My partner and I have been together for nearly three years. An issue we have had for quite some time is that for them sex is intimacy, and for me an actual connection and intimacy is needed before i can have sex. Lately they said they have tried to initiate sex, and honestly my body just wont have it. I feel gross, and sometimes the thought of sex just makes my skin crawl because it doesn't appeal to me.
I enjoy the intimacy that can sometimes comes with sex, and i wish i could experience sex as enjoyably as would be deemed 'normal', but it's not something I can seem to do.... it's been a really difficult part of our relationship because I do my best to support them, and be there for them in any way i can, but they don't think I love or care about them because I can't put out on command. and because of that they grow distant and think I want nothing to do with them, making me feel unwanted and more unable to feel a connection with them, and thus wanting to have sex even less.
And when i explain that it's that I don't feel a connection and or feel actual pain when they try to initiate, they just get pissed off and say they don't know what to do. we're both at a loss. They only feel that connection and intimacy through sex And because i don't feel the intimacy or wanted I can't bring myself to have sex... Any advice?