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Stuck feelings

I’ve had a crush on someone for 4 years. We were fwb briefly. I moved away for work and stopped contacting him to realign myself. Whenever we talk it’s only Bc he reaches out. My feelings aren’t going away and I hate that. He invited me to lunch yesterday and he has a gf. I have a bf but I hate how that made me sad. Ii love my bf but I feel so stuck with my feelings. I feel so much pain and grief that I can’t express

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