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“I don’t know him anymore”

I’ve been with my boyfriend over a years and a half. When I met him, I was a senior in high school, 18 years old and he was 20. We met on Bumble. When we met he was so different. He was always socially active, he was very romantic and was on top of our relationship. I had mention to him that I struggle with mental health I am diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety. Something I noticed that was a hard thing to cope during the relationship was him handling my mental health issues. I’ll not be mentioning his history for respect but he has a family member he lost due to suicide and his reaction was careless. I always felt like he was just too positive that he didn’t care about all of that. It was a good thing but I remember every time I would cry or have anxiety he would get easily angry with me for being upset or having issues that I couldn’t blame myself for it just was there.

Another thing I noticed being with him is him is my sex life. When I first met him he brought up he was a virgin. Of course I was his first and realized I was his second love but I felt like he forced himself to lose his virginity due to being 20 and felt ashamed of himself. He wasn’t very sexually active or when we were doing it, he would lose interest real quick and say, 'I cannot do this babe I’m sorry'. I’ve always thought maybe it was me or I was not enough. It’s always made me feel insecure for a year now. I do not care for sex but it’s questions if he ever wants to make love with me.

Since we’ve been together for a long time he’s known what I look like naked and we are an hour in a half away from each other. So we are long distance. He seen me get dressed but recently he has been saying to stop showing off my boobs or body. I’ve never tried to show my body off to please him but when he said that, it brought me to feel as if he was disgusted by me. I’ve struggled with body weight too so I am chubby and being chubby isn’t easy knowing people will judge and fat shame. Beside the whole sex talk, he never wants to hang out or chat on the phone. He always wants to be to himself and when I call him he’s get angry and says please leave me alone. Our communication is absolutely bad.

He used to be socially active all the time now he'd rather stay home and watch TV than talk to his girlfriend. I noticed this all changed once my boyfriend started working as a garbage man. He works from 3am to 11am and I can tell he’s tired. I give him as much space as he needs but it still affects how he never wants time with me. Or when he does wants to spend time he wants to spend some money on things for him. He is always spending money on things he does not need and complains how messy his room is and that’s all on spending money on toys, clothes and even things we don’t need at all.

I could’ve lived with him but with his toxic parent I cannot live with him. We were suppose to work together to get a place but he is more focus on buying other than having a future with me. Today he told me he does not want to hear me call him baby or babe because it’s sounds annoying hearing me say it 24/7 but I’ve never had a problem with this before, and now it’s a problem. I don’t know how to handle him anymore. He is a mess. I feel like part of it is my fault. I’m asking for advice from someone who been in a relationship. Many of my friends says it’s toxic. I’ve been in a really bad toxic relationship before with a partner who verbally abused me but I’ve never experience anything like that with him.

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