Menu Relationship issues
Relationship support from experts and the community
Click is a product provided by OnePlusOne.
OnePlusOne Marriage and Partnership Research is a Registered Charity No. 1087994 and a private company Limited by Guarantee. Registered in England and Wales. Company No. 4133340. All content copyright OnePlusOne © 2017
Breakup
User article
This post was published by a Click user. Please feel free to respond in the comments below. We sometimes edit posts to ensure Click is a safe, respectful place to share stories and questions.

So me and my partner where together for 4 years, we had our first child not even a year into our relationship and we quickly ended up moving in with each other not long after the birth.. we were quite on and off in terms of arguments over petty things which in my opinion just stemmed from us moving pretty quick from dating to having a baby everything just happened so quickly.. anyway I started to get trust issues from seeing him liking things I find to be quite sneaky and searching girls he’d known beforehand. altogether he only ever had one other relationship before me which lasted the same amount of time 4 years roughly and he’d cheated on that relationship twice (kissed) and also spoke to another girl during that one .

He moved on with me not long after his first breakup around a month which I did not know at the time.. around 3 years into our relationship he got a new job and I ended up having a strange feeling about him and another girl he worked with and behold my gut was right he started speaking to her behind my back.. he said he done that because we don’t have much in common and they had lots in common with each other so they just clicked nothing more happened than speaking over text for a short while which lead to a breakup and obviously me being lied to as to why we broke up because he didn’t admit it right away. I knew all along got told I was crazy etc.. he finally did admit it and came back home and I think at that point just knowing the partner you love clicked more with someone else when they’re meant to be all for you just broke me and it still does now thinking about it.

Anyway we had another child about a month after he came back home. During my pregnancy I became very distant with him and showed no emotion and no affection and I have no idea why and I think 9 months of that drained him and his feelings became distant, 4 months after the birth of our second he became somewhat depressed and has really bad anger. He called things off about 2 weeks ago. I just feel absolutely heartbroken because even tho everything that happened I do believe he’s the one and I just don’t understand as he says the reason for leaving is he is just not happy anymore and has no emotion towards me and he thinks his depression doesn’t help but he’s so certain he wants to be on his own.

I still have so much hope that he’ll reconsider and I feel like because I have that hope I’m finding it hard to accept the fact he’s left me. He still currently lives at home with us for the time being to help me out with the kids as I struggle a bit managing them both especially during the breakup. He stays in another room and the kids sleep with me at the moment. I just want him back so much and I understand he’s not in a good place mentally at the moment and I’m scared of him moving on to quickly when I do eventually leave the home as I’m holding onto that hope that will be together as a family, I just don’t know how to get through this at all. I’m so scared of him moving on because I feel like he will as he found me pretty quickly and he said he’s not ruling anything out in the future I’ll terms of us but I just hate the thought of him finding someone else especially when we have kids it just doesn’t feel right.

Issues
Recommended
Making the most of relationship counselling
Article | counselling, therapy
Healing your relationship after an affair
Article | cheating, counselling
“Embarrassed to bring up sex”
I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost two years. I am a 22-year-old female and he is a 28-year-old male. He has always been reserved about sex and doesn't seem to be "sex driven" as most guys I know. He admittedly said early on that he doesn't watch porn a lot and doesn't really think about sex. I was on birth control for a year which made my libido a lot lower so I didn't mind it. We had sex about once a week which was satisfying to me and we rarely discussed our fantasies or sex in general. I have recently gone off birth control and now sex is all I can think about. All of my fantasies and kinks are coming back to me and I am too embarrassed to bring them up to my boyfriend. Whenever I try to bring up sex I get uncomfortable and stop because I don't want to make him uncomfortable. I want to try initiating more but the lack of conversation about sex has hindered my sexual confidence. I know that sex isn't the most important part of a relationship but I'm finding myself watching porn constantly and I'm becoming sexually frustrated. How should I go about bringing this up without making him uncomfortable? Thank you in advance.
User article | breakup
“Trying to make it work”
About three weeks ago, my wife said something to me that no one wants to hear. She said that she doesn't love me anymore. The problem is I still really love her. We have had some problems but tried to work through them. We had counselling a few months back and It did help. But she thinks that we just went back to the old ways. We are going for some new counselling tomorrow but I'm afraid that her feelings wont change. I have cried myself to sleep nearly every night since. I have proven to her that things can change before and really want to make things work. But I'm finding it difficult as she doesn't talk about it a lot. Any help?
User article | breakup
“Does he love me?”
I've been dating this guy for four years now. Our relationship was based on commitment and trust. Few years went by and things started changing and we would fight a lot. We would even break up both days after we would fix things. Last year around Easter he officially broke up with me telling me I should move on because it's not working. I didn't take it easy, it was difficult for me to leave him because i loved him. I tried begging him to come back but he insisted and shut me out. Some time, I called and he then told me he found someone else. I was broken and very bitter. I had all these thoughts and I even lost some kilos. The silence went on for about eight months. I tried to move on but my relationships wouldn't even last a week because everything around me reminded me of him. It was hard to let go. Early this year we got in contact (I texted to wish him a happy new year) and he responded. I saw he was interested in having a conversation with me and I kept it going, forgetting he has someone. He asked to meet up. I went there with a different mentality of us just being friends but he wanted more. He told me he missed me and would like to try again because he can't let go. At first I was shocked but days passed and he awakened my feelings for him that I tried to bury. This other night I decided to call and he told me not to ever call at night, very sad, and not understanding I called again. He then broke the news that he moved in with the new girlfriend. I didn't take it well. It really drained me. I couldn't sleep nor eat for a couple of days trying to digest everything. He asked to see me again because I love him. I went and he told me how much he wants to spend time with me and how much he loves me. I asked him, "What about the other woman?" He told me that "It's complicated, I wont understand but everything will be fine soon." This guy and I have been through a lot before and I know the type of person he is but as for his love for me I'm not sure. I love him very much and he's all I think of day in day out. Could I be the replacement or is he avoiding troubles at home with me? Am I the sex partner or what?
User article | dating, breakup, someone else
“We broke up three months ago”
Me and my bf broke up 3 months ago (october10)...we knew each other since 2015 and we're best friends.. he used to share all his problems..i helped him to overcome from his first breakup..we got into a relationship in feb 2018. He broke up with me because someone showed him my intimate (not that much) pic which i gave to my previous ex and also some messages probably to prove me a cheater which is not true.. The incident took place on feb 2019 but he didn't tell me anything as i had exams..he revealed all this in october (the day when he broke up)..my bf knew my previous ex but i didn't clear everything about him as he didn't ask..he is angry because i hadn't all the matters..we talked but he was very harsh..he also told me after the night of our breakup that he didn't want to break up but after coming back from his university he changed his mind...my friend told me that someone must be manipulating him.. We also met after breakup he was very emotional and kept me in his arms for the time but suddenly he said do whatever u want. after that i took some pictures with another guy (just casual friend) and he got extremely jealous and quired about him through my friend..then i was not in touch for some days but i couldn't control my emotions started to call him..sometimes he was ok sometimes he was harsh...but in dec he blocked my numbers and other social media accounts except whatssap..I did some messages..some of the messages he seen but others remain unseen..he told his best friend to ignore me..is there still any chance?
User article | breakups, breakup
“I want him back”
My boyfriend and I broke up because I always had a gut feeling that he like this girl but he always said the way his actions were and how I always ask he starts getting defensive. I feel like it’s my fault but at the same time I don’t feel like that. I miss him so much and we try talking but we’re both upset to talk. He doesn’t want to talk in person. I want him to know I love him I want to do something cute for him and make him know that I really love him but also everyone telling me to give him space.
User article | breakup, someone else, jealousy
“Pregnancy woes”
My partner is now 20 weeks pregnant. Yesterday we had the 20-week scan which we were both excited about. I wanted to find out the gender, my partner didn't. She refused to let me find out as she didn't trust me not to say. I felt utterly embarrassed when she refused in the ultrasound room. I had previously tried to persuade her to find out to avoid gender disappointment as she's adamant it's a girl. I entirely respect her wish not to find out but do not see why I couldn't. She then proceeded to write a post on Facebook chastising me for wanting to know and for daring to upset her by showing my annoyance at being refused. It has brought to surface many issues for me and I believe the ultrasound was the final straw. As soon as she found out she was pregnant she made a stop smoking appointment for me which I agreed to go to. We made the appointment for the same time as an early scan she was having to avoid having to drive to the hospital twice (it's a fair distance). I did not expect her to force her way into the meeting and certainly didn't expect her to arrange for a prescription of chantix with the adviser without me being fully on board or agreeing to it. She proceeded to order the medication and after I refused to take it for several days literally forced me to take it and ensured I kept taking it. She has given me absolutely no way in anything relating to the pregnancy and I feel like I'm just being dictated to. It has now resulted in an almighty quarrel and we are at loggerheads. She refuses to write the full story on Facebook although she has now deleted the offending post (I feel that's not enough as it was commented on 60+ times and has already done the damage) She now wants a private scan and will let me find out the gender. She thinks that fixes the lack of trust to begin with. She refuses to acknowledge that it's going to cost over £100 by the time we pay for gender scan and drive two hours to get there and that is a total waste of money we don't have right now. She now says she doesn't trust anyone, its apparently an historic issue that's news to me as I feel trust is all important in a relationship. What can we do to resolve this issue? We are close to separating over this issue.
User article | breakup, pregnancy
Comments 0