I want to share this because I have no one to talk to about my concerns! My boyfriend and I have been together for almost seven years. We met in high school and have faced many challenges in our relationship like long-distance while I was in college and currently we are not living together.
About three years ago, my boyfriend’s “God-Sister” and best friend moved back to the area. They became pretty close and at the beginning, the three of us would do things together. During the last year, he began spending more time with her and less with me. He would say that it was because she lived so close and I lived 30 minutes away. She would cook for him, drive him places, and they basically hung out every day whereas I only saw him on weekends.
A couple of months ago, I found out that he cheated on me with her (I found proof, a month after it occurred). I confronted him and he insisted that it was a one-time, drunken mistake and did not go further. I also found out that he spent WAY more time with this girl than I had originally known. We broke up for about a month, but he was persistent and continued to tell me that it was a mistake and it would never happen again.
Ultimately, I gave him another chance because people make mistakes and we had been together for so long. I did not want to be controlling and say he could not be friends with the girl, but I also did not want him to have the same opportunities as before. He promised me that they would not be hanging out, or talking, like they were before but they would be friends and he would be more transparent and open with me to build back trust.
As time moved on, he continued to text her daily and she would dog sit during the week while he was at work. Each time I brought her up, he would get upset and say he didn’t want to keep talking about her. I have tried to explain that I am uncomfortable with them being friends because I am excluded from their relationship (ie there is never times where we will be around each other because he does not want drama, his family sees her but only when I’m not there).
A little while ago, I had this gut feeling that he was lying to me about being at work and I ended up driving to her house to see if he was there. He was. So, I called him to give him an opportunity to tell me the truth and he said he was elsewhere. I ultimately confronted him again. He stated that the only reason he lied was because he didn’t want me mad, but he did not cheat. Ever since, I have struggled with trust issues. I have asked him to turn on his location and he refuses.
About a week ago, he calls me to admit that he is cutting ties with his friend and that he has once again been lying about the friendship. For the last little while, he has been refusing to see me (blaming it on Coronavirus) but has been hanging out with her and not telling me. His family is aware and has not told me. I have been trying to move past it, but even now he states that he still wants to be friends with her. If I ask him if she has talked to him, he gets upset because he doesn’t want to talk about her.
In addition, throughout the cheating and now, she has openly admitted that she has feelings for him, she thinks she does more for him than me, and was manipulating him into staying away from me. He will not allow me to confront her because he does not want drama with her or her/her family to threaten me. However, he still wants to be cordial with her. I know that it will begin like this but they will eventually continue to hang out. He has insisted that he will be honest with me moving forward, but I do not believe him. He does not understand my frustrations and is not willing to acknowledge that their relationship is disrespectful to me. I believe that he has feelings for her that he is unwilling to admit to himself, I do not know how to move forward and I just need advice.