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“No passion at all”

I've been in my relationship for five years now. Everything was great at first. For the first year we were long distance and made a real effort when we saw each other. I moved to be with him after a year and that's when the trouble started. We hardly ever have sex these days, maybe four times a year if I'm lucky. I've tried talking to him about it in the past, but he refuses to see there's a problem and always said things would get better and that we would be fine. He won't go to a doctor or a counsellor.

In the past I've thought it was a porn addiction problem, and it might still be, but I think we just have wildly different sex drives and he's become lazy and complacent in the relationship. I've stood in front of him naked and he says he doesn't feel anything. We used to argue about it all the time, but I don't have the energy to anymore. I think I've checked out.

What I used to think was normal I'm starting to realise really isn't - weekdays we get home from work, one of us cooks and we eat together, but then he goes up into his office to game until 10, when he comes down we spend an hour together before bed. We never go to bed together, he'll then go back to his computer, and he always gets up before me so I feel as if I'm sleeping alone every night. For the few hours we do spend together we don't hold hands or touch each other or even kiss passionately, it's just a peck on the lips. It's not enough for me, but I'm scared of missing all the good things we do have.

He is very supportive of my job and things I do outside of work, he's there when my mental health is low, he shares the cooking and jobs around the house, but I feel like we're just friends. I'm 33 and would really like a family one day, but if we ever did manage to get pregnant with our lack of sex I'm worried I'd be doing most of the work. I know sex isn't everything in a relationship, and I'm questioning should I throw away what we do have for intimacy? I would like someone to look at me occasionally like they really want me and to be told I'm beautiful, but I don't know if I'm asking too much from life.

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