I've just discovered my wife is having a sexual relationship with with her ex boss. This has torn my world apart completely. When she started working for this company five years ago she was warned about the sex mad owner. I trusted her as our sex life wasn't great or very ambitious. She was never one for taking risk or trying anything new in the bedroom, and it wasn't for the want of asking on my behalf either. I offered everything from toys, group, partner swap, dressing up, role playing, outside - in fact, I think I tried most things without any joy. Anyway I discovered messages on her phone around four months ago but left it and tried to find things out for myself. I had no luck and in the end just decided to come out with it and, hey presto, she came clean on everything. She said it started as friendship but led on to more things and they have been sleeping together for about six months now (so she tells me). She has broken down and is beside herself for hurting me after 14 years marriage and 20 years together. She says she doesn't know how it has led this far and also how it has continued as well, as she felt bad after every time... My problem is the fact I feel I'm being laughed at - as he will see it as another notch, although she says not. She has lied to me for months about where she has been swimming, shopping, her sister's. This and the fact someone else has had their hands on her makes me sick (and I have been). Any one who knows please feel free to comment...

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 7 months now. We love each other and get on amazingly well. However...he doesn't initiate sex with me. In the day he can be all over me, hugging and kissing me, holding my hand, saying how pretty I look and how attractive he thinks I am. This is all very well but I wish he'd show it in the bedroom! When we do have sex (usually initiated by myself) he finds it difficult to have an erection for more than ten minutes. I feel this is the root of the problem and is why he doesn't initiate sex with me. We've spoken about this many times trying to get to the root of the problem but with no luck! The funny thing is that throughout the day, he has no difficulty getting erect, but when it comes to having sex...this is another matter. A big problem now is that when I feel in the mood for sex I tend to fantasize about other people, including one of my exes who I was very sexually active with. I feel guilty for doing this, but find it difficult to fantasies about my current boyfriend as we hardly have sex!!! Please can someone offer me any advice about how to talk to my boyfriend about sex, how to make out relationship bit more spicy and whether I'm a bad person for fantasizing and thinking about my ex sometimes!! My relationships at the moment is going brilliantly in every department apart from this... I'd really appreciate your comments, Thanks.

I really need someone to put my life back on track, to turn me back into the mother and wife I once was... a year ago, all that matters to me was my family whom I took pride in and would do a lot for them without expecting anything in return. After all, love is unconditional and as a mother, its my job to love, care and protect them. I didn't even ask a lot from my husband nor did he expect a lot from me. We were just in a good marriage, hardly any arguments between us and we took pride in our parenting and are proud of our beautiful, bright children. It all started when a single dad at school confessed to me that he finds me attractive and admitted fancying me for a while. It all came as a big surprise to me as I do not expect a mum like me to still have "admirers". Although I turned him down but since then my confidence grew and I started enjoying the fact that I can still attract male attention. Six months ago, I met William. I was very much attracted to him, physically and sexually. We started off texting back and forth, first with light and gentle flirting. We met up for a few drinks now and again and have a good time laughing and flirting. Then it soon developed into a bit more and more and then more. I am not one into casual flings or reckless, irresponsible behaviour but then suddenly before I realise, I found myself having an affair with William. A proper full blown affair. By the time I asked myself "what have I done?", it was too late. I have already slept with him. I know it was all principally and morally wrong. I know I have done something very bad and my husband would not forgive me if he knows what had happened. I asked myself what do I want from this relationship with William? Is it just purely for sex? Physically, we both look good together and we are both in lust with each other although William said its not just about that. He said he cares about me and wanted to see me every weekend. He kept telling me he misses me whenever he is not with me and he would send me daily texts messages which were all very sweet to read. I thought I was falling for William because I can't get him out of my mind and I really love being with him. I am so attracted to him that no one else can catch my attention because my heart and mind is just set on him alone. The problem is I can't seem to leave my marriage because I don't want to break my family apart and let my kids and husband down. What I have is beautiful and to destroy it could be the biggest mistake and regret in my life. Yet I can't stop contact with William no matter how hard I tried, I always ended up going back to him again and again. It is like an addiction. Maybe I am in love with him but I am just in self denial. Although William has told me he loves me but he doesn't convince me enough that our relationship has a future. Although I can see myself (on my own) with him but I can't see my children in the picture. William is a single guy, still living a bachelor life and there is no way he would swap his convertible two seater sports car into a family car. Everything in his life is that of a bachelor; even his bachelor pad is so unchild-friendly and immaculate that I can't even imagine my kids sitting on his leather creamy sofa. I can't even see him swapping his bachelor pad to a family home. All signs are telling me is I am a "current" girl he is currently seeing until he finds himself a single girl he is willing to settle down with. I have somehow raised that issue in a joking way with him and of course he denied it. I didn't press him more because I don't want to spoil the fun between us. Also I felt I have no right to press him for commitment when I myself am still married. He did say to me before that I should make my mind up on what I want in life or with my relationship and he is jealous to imagine sharing me. There is no sharing. I have become even more emotionally and physically detached from my husband. Thinking back over the years, we have grown apart emotionally and intimately. There is hardly any connection between us and I am no longer attracted to my husband in a sexual way. No matter how I want to try with him again but I just couldn't find myself interested in the whole idea. I think its because I am so distracted having William around. Sooner or later this is going to come out and my husband will find out what I have been doing. I really have to decide what I want in life but at the moment its nearly like saying wanting to have the cake and eat it. In my dream, if I can, I would just walk away from my marriage and start a new life with William but I cant leave my children behind and it pains me to imagine letting my husband down because it would be a blow to him. It would kill him if I leave. Also, is William the kind of guy who is worth sacrificing for? That question has been hanging on my head. If I leave my marriage for a guy who is worth every tear and pain and manage to have a good relationship and lead a happier life with.... that would be beautiful but William might not be worth the sacrifices. Should I confront William and ask him to be honest with me on what he wants? He got to give me some kind of commitment. Part of me thinks if he can't commit on a long term thing with me and include my kids in, then he is a waste of time and effort. He is just not worth it. But to raise all these with him mean potentially I am at risk of losing the fun I can have with him. And if he said yes he is ready to commit, do I really have the heart and courage to leave my marriage and tear all their world apart? Please please please have anyone been through similar experience or can someone wake me up?

We are married with 1 child 9 years old, been together for 18 years, i'm 44 and she is 38, I have always instigated sex and over the years I have realised that its always me doing the trying all the time. My wife doesn't kiss me, no cuddles, no affection and I am just so fed up. I cant speak to her about this, a few years ago I got a lecture about how sex is all I want. She can't switch off from paying bills to enjoying sex, I can but without sex I am starting to resent her everyday. I can't figure out why she doesn't want sex and affection, it's eating away at me. I stopped instigating sex 4 months ago and we had no sex, she has just ignored me in bed and we just carry on just living snd surviving. I know she isn't seeing anyone else and she doesn't go out much. The other night she went out with girlfriends and came home merry and she instigated sex, in my head all I wanted to know is why haven't we had sex for 4 months, we had sex and it was great, the following morning nothing again, she is always nasty the next day and it feels like she regrets being nice. I just need to hear from anyone who has experienced this or can give me some advice to get back on track. I don't have anyone to talk to.  

I'm really hoping someone can give me some kind of input on a situation in my relationship that feel completely at a loss about. We've been together nearly three years (I am 30, he is almost 40). Compared to my previous relationships I've always found our sex life a little odd. With my previous boyfriends we always did it at least a few times a week, they would never turn me down, would pester me for sex when I didn't want to - and they always seemed happy to be doing it. I have a wonderful, close and loving relationship with my current boyfriend. But there is a real issue with sexual intimacy - I've been teling myself that it's a minor thing and I can deal with it, but the truth is that it's starting to become a problem. Even when we first started seing each other We only had sex occasionally, it was always me that initiated it, and whilst we were doing it he honestly never seemed to be enjoying it that much. He would get an erection without much trouble, but never seemd to "lose himself" like I'm used to guys doing, and he would never ejaculate inside me - he would always have to finish himself off by masturbating. once made him climax thrugh oral sex and he said that was "the first tim that's ever happened". The situation now is that we hardly ever do it at all, which he seems unbothered by - he'd rather we spent time togethher watching films, or talking, or hanging out with other frieds - which is fine, but sometimes I crave phyical intimacy. I have tried all sorts of things to address this: I asked him what he would like to do in bed, but he just answered that what we do is fine. I have tried to speak to him aboout the issue, aware that I need to be sensitive about it, but he always seems to find a way too change the subject, or laugh it off, or act like he doesn't get what I'm talking about. I've suggested a bit of roleplay or bondage or some other games - but he says he's "not into that". I have loads of sexy lingerie but he doesn't seem excited by it. I even bought chocolate body paintonce and he just ate it on toast! Food excites him more than I do! I don't think there's any problem with my technique, as my previous partners always seemed more than happy with it, I've learned some good tricks over the years if I do say so myself! Even if there is a problem, I can't get him to tell me. The only things that do seem to excite him sexually is pictures of certain celebrity women (not porn, he doesn't seem to like actual porn, just pictures of them in short skirts, lingerie etc or just films with certain actresses). I don't see how I can cater for that as I can't make myself look like Katy Perry if I just don't! At least if he was watching porn I could try and copy some of the scenarios! But it just seems to be about looking at beautiful women. He also enjoys going to lapdance clubs on stag nights with friends - but when I tried to do a lapdance for him he just laughed at me and said: "What are you doing?!" It all seems to be about looking at women, rather than actually having sex with them. I do feel I look as good as I can do - I used to model part time until a couple of years ago, I workout regularly, eat healthy, look after my skin and hair etc, get chatted up by other men, so I think I'm probably OK looking (small chest but that's another issue)!, He tells me he thinks I'm attractive and compliments my looks a lot, so logically I guess he must find me attractive on some level, though the fact he isn't affected in any way by the sight of me in lingerie and stockings does make me feel a little unattractive. I've got to the point where I really need a second opinion because I'm at a complete loss of what to do.I feel quite upset because I love him, and our relationship is so good in every other way - we can talk honestly about anything except this. I feel like I'm failing somehow because I can't help him to enjoy a sexual relationship. I love him, but I really miss having someone who couldn't keep their hands off me,and who loved having sex with me. I feel like having that intimacy would make our relationship complete - but as it is, we're floundering. Does anyone have any ideas - I feel like I've tried everything. Even if I could get him to properly engage in a conversation about sex that would be a start!

I just found my boyfriend masturbating over a girl online.  He was using his webcam and it was obvious they were both at it. Please help, I feel so betrayed and don't know what to do. Anyone have any advice?

We've been married over ten years. We love each other. Everything else is really really good. We get along, we laugh, we spend time together. We're literally soul mates.The wife will give me a bj a couple times a week and she is really really good at it. There are no problems here. I'll admit I have a really high libido, I'm strongly in the mood at least once every day but usually twice. I'm really happy with activity every day though, but our average frequency is more like every other day... unless something crazy comes up. Sometimes it's every day if things are going really good (low stress times). But again, I'm ok with every other day. I don't really enjoy masturbating any more because I would just prefer her. I do not look at porn either, no interest in that at all. No interest in other women either. She has told me she is horny about once a day. If she hugs me with any sexuality at all it's an instant erection. She likes how she makes me excited so easily. She told me it makes her feel confident and know that I'm attracted to her, which is an understatement. She's very very attractive too. She has people come up to her and flirt all the time. Here's the problem. This has been going on for quite a while now. She rarely kisses me more then 10 seconds. She may let me kiss her neck and breasts, but lips... not much. She'll let me touch her body everywhere... except her vagina. That's very very rare. And if she does let me touch there it's for less then a minute. And she will not, under any circumstances, have intercourse with me. Ever. I have talked to her about it... ALOT, and she says my size scares her... that it hurts her. I don't think I'm a monster down there. I'm about 8" depending on how excited I am. Interestingly, if I masturbate it's barely 6 inches... She's the only thing that excites me really. She has also told me I am bigger now then when we met... she might be right because I swear I used to be about 7 before, and it seems bigger. When she does oral on me I might be a little over 8 sometimes at the peak of it right before I finish when it's really intense. She also says she literally loves giving me bjs, she really enjoys it and I don't think she is lying. She also tells me it's enough pleasure for her just doing that for me. If I say I want to thrust more (I say it other ways, many other ways, dirty or sweet or clean or naughty whatever)... anyways, if I say I want to thrust more, implying I want to have intercourse, she'll let me do it orally instead. Even kinda rough and deep, whatever I want orally just no intercourse. I prefer the feeling of being completely inside whenever we do things and she can do that (deep throat) almost all the way, almost the whole time she gives me oral. When it comes to oral she does it almost anyway I want it. With oral, she will do almost anything I want. That isn't a problem at all. She is just worried I will want the same kind of feeling with intercourse, but I told her I would control myself and not try to push it in like that all way. She says she will eventually try it (we have before, we used to all the time), but she's been saying that for months now. I think it is the combination of lack of affection and no intercourse that is really bothering me. If it was just the no sex, but we kissed a lot more I might accept her reasons. If we had sex and didn't kiss I'd probably still be worried. If she let me pleasure her down there and we kissed I'd believe her reasons. Unfortunately, it's all three... little kissing, very little pleasure for her, and no intercourse. I'm sorry if this is coming across pornographic that's not my intention I assure you. Everything else I've read is always men saying they cannot get any oral sex or any sex at all... One thing I read was a guy saying his wife constantly gave him oral all the time, but maybe that was a joke. I'm wondering if there are people who are going to say I'm really lucky that the only thing I have to do in my sex life is get incredible oral sex almost every other day. Maybe I am? I'm just really bothered by what is NOT happening. I want to be intimate with my wife again. I tell her, we talk about it. She assures me it's just my size that scares her. That it will hurt, but I say I'll be as gentle as I can be. She always open to doing the bjs as described above, no problem. But never anything else... again: little kissing, very little pleasure for her, and no intercourse. I do try to do these other things often... very often. But I'm always pushed away in one form or another. I'm really bothered by this. Am I crazy? Do I actually have it really good and I'm just trying to have my cake and eat it too here? Should I worry? Why do you think things are like this? Does anyone have experience with this? Any advice would be appreciated. Maybe I need to hear how I should quit complaining? Maybe I need to hear what people think is wrong here?  Oh, and sorry for the novel of a post. I felt I really needed to spell it all out honestly to the random people on the Internet.  

Me and my girlfriend have been together for 10 years, living together for almost 4 years now. I am 32 she is 29. I have recently found out (from her friend) that she has cheated on me with an older man who lives down the street. They had sex in his van, a friend's car and our bed, of all places (while I was in work). I don't know what to do. She has apologised etc and said it was a mistake and it went too far, she said she enjoyed the attention but not really the sex. This guy is pretty ugly etc I don't understand. I had my suspicions as I found a pack of condoms in her bag, one missing, but she lied saying they were her friends. I since realised they were hers and one was used with him. I am devastated as I thought we were happy. She lied to my face when I accused her with no evidence. It wasn't until I told her someone had told me about the affair that she admitted it. She has told me it finished after the last time and there has been no contact and deleted his number. We are still together, trying to rebuild our relationship. We have decided to move but it will take well over a year to sell our house etc. I see this other guy almost on a daily basis. He has no idea that I know about their affair. I see his van and, knowing they had sex in it is a constant reminder. I struggle to sleep in our bed knowing she has been with him in there. I really don't know what to do, I have so many questions. Should I ask all these questions, even ones relating to the sex they had, or should I try to forgive her? It is so difficult with all these constant reminders and the fact I know the other guy. We have so much history together and this is the only time any of us have cheated but how can I deal with the lies she told me and the constant reminders of him living down the street while we still live in this house? Thanks

Hi everyone, this is my first time posting a question. I have been going out with my girlfriend for just under 6 years now and we have had a very stable relationship minus a few rough patches due to stress from everyday lives such as work and money. Over the last year or so we haven't really been spending that much time in the bedroom, sometimes this was due to me being preoccupied and other times her. We decided on having certain intimate nights at weekends and one in the middle of the week which I thought had brought us back to our once comfortable sexual lives. The last 2 months I've been changing jobs and have been extremely stressed after work and sometimes spent the majority of weekends applying for different roles and spending a lot of time on the phone, this is where I think the problems may have started to begin. Due to me being very busy my partner had decided to work some overtime too for extra money and to give me more time to myself (or so she had said) this was usually 1-2 nights mon-friday anywhere from 2-3 hours per evening. To cut a long story short she recently left her skype open on my laptop and she had been talking to a good girlfriend of her's about us and how she wasn't happy and how she'd been going to a colleagues place for an hour or two after work and had really gotten to like him and had developed sexual feelings for him.. without going into the details of the full conversation she had been visiting him at least once a week at his flat and performing oral sex on him after watching a movie or after he cooked her dinner. Part of the conversation was how she didn't want to pursue relations with him but really enjoyed his company and pleasing him in such a way for cooking her dinner and keeping her company and how it made her feel really good pleasuring such a nice guy and how it made her feel very powerful and attractive. Her friend was actually very shocked and didn't really condone it but the part that really hurt was that I know she was coming home to me after seeing him and I feel very betrayed knowing I've been kissing her and such without knowing. Needless to say we've now broken up and she seems truly sorry and is even willing to leave the job she works at in order to distance herself from him but I am truly lost as to what to do. Any advice would be great! Thanks  

I have been married for just under 20 yrs, with one daughter aged 16. In recent years our marriage has grown stale - my husband works shifts, and this means we get very little time together. We seem to have gradually drifted apart on both emotional and physical levels. I have made a life for myself and through this have recently had an affair which lasted a few months. In that short time I really felt a connection with the guy, we spoke/txt several times a day and despite both having families managed several liaisons for intimacy. At the outset we both agreed we would never leave our families and it was all to be a bit of fun. Famous last words I know as I definitely started to have feelings and instead of being fun it became a worry as I knew it would never come to anything, however somehow I didnt have the 6strength to end it because he made me happy and whenever he sensed this was how I was feeling he made it clear he wanted to continue - I made him happy too, and I genuinely felt he cared about me. About a month ago the affair ended abruptly due to his wife suspecting. She threw him out initally although he is now back in the family home haviang convinced her it was all in her imagination. All contact between us ceased. I was heartbroken - not just for the loss of someone who had filled every day for the last few months, but for the upset from the fall out for all concerned. My extreme reaction at home, weeping all the time, meant my husband confronted me as he had suspected I was playing away, but he wasnt angry more concerned as he said he loved me unconditionally and was prepared to forgive and forget. He said he understood people lose their way sometimes. He has said he is very hurt by what I have done and its the worst time of his life. My problem is now that despite my lover saying he would disappear from all the circles where we came into contact, he has now reappeared. The first time was a complete shock for me and I could tell he felt awkward. I just kept communication light and kept my distance. In the last week he has gone out of his way to come over and speak to me -still small talk, no referrals to what we shared but the way he looked at me across the room made me think he still felt something. A close friend has said that its highly likely that the feelings we both had will exist for a while - the affair didn't end because those stopped, it was the circumstances. My one wish was that our families wouldn't get hurt and that we could remain friends after it ended. I cant decide whether his recent behaviour is an acknowledgment of trying to go back to being platonic friends again. That said, it doesnt allow me to move on and try and work things out with my husband, who after all has been unbelievably understanding. And I realise I am deceiving my husband again now as I have not told him this person has surfaced again. So my question really is, can we go back to being friends - or is the fact that we have now crossed the line mean that this is realistically impossible.  

Just want to say I'm so grateful to find a page where I can express myself without going to a therapist. So this might be long but I promise I have a point and I really need advice. Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost two years and living for one year together. At the beginning of our relationship, it was soft, sweet, sexy and loving. My man is a humble guy. He doesn't like romance, lovey dovey or affection as much. But in the beginning he did. My man doesn't have a high sex drive like I do! BOOM! I said it! Now lets approach the problem. I love affection, attention and effort and this he is lacking lately. Now we have spoken about it for a while since we moved in a year ago. We barely have sex now, it's once in a while type of thing, its starting to become a JOB! I swear! I get controlling as well and lead on but, damn, I want to be treated like he wants me as well! He doesn't want to have sex around the house, he doesn't like head on the spot, he doesn't like to try new things. Its like bust a nut, boom, go to sleep. And I'm a freak, so yea... Now! I have an issue with this because we used to be jack rabbits in the beginning and he made me feel so good (loving-wise, sexy, and wanted it when we weren't living together). Now that we are, it's boring. No flowers, no gifts no love, barely any sex. All he wants to do is smoke and chill after work (which is understandable, he has an active job) But c'mon, I'm tired too, not to mention I am a mother, I have to cook, clean, make sure things are good in the house, work and deal with this mentally. So I'm tired too but how come I always want him? I crave him. I want him to have sex with me like he actually wants it! You know, that type of fifty shades crap! Little by little things he does is irking me now. and I get turned off so easily by anything. Him not brushing his teeth before bed. Yuck! I don't want kiss him like I used to, him leaving a mess in house, or him just tired all the time. Now for your mental info we have spoken about this shit always, and it wasn't till recently I had a mental break down. I couldn't take it anymore! Why can't the man I love show me affection and love? Why can't he have sex with me like he actually wants me? One time he yelled in an argument "I'M NOT THE ROMEO TYPE". I was like, what the hell??! lol I don't want no soft guy like Romeo but, damn I'm a hopeless romantic. Give me something. It's like we're roommates. And my daughter loves this man and sometimes I feel it's a job for him with that too, showing her love and affection. At times I'm like, what have I done? Am I less attractive? Is he too comfortable? I'm feeling insecure now. I don't want to force a man to love me or have sex with me. I feel it's not natural to force someone to show love and affection the way you want them. It should be equal. Well, you get the point, I'm tired of typing, lol. Please help.