“Devastated and feeling lost”
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Hey All, I'm new on here. Feeling pretty low at the moment. My husband and I have been together for 23 yrs, married for 13 years this yr. In November 2016 (yes 14 months ago!!) he started talking to me differently, really short, came across as quite rude actually - treated me like I was a piece crap on the bottom of his shoe.

At first I let it go. I thought maybe he was having a bad week in work. Then I noticed things getting worse, I'd walk into a room, he'd walk out. He'd slope of to bed without telling me he was going to bed, he started sleeping in the spare room. Then we had to spend the weekend with friends we hadn't seen in a year. This I thought was going to be very bloody painful - pretending that we're all good and everything was fine. We got away with the whole weekend, our friends didn't suspect a thing (sadly). I was dying to talk to my friend, but at the same time didn't want to spoil her weekend. When we went home, he was a little more civil to me, at least he would stay in the room when I walked in, and I noticed his tone of voice was a little nicer than the short horrible tone he'd be using before the weekend away. He spent pretty much the whole weekend on the sofa with my friends hubby - this was very normal for them two though... have too many beers and they pass out!

I had to now get through Christmas and New Year for the sake of our children. In fact, the 'events' just didn't stop there. We had a family wedding to go to in the Jan and several 'big' birthday's to get through - all close family. So we got pretty good at faking it. No-one ever suspected there was anything wrong. Hubby's mother hadn't been well - she got pretty bad in the new year actually around the time of the wedding - and this is another reason why we continued to fake it. I say "we continued.." as usual this was an unspoken thing. In fact - it had been 3 months and I hadn't said a single word to him about what was happening to us or asked him why. I just couldn't bring myself to ask him, because it would then be an airborne thing... and I genuinely convinced myself... today might be the day that I get my old hubby back and this nightmare will be over. I told myself this everyday for 6 months. I couldn't take anymore. I looked stressed and had broken down in tears to two close friends. I hadn't told anyone anything about our relationship. Just kept it to myself until one day I turned up for my nail appt and my beautician asked me what was wrong. "You've got to talk to him to find out what's wrong" she told me. I knew this, I knew I had to do this but just could never bring myself to ask him. He no-longer wanted to 'go-out' with me, so date night had long gone, he was letting the kids stay up past 10pm on weekends just so that we wouldn't have 'that' conversation. It got to May 2017 before I finally plucked up the courage to ask him, what was wrong. He claimed a few tangible things... kids have got too many toys/there's too many clothes in this house/why is the cupboard in the kitchen a mess and he felt that he never saw any of his money and was upset some months we went over drawn by around £200-£300. This was it!!!!

The next day I started a clothes amnesty in the house - 5 bags went! I sorted the kids toys - even did an early morning car boot sale to sell them. I sorted out the kitchen cupboard, sorted the finances so we didn't go overdrawn anymore... and then I realised... why hadn't he addressed any of these issues? Why did it have to be me that did the clothes/toy amnesty/sort the kitchen cupboard? By Christmas 2017 (13 months now passed) I realised it was never about those things, he clearly doesn't love me anymore and hasn't got the balls to tell me. So, we're now 15 months into this "co-existing" relationship. Its made me ill, I've been off work all this week with what I first thought was flu, but I feel physically drained, and I've been sleeping for approx 3 hrs in the day and getting a full night. This situation is now making me ill - perhaps stressed induced, or depression is seeping in. I'm not sure. I've not spoken to him about the situation since last May! I know I need to raise it again, but why is it always me. I've read blogs where wives have been devastated their husbands have told them 'I don't love you anymore" but you know what... at least you know where you stand. We're sleeping in separate beds still... "because I'm ill and he doesn't want to catch it!" I'm sure several of you have thought he must have a little thing on the side - trust me, my husband does not have a single minute spare... every minute every day is taken up with work or kids. He goes to the gym couple of times a week but I'm pretty sure theres nothing there. He goes there when his class is about to start and come straight home. It's not in his nature to cheat. He hates cheaters. I've never cheated on his either. I'm lost. I feel empty. I don't know what to do, I don't want to break up the family, but likewise, how can you love someone that does this to you FOR 15 MONTHS with no real explanation! I don't want to cause his mother any undue stress that would make her illness worsen, but I can't continue living like this. Any helps/ideas/tips would be greatly appreciated.

As a final thing to note, we never argue, we both hate confrontation. He was my first proper boyfriend - so I've never split up from anyone!

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