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This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions.

Me and my boyfriend have been together for a very short 5 months and maybe not even that long at all if I think about the dates we are in our mid 20's and everything so far has gone better than expected, he has been there in ways I couldn't have imagined so far for me and I'm greatly appreciative.

In October of 2020 , we went to a small Halloween party that some friends of mine were having. We drank at the party and were having a good time until we both sat down on the couch and started talking about a girl he knows, he eventually made the comment of " you don't have to worry your more attractive than she is" to me and immediately I was taken back by it, this is not something that I thought I would ever hear my boyfriend say. I was upset about the comment at the time being, the thoughts that ran through my head were " why do I even need to worry about someone being more attractive?" " why would he tell me this".

Fast forward to a couple of days later and he tells me he is sorry it was wrong to say and that he doesn't even want to be friends with her or really associate with her in any form (I guess they would talk from time to time, or join in a discord call with another guy etc.) After that all is well and we continue on. Well about a week ago I'm over at his place and I'm doing my work and he is playing video games and on a discord call with his friend, I then hear a girl on there and think to myself is it the same one? After he is done playing I address it and sure enough it was, I asked him " why was she on there if you don't talk to her anymore? After what you told me you would stop talking to her etc." He tells me he doesn't recall saying that and isn't to happy I brought it up again but I tell him I am uncomfortable with it after the comment. He proceeds to tell me that she goes on the calls because she's interested in his friend that he plays video games with.

After a discussion and sleeping on the issue we wake up and he asks "what would you like me to do about? I can stop talking to her because it isn't even worth it?" I told him no , he also mentioned that she really isn't attractive at all to her and he felt shameful about his comment, but really deep down it is what I wanted and still currently want, she shows up to much and it makes me uncomfortable, I don't want to reopen the situation and talk about it, so I'm asking how do I tell him that's what I really wanted and should of said and I'm asking for it now without trying to argue or make a big conversation? about the commnet

Issues
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This is a guest article written by marital therapist, Andrew G Marshall, a marital therapist and author. The views expressed in this article are not necessarily shared by Click or OnePlusOne.  Whenever I tell someone that they don't have to wait for their partner to commit to saving their relationship, I always get a quizzical look: “Doesn't it take two people to make a relationship work?” In over twenty-five years, working as a marital therapist, I've yet to meet a couple where the responsibility for getting into a mess is not pretty evenly spread. So, I have a lot of sympathy for people who're worried that this involves taking all the blame. It doesn't – just taking responsibility for your half. Instead of sitting around waiting or begging your partner to get with the programme, you can take control and break the deadlock. By changing your behaviour, you will be changing the whole dynamic in your relationship. Instead of the current downward spiral – where one nasty action sparks another – you can set up a positive circle where one kind one sparks another. Soon, your partner might notice the difference, soften and become more open to change. Here are five ways to move forward: 1. Look at your own contribution to the problem It’s much easier to complain about your partner's failings than look at your own. But step back and take a long look at what's been going on. When you cut away all the justifications, what do you regret doing? 2. Make a full apology I expect you've said ‘sorry’ many times before. Unfortunately, ’sorry’ can become a knee-jerk reaction or a way of buying peace (even if you don't really mean it). A full apology is different. It acknowledges both the unhelpful behaviour and the impact on the other person. For example: ‘I want to apologise that I haven't done more about around the house. It must have been exhausting for you and made you feel taken for granted’. Don't add an explanation (’I've had a lot of work on’) as this sounds like justification and lessens the power of the apology. 3. Ask yourself what you would like to change Hopefully your apology will have drawn a line in the sand and maybe even sparked a matching one from your partner. Don't worry if your partner remains sceptical. Imagine for a second, your partner has said: ‘Let's try again’, or, ‘Let's work on our relationship’. What would you do differently this time around? Instead of waiting for your partner, make those changes today. For example, listen more, help more with the children or approach problems more calmly. 4. Challenge your interpretation of what's happening between you We imagine there is a straightforward link between events and feelings. Your partner does not text and you feel unloved. However, it is more complex than that. Your reaction depends on our interpretation. For example, ‘he didn't text because he doesn't care’. No wonder you get upset. However, if the interpretation is, ‘he didn't text because his battery is flat’, the feelings might be irritation that he forgot to charge it. Equally, if your partner does not seem to have noticed your added efforts, challenge your interpretation. If it is ‘she truly doesn't really love me’, the response will be despair. If it ‘she is worried that I might slip back into the old ways, then the reaction might be to redouble your efforts. If you're not certain why partner behaved in a particular way, ask them rather than making assumptions. 5. Control your panic In my experience, more relationships fail after a declaration of ‘I love you but I'm not in love with you’ or infidelity because of the panic of the partner on the receiving end rather than the person who has fallen out of love. So, when you're feeling anxious, don't push for reassurance (as this only pushes your partner away) but go for a run, phone a friend or do some deep breathing exercises.
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Hello everyone, I've been needing to get something off my chest for a long time now. It's something very personal and I can't bring myself to talk to anyone in my social circle or family, because I feel very embarrassed, neglected and as if something is wrong with me. I've been seeing my partner for about 10 months now. For context, I haven't had very many sexual partners as I've always been in committed relationships since my teens (and am now 24). My partner (28) on the other hand has had many sexual partners and has never been in a committed relationship before me, and would, I quote, "pump and dump". So a very big player who would just fuck around, pardon my language. At the beginning of the relationship, physically everything was great, we were both very into each other and would be intimate almost every time we saw each other. However, after four or five months of being together, the physical intimacy became much more scarce. He would never initiate, or say he was tired. I was the one always initiating and trying to be intimate, and they would just make up an excuse or laugh it off like a joke. I would try everything, wearing sexy lingerie while walking around the apartment, joining them in the shower, walking and lying around naked... And they would just either ignore it or react as if I was making a joke. And now it's gotten to a point where I'm too worried about rejection to even try anymore, and it's such a horrible feeling knowing that if I don't try, they'll never even bother to initiate (which is the sad reality). It's just feels so humiliating, that the person that's meant to love me and be attracted to me doesn't even want to touch me. He talks long term goals, including marriage, potentially having kids and buying property together, so I know he's not cheating on me and is very much attracted to me still. I am considered by societies standards as conventionally attractive, and receive a lot of attention from the opposite sex. But I don't get any from the person I love, and it makes me feel as if I'm disgusting or something is wrong with me. I feel so ashamed and humiliated, and am so worried because we're not even a year into our relationship and we're already having intimacy issues, and we're both a young couple who should theoretically be in their prime physically. There are also issues when we are intimate. I only climax from oral, not from penetrative sex. He said when we first started seeing each other, that he was a "selfless lover" and couldn't selfish if he wanted to be, because he got off on his partner getting off. And he couldn't get me to climax through regular sex, and I did tell them I could only climax through oral, and then he just gave up. He doesn't even try. In the 10 months we've been together, I can count the number of times he's gone down on me on one hand. And he always says how he "loves" how I taste and makes these remarks like "I can't wait for dessert" or something along those lines, but then never actually does it. So it makes me feel so dejected and as if I'm dirty and disgusting. I'm at a point where I don't know what to do anymore, I feel as though I've given up. Even going to bed, he doesn't cuddle and normally comes to bed after I've already fallen asleep.so I just end up crying myself to sleep. I don't know what to do anymore, I just feel so alone and dejected.
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Walking in each other's shoes: Perspective taking mediates effects of emotional intelligence on relationship quality. European Journal of Personality, 25(2), 155-169.  [5] Zeidner, M., & Kloda, I. (2013). Emotional intelligence (EI), conflict resolution patterns, and relationship satisfaction: Actor and partner effects revisited. Personality And Individual Differences, 54(2), 278-283.
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I feel selfish posting this, but I can't help but feel like I'm alone in my marriage. My husband is a good person and a decent provider, but he's not there for me emotionally. I know his work environment has gotten pretty toxic in the past year or so (his employer has been forcing older, more long-term employees out the door and hiring younger, cheaper help), and I know he worries about not making enough money if he were to leave and go somewhere less hostile (we would survive, we're not poor), and I have encouraged him to look elsewhere for a less stressful job, but he hasn't done anything about it. Because he is stressed about work all the time, he comes home every night, eats dinner and then either fiddles with his phone surfing the internet or he sits in front of the TV until he goes to bed. We never go anywhere together, unless it's the grocery store or some other mundane thing, we haven't taken a vacation in years, and he never wants to do anything. We have seen a marriage counselor before, but he only went a couple of times until he decided that I was depressed and should continue seeing the counselor alone. Yeah, I AM DEPRESSED because my husband isn't in our relationship. I guess the last straw was today, our 16th anniversary, and he came home from work and flopped down on the couch with his tablet. I purposely sat down with him and he ignored me for about an hour until he mumbled "Happy Anniversary" and went to the fridge to heat up leftovers for dinner. After he ate his leftovers, he watched TV and went to bed. It is my wedding anniversary and I'm sitting on the couch with my cat. I am so angry and sad and hurt by this behavior of my husband that I don't know what to do. When I try to talk to him about it, he either ignores me (the damn TV, the phone or the tablet) or he turns it around on me and complains about how bad his job is and how I have no idea what the working world is like these days. (Um, yeah, actually I do. I worked in corporate America for two decades until I left and started my own business two years ago, which wasn't exactly an easy thing to do, either.) Can someone please give me some advice? I'm so sad right now.
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I met this girl about six months ago, we've been on a few dates, I would say about every two weeks we get together and go out to dinner, movies or walks. I've falling for her and I don't know if she likes me. After three months of dating we started kissing and then it stopped because she told me she was scared. Recently we booked a trip to Cuba together.
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I need some outside advice, my partner (23) and I (32) have been together since aug.2021. we almost never have any issues or disagreements and communicate a lot especially since we are currently long distance. he does have ptsd, a SA survivor, there have been times were he gets overly stressed, tired of overthinks a situation and will completely shut down emotionally. he will get very distant and constantly have a attitude and be rude when he's like this. I've cried a few times because he will not say I love you or tries to leave when he's in the moods and honestly treats me like I did something wrong when I didn't. I don't know how to help him through the episode's because if I tell him how he makes me feel emotionally he says I it makes him feel guilty and like a piece of crap but if I try to give him. space he gets more upset. I have traveled to him multiple times , recently Christmas and he actually shut down on me that night because I was on my phone with my daughter when I was supposed to be eating dinner with his family. it was probably one of the worse arguments we have had. I just don't know what I can do, we just got engaged as well and planning for him to move in but now I'm worried .
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“Conditional sex”
I have been with my partner for over four years although I have known him since I was a teenager. We both have been married before and have children from previous relationships. When we first got together sex was amazing and all the time, I had never felt so fantastic and I felt that I had finally found someone who understood and matched my sexual desire. I took ill and was stuck at home for over a year, lost my job and my confidence and gained weight. While I was unwell there was a change, I was often the one to initiate sex and he would say it would be selfish for him to want sex when I was ill. I said I could make the decision if I was up to it or not there would be an argument and he would huff for a while but then carry on. We did always however have a good level of closeness always holding hands, hugging and being together. Once I recovered we got back to having great sex again but there was a change, he seems to only want sex if I wear a dress, stockings and heels. This is 'what he likes' and it seems he is just not interested in me otherwise and he rarely initiates sex. These conditions that seem to be almost like rules now make me feel quite sad, I miss just making love on a Saturday morning or having a 'quickie' when the kids are out. He may think I look sexy when I dress like this but I just feel unattractive and under great pressure and I never feel good enough. He is a perfectionist and he will point out if there is the smallest snag in my stockings or I haven't shaved properly. It is as though he has standards that I just don't meet anymore so he would rather do without sex. I love him deeply and fancy him like crazy but I am sexually frustrated and scared we are drifting too far apart to fix it.
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“Sexually frustrated”
My partner and I have a great relationship. We got engaged late last fall and are planning a wedding sometime next year. We both live in separate houses, but would like to live together to save on expenses. I'm retired, but she is still working, so we only see each other, mostly on the weekends, and Sunday seems to be the day she has picked out to make love, usually at my house because my bed is more comfortable, and a larger play surface, a King-size bed. Sometimes, I surprise her by showing up to her house, before she gets home from work, with dinner already made, only to find out that she is too tired to have sex. So, I end up just having dinner, watch a little TV, then head home. She always teases me and asks that I come upstairs and tuck her in, when she fully knows I can't spend the night, because I have a 13-year-old dog at home, that has to be taken care of. My question is: How can I spice up our sex life to meet both of our needs?
Ask the community | sex, communication, sexless
“Crushing on someone else”
I have a boyfriend, we dated for 7 months so far. He’s white, tall, gorgeous, pretty, nice blue eyes. But he is so clingy and he never had great relationships in his past. He always got cheated on with his past relationships. Pretty much every single one of them. I don’t kno why that happened to him. I think cause he is such a nice guy and very sweet and he’s sensitive and very clingy. And he can take advantage of pretty easy. Like 3 months later of dating, I met this other guy from work. And he is so cute. He is very cute. I had a crush on him. And he’s white also. Which that doesn’t happened to me. I don’t get white guys to like me or have an interest in me. My boyfriend is the first white guy I ever dated and I am shocked and surprised and I don’t wanna lose him cause he’s literally perfect but I don’t wanna be in a relationship. I wanna be single. I’m young , I wanna fun. I don’t wanna settle down. I never got the chance to be by myself and be single. I always been with a boyfriend then break up, then another right after 1 or 2 months, literally. I didn’t have time to be single for a good ass time since I started to date date. My first boyfriend was black, dated 9 months. 2 months later, I had another boyfriend, Hispanic, 9 months or 10, broke up, 2 months apart, got back together 10 more months then broke up. 1 month later, I met the guy I’m with now. So yup. The second boyfriend it was tough on me, I fell in love. He was my love. The love of my life. Even to this day he is still the love of my life. I’m not sure if I’m gonna fall in love again. It’s rare. But yeah, so the guy that I have a crush on. He likes me back. That never happened. A white guy. No. And me and him, we texted, talked on the phone. Etc. he doesn’t know I have a boyfriend, I don’t wanna tell him cause I think he doesn’t wanna deal with me no more. I don’t want anything serious with him. Just to have fun and hang. But I can’t do that behind my boyfriend’s back. That’s the thing , I don’t wanna be in a committed relationship but I love my boyfriend. I’m not madlyyyy in love. But I do love him. I don’t wanna lose him cause I know for a fact I won’t find someone else like him. He’s very gorgeous btw like a model. He could be one. So it’s hard to find a guy like that. I wanna be in an open relationship with him because I don’t want to cheat on him also I don’t wanna be nervous every single time when I text a dude or talk to a dude but I’m scared, I know for a fact that he won’t like that. I just wanna mingle other guys, but I still wanna have my boyfriend. And the guy I like, I have feelings for him and I’m scared to fallll for him. I can’t. But at the same time, I wanna be with him like hang out and do fun stuff. It’s hard. I don’t know why I got myself in this mess. All I want is life is to be alone forever. I wanna be alone . But I don’t really wanna be alone alone. Also one time my boyfriend found out I was texting a dude. He fucking went thru my shit. Privacy man. Like wtf. I was pissed. And he was like what is this? Who is this? Etc. and yelling at me and he said that he’s breaking up with me. But I stood my ground and fought for us. I was stupid. We should have broken up. It would be easier but also I don’t wanna lose him. I really don’t. And ever since then , the incident, he doesn’t trust me. At all. Like he wanna see my phone, messages , constantly texting back and forth 24/7. He wanna kno where I’m at and such , what I’m doing. It’s soooo annoying. I don’t have my freedom. I’m not 17 years old or 16. I’m 20. Like come on. So I can’t do anything behind his back cause he is soooo clingy and he is always behind my back so I can’t do shit. It just sad. My whole love life is sad. I can’t never be happy. I’m never happy. Which is okay. I have been thru so much worse. So I don’t know what to do with my boyfriend or the guy that I have a crush on. Basically the whole situation.
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