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I did it to myself

So this could be a very long story. We have been together for 17 years, married for 13. Two cute kids. We went from a monogamous relationship to a don’t ask don’t tell.

Three years ago one of our married friends started hitting on me and I guess we got involved, had sex, ran around like teenagers. I felt bad. My wife started to feel distanced so I tried to get her to be part of the sex with the other women last year. We all got drunk, I took a nap, she ran out and had sex with my married friend and her husband and when I walked in she ghosted. A few hours later his wife, my wife and I had a brief threesome. My wife said she didn’t want to see me with other people and didn’t want to do it again. Her husband said we are even…. My wife has always liked going out and she often went out with the friend I was involved with and some other friends. I told her numerous times that they all chatted to much online and we should spend more time together. She was often protective of her phone and minimized chats when I came into the room.

In December we stayed at our mutual friends house, she was drunk and I caught her bent over a chair just about to take it from behind in the kitchen. I was a bit turned on, ran her into the bedroom and made some passion. She got pregnant, started to cry. One of our other friends was very mad and said we should have an abortion, that it was going to ruin everything. She almost did have one without telling me. We talked it out and decided to keep it and now we are very excited for a new baby. I am going for an out of area job for the next two months. This weekend I noticed some very personal messages from the guy who wanted my wife to get an abortion and I asked what is going on. She was all hush hush to start, but eventually said she is in an open relationship and shouldn’t have to explain herself since I was always going around having sex. Of note, I don’t really go around having sex, the other woman and I broke it off. Anyways, I said that’s true but perhaps we should put down some ground rules since we never really talked about it.

Turns out she has been in a full on affair with this guy for the last 3 years. She said she never knew she could love two guys at once. I said that I don’t really want her to have sex in our bed. She got very upset and said she isn’t going to have sex on a couch. After a lot of talking and crying we decided to close our relationship. I said maybe we should change our circle of friends but she didn’t want too, and I get that, all our kids have been friends with their kids since birth. She told me she told the guy that its off and that she wouldn’t be inappropriate with him anymore. I still feel hurt. This story may be a crazy onion of problems but I still love her and our family.

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