Hello, We are in early 50s and together for 5 years, living together for 4 years and 2 months ago he proposed, I accepted.
A month before he proposed I accidentally saw e-mails to him from a women and I am struggling to understand what it means: The e-mails from her of a year and a half ago is saying: "I would love to meet with you privately" He replies: "I'd love to". Then they exchange e-mails setting a meeting at a restaurant for April 13. On April 13 he wasn't home late after work, I texted him: "Where are you?" He never replied. Then there was an e-mail from her on April 13: "You kiss like a God and I love hanging out with you. Can we do that again soon please. I adore you. xoxoxoxo" He replays immediately: "Loved it. Loved seeing you. Any time. Signed: Transmitted by blueberry pancake"
We had difficult times that year, we had less sex (he told me he didn't feel aroused) and it felt like he was just serving his duty though, he kept saying he loved me. I suspected he was cheating but didn't see any evidence. And he is always very secretive - I am not allowed on his computer or see who texted him. He hides the phone screen if I am next to him. He explains that he has very large personal boundaries and that doesn't mean he doesn't love me.
So I confronted him about the e-mails, he denied first then he admitted he dated her 20 years ago but didn't see her for years now and she e-mailed him first to get in touch and he went to a restaurant with her just "to catch up with an old friend". He says he didn't plan anything and nothing happened, only a kiss after the restaurant and he didn't do anything wrong.
But there is another e-mail from her 3 months later: "Lets go to a spa resort for three days where we can indulge ourselves in paradise". He replied: "If I was alone or in a different relationship I would love to but I can't". All the e-mails after that are deleted. I made him to show me his contact list and he has her two phone numbers and all her info (she is married). Of course they communicated by phone, not only those e-mails.
A month after I found out about this, he proposed. I am trying to believe him that he saw her only once, at that restaurant. But the e-mail says different. I have troubles to trust him now. I feel pain and distrust every time he goes anywhere, even to his office (he wrote to her in his e-mails where his office is and that Wednesdays are better for him to meet). It is all so painful but I love him very much. I decided to think this affair was in the past and he is faithful now but how can I know? And even in the past - how to get over it?
Could it be true that those e-mails mean nothing and I should trust him because he asked me to marry him even though he always said before he didn't want to get married?