My boyfriend and I have been friends since we were 12 (20 years) and have been dating for the past 2 ½ years. In the time we’ve been together, he has rejected my sexual advances EVERY TIME except once. I take it bad and am unable to try again for months when this happens. All the while he gets upset saying he is tired of always initiating sex, and wants me to do it too. I tell him I can’t because every time I get the courage back up to do it, I’m rejected (he’s too tired, had a stressful day, has to get up early, etc.) and as result, I don’t have the self-esteem or courage to try again for a while… the whole cycle starts over once I do try.
When I get upset about being rejected, he tells me I’m trying to make him feel guilty or start drama (which is NOT the case, drama was not the outcome I wanted – sex was!) and we end up in a fight over it. Then he doesn’t touch me for days or weeks and says it is because the fighting and drama turned him off. So, we only have sex when he feels like it, he wants me to initiate, I get rejected every time I do, so I rarely try… repeated for 2 ½ years now. It has taken a major toll on my self-esteem and sexuality. I’m starting to think it’s a control issue on his part… thoughts? Ideas to break the cycle?
I should have been more clear that we have a good sex life... He just initiates it every time. We don't go at each other twice a day like we did the first year, more like 2-3 times a week, and he is very touchy and affectionate with me but if I happen to be in the mood and try to initiate something, he always has an excuse not to do it. He was all over me Wed., Fri., and Sat. But this morning, I tried to start something and he said there wasn't time (there was time for a quicky!). If it had been the same time, on the same day, but he was the one initiating, he would have made time.
If he didn't complain that I never initiate sex, I would think he just prefers to be the one who starts it. I've also thought that maybe he enjoys turning me down. What I don't understand is, if he wants me to start it, why turn me down when I do, ensuring I won't have the courage to try again for months? He just says I have bad timing and i should try more so I catch him at the right time (by right time, he means the right time for him). It's so frustrating.