What would it be like if your partner could always understand what you are thinking and feeling? What if you could stop and think about your partner’s thoughts and feelings before you react to the things they say and do?
You can’t read each other’s minds, but you can gently ask questions to find out more about what’s going on. It can be helpful to name your feelings and talk about what you might need from each other.
This can make it easier to be supportive and take steps towards resolving things. You might not stop arguing altogether but with practice you can learn to argue better.
There are three simple steps to arguing better:
The first step is to STOP. This means staying calm and listening. You can’t always control the way you feel, especially when an argument starts. But you can have some control over how you respond.
When you feel a conversation heating up, you can try some of these tips to help yourself say calm:
Do you find yourselves arguing about the same things over and over again?
Sometimes an argument isn’t about what it first seems. An argument about money, or who does what, or who looks after the children, is rarely just about that. Understanding the root of the argument can help you talk about the things that are important to you.
Have a look at this diagram which show the things people argue about the most.