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“Concerned stepmother”

My husband has decided to uproot his two severely autistic teenage boys from their school so that he can attend university in a city nearly 300 miles away only to try and return them to the school they left in a year's time as the research part of his degree will be conducted in the city he currently lives in. He has been also been offered a university place at a Russell Group university on his doorstep to do exactly the same degree but has chosen the one 300 miles away because it’s more prestigious.

My concern is I feel that it is unfair on the children to uproot them especially as they have severe autism and familiarity and routine is important for them. To move a child without Autism from what they know and is familiar to them is bad enough yet alone children with Autism. One of the children in particular does not manage change well and he becomes violent if distressed. I want to support my husband in his studies but feel that he should choose the option that causes the least disruption especially for the children.

He thinks that I’m being unsupportive if I don’t agree with his decision and makes reference to his female friends as being supportive almost as if you have a dig. I feel that he is being selfish in his decision but then I question whether I’m being selfish for not supporting him in his decision. We are in a long distance marriage of 100 miles between us which means that I will be left to do all the travelling if he moves city as the support network which was around the children at home, freeing my husband to occasionally visit me, will no longer be there.

Tbh, my concern around his decision centres more around the children as I can adjust easier than his children. I am not looking for responses to make me feel better I am looking for objective responses please. How would do approach this situation and what advice if any should I be giving my husband?

Thank you for your time,
A concerned stepmother

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