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“Unwanted sexual attraction”

I feel so embarrassed about having sex, especially foreplay. The problem i have is more of a stereotypical aspersion about my race, which my body work confirms exceedingly. I hate to be seen and accepted just for that, so I am ending up turning down advances and intimacy as it some how crops up as a factor for the attempt at a relationship.

How do I deal with this problem, I already feel that my wife who I am in a way estranged from married me with that as a factor, as did the last woman I was involved with (That ended badly when I declined any further contact to kind of save the marriage). I thought of surgery, but I am squeamish at the thought...

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