion he has had very little time or patience for me and I’ve been literally crawling on all fours around our bungalow when I’m unable to use the rollator the hospital lent me. He went back to work the day after the reunion leaving me alone and unable to even make a cup of tea, as I can’t carry it. He always was a little bit impatient, but I find myself being astonished at his behaviour lately. Yesterday he watched me crawl into the garden then promptly got himself only a chair and sat in the only piece of shade. He has said to me I must ask if I want something, but surely he should have some initiative and see some of the things I need. Otherwise it feels like me begging for certain things. What do others think - is it just coincidence that he had the reunions then got a lot worse, or do you feel it probably has nothing to do with that? Thanks.

Hi. I'm new on here and have so many questions about this topic. I know with marriage you need to be a team to make things work. But recently I was kicked out because I did not want to cut my hours of work because we do not have part time hours and let him claim my kids and I because I make good he told me if I wasn't willing to change and think about his paycheck so he can pay bills then I need to leave. Now yesterday he told me we need to see a male counselor for couples and try to make things work for him. Not my kids or even us just himself. There were times before where I had he has kicked me out before and I always went bac.. this time I don't know what to do I'm lost. I feel like maybe I am the one who is at fualt but I have recently learned about narcissist people. He does show a lot of red flags in our relationship. Like blaming me for everything that goes wrong for him or he will tell me that I'm the one that needs to be fixed because I'm the problem and as soon as I see someone to help me get fixed we can work things out. He is mean to my 12 year old daughter and doesn't even bother paying attention to our 5 year old son. I'm lost at to do I love him I don't want to put him before my kids. Please someone help?

My wife and I have been married for four years and together for eight (no kids), we realized and discussed about two years ago that we had fallen out of love with each other. We have been actively trying to make it work but are both such different people now then when we were younger. Primarily the fact we were both quite depressed when we met and fell in love in our twenties and since have both done a lot of growth and healing. We have realized we are both very different people now, and although we both love and care for each other, are not "in love". Neither of us wants to stop the other from being happy and 10 months ago decided to have a trial separation, we are both open to the idea of the other person dating in this time. I feel like we both know where this is truly ending but are afraid to let go. Enter "M", my closest friend at University. We are are extremely close, have engaging conversations every day, work on all our projects together, etc. When we first met there was that instant spark and despite both of us just being friends, there was constantly this underlying tension between us. We have had a pretty close friendship and have shared a lot of personal stuff back and forth including our histories and such. I cannot deny, I have never connected with another person on this level. About a month ago, M and I were chatting online, and she brought up how difficult it has been trying to date and meet people online during pandemic. I related talking about how it has been extra hard on my marriage. Instantly, it was like a switch flipped and M started acting distant. We spoke and M told me she thought we should take a step back and she thought I wanted us to take the relationship to another level. I panicked, told her I had only ever wanted to be friends as well ... and that I was in an Open relationship. I don't know why I said this, I panicked and was afraid to admit my wife and I were separated for some reason. M and I talked again and we agreed to reset just as friends. I see M everyday in class and normally we would chat all class together. M is now avoiding me and is largely ignoring me, I respect she may need space but am also afraid I have lost a really good connection. And as I realize I have pretty serious feelings for M, I am also afraid we may have lost the potential for more. M has made it clear she had feelings for me and needed space, but also left it vague whether we could be friends in the future.. I have realized I have significant feelings for M, but if I am being honest with myself, I know I am not in a place where I even want to be in a relationship. But I do still want M's friendship.. Part of me wants to reach out and tell M the truth about my marriage and feelings, just for the sake of being perfectly honest and clear, before taking a step back and giving her space. The other part of me feels like I hurt M and should just take the step back... The only thing I know is I really really miss M.